The Questioning Way
by Wedjatqi
Summary: After the events of Prodigal Teyla has to address questions and issues that she has long ignored, but she does not have to face them alone. JT.
1. Chapter 1

**Spoilers**: Prodigal S5  
**Disclaimers**: I make no profit of any kind from this fic, please no suey!

----

The Athosian tent was packed full, the air filled with the thick scent of the afternoon tea and the long burning fire. Teyla readjusted Torren on her lap, his little hands tapping against the fat edge of the hand carved table around which her people sat and stood. Everyone was talking, the conversation mixed and loud, but neither she or Torren minded. It had been too long since all of her people gathered. All that remained of her people that was. Those that had survived Michael's imprisonment and or experiments had found new homes with various trading friends. Most were too nervous to return to New Athos; the memories of their capture and the loss of so many of their people to Michael's painful experiments too much. Groups of the survivors had found homes with friends on other worlds, whilst others headed off quietly by themselves to recover privately from the ordeal. Now however the news had been spread that Michael was gone forever and the last of their people altered into Hybrids had been returned to them. And so this gathering had been arranged. All those that had found homes elsewhere had turned up and all together they had spent the day on New Athos remembering what they had lost, sharing the rituals that had existed for their people for as long as the eldest memory. Now they were gathered together in the largest tent, surrounded by family and long held friends.

Torren was one of only three young children left to the Athosians, but, as Teyla had discovered today, at least four more would arrive in the next few months. She looked around at the familiar sights and sounds of her people; the colours of their clothing, the laughter in their voices and the smell of home cooking. She rocked Torren gently in her arms as she inhaled it all, pulled it all into her being and let her mind wander back to her childhood. She closed her eyes and remembered her mother's singing as she worked, her father's strong voice and the warmth of the tent in which she had grown up. She missed it all, the pain strong in her chest and the knowledge that her people had been scattered across the stars from fear and pain only made the ache deeper.

She opened her eyes and rested her lips against the top of Torren's head. She watched his tiny hands gripping the wooden table and she remembered watching Halling's father carve the table and present it to his friends and family. He had been as tall as his son and quietly gentle. He had been a master craftsman of anything he had put his mind to and had instructed her and many others in creating what they needed from wood, fabric or clay. Every time Teyla created something with her own hands she remembered Halling's father. As she inhaled the unique smell of her own son she wondered what life Torren would lead. Now Michael was dead she had felt happy taking Torren off world to visit her people. She hated the thought that her son would grow up without experiencing his Athosian heritage. Her life back on Atlantis was far removed from the thick warmth of a tent surrounded by family and old friends. She had made an effort to keep as much of her Athosian life with her on Atlantis and that desire had only growth with Torren's arrival; he needed to know where he came from and the strong traditions of their people.

Halling tapped a mug against the tabletop drawing everyone's attention. Torren giggled at the noise. The conversation died away around the table and those standing around the tent gathered tighter around the table. Teyla was aware of Kanaan stepping close behind her and she smiled up at him. She could see the clear pleasure in his eyes at being back among their people.

"It has been a good day." Halling began. Everyone nodded but did not interrupt. "It has warmed my heart to breaking to see you all here, to feel our people's spirit once again healing." His deep voice resonated around them all and Teyla felt Torren's intense fascination with the deep male voice. Teyla watched the smile drop slightly from Halling's face. "It has been difficult for us all for some time." The silence grew deeper around them all. "Like leaves falling from a tree we have been scattered. We were driven away from our home for the second time and the memories of what has been lost have been so strong as to almost blind us. Yet," he paused looking over at Teyla. "Finally there has been good news. Michael is vanquished and the last of our lost have been returned to us."

Teyla looked away from Halling to look at the several she could see from her viewpoint that were the last of the Hybrids to be returned to full health thanks to Atlantis' medical assistance. They appeared solemn and quiet, but she knew that like the others they would become strong and confident again. As Kanaan had done.

"Which means that we are finally able to let go of our past, to remember those lost, heal those that remain and bless those that have arrived." Halling continued, his eyes on Torren and then another young child. "And so we have a new beginning to consider. I for one would like to live out my days in a secure happy home, not hiding away in fear that another Michael may find me. We have never bowed to the Wraith or any other evil that has tried to kill our spirit." Murmurings of support danced around the tent. "So, I would like to suggest that once again we gather together, to rebuild our people. I understand that New Athos is a place of dark memories and fear, however one of our oldest trading partners has offered us a large area of their home world. They took heavy losses during the Replicator/Wraith war and now have space and a need for new people, for new blood." Teyla had known about the offer before now, but now hearing Halling speak it out loud made her feel different about it. Her people could really have a new start. "We would like to offer any of you who would like to accompany us there to join us. We hope to rebuild what we lost and to grow again into a new stronger people along with our friends."

Halling's voice died away and Teyla could feel the surprise, the consideration and the hope in her people around her. Voices started up again and she heard that the hope and joy were the strongest emotions around her. Her people were hardy and strong willed; they could start again and were always willing to face new challenges. She only prayed that this time they would be allowed to gain the rewards for such strength of character.

Kanaan's hand landed gently on her shoulder, drawing her attention up to him. He nodded away to show he was heading away to talk to someone and she nodded. As he moved away back towards their friends she wondered suddenly whether he wanted to join the new camp that would be established. She had made her decision to stay on Atlantis, but Kanaan's choice had been far less open. If he wanted to care for their son full time he had to remain on Atlantis, because she was there. Before, with Michael's threat, there had been no question, but now things had changed. Torren was older now and she had changed. She had made sure Michael would never again threaten her family, her people or the galaxy. At night she still relived that moment.

Halling sat down beside her, drawing her attention. Halling looked from Kanaan to her and smiled. She smiled in reply and Halling looked down as he caught one of Torren's hands in his massive one. "It is such a pleasure to see Torren, Teyla." Halling said softly. He had only seen Torren twice before, so nervous had she been to take her child off world. She lifted Torren and handed him over to Halling with a knowing smile. Torren had enjoyed Halling's cuddles most of all today and her son giggled in delight at him now.

Halling bounced the boy in his arms which created more giggles and then he looked up at her. "I will not ask if you will join us, Teyla, for I know your heart belongs in Atlantis." The certainty and sadness in his voice made her wince inside.

She reached out and tickled one of Torren's bare feet. "There is still much work to be done, Halling." She replied.

"I understand. We all understand." Halling replied. She knew what he wanted to say and she suddenly resented his silent question.

"You wish I would live back with our people with Torren and Kanaan." She stated for him.

He smiled grimly at her. "You must forgive me, Teyla. I simply miss my friends." She returned his smile before he looked back down at Torren. "It is just that you have more to live for now. For your son and for Kanaan."

Teyla reached for her tea, unwilling to look at Halling then. She wondered if he would say the same if he knew that she and Kanaan had not shared a bed since he had been taken by Michael. "I have much to offer Atlantis. That has not changed with Michael's death." She replied, looking back at her friend.

"It is of course your decision, Teyla. We all respect that. I only worry that we will not see you, or Torren, for a long time. This is a new and vital time for our people. You could help Atlantis still, but live with us." He suggested.

The thought made her chest ache tightly. The idea of leaving Atlantis and the family and friends she had there was oddly confusing and painful.

"It is a new beginning for our people, for us all. I walked the Questioning Way." Halling said softly.

Teyla looked up and smiled at him. "You did?"

He nodded. "It has helped me release what still angered me from Michael's treatment of our people and I made my decision to no longer hide away. The Athosians must not be lost quietly into scattered worlds."

Teyla looked down at her son still captivated as he was with the buckles on Halling's new warm coat. "I have considered many times walking the Questioning Way." She replied. "Only the Wraith's presence has stopped me."

"Many others have been walking that path and none have been lost to the Wraith. I understood their small base to be on the far side of the planet?"

"Yes, the next planet in that system has an orbiting gate which they prefer to use and the planet's moons appear to be bases as well." Teyla replied.

"The Ancestors keep the Way safe for us still." Halling replied.

That Teyla doubted his words was another sign to herself how she had changed over the past years. She did not doubt the Ancestors' power, but she did doubt their attention for the humans throughout her home galaxy. Living and working in Atlantis had opened her eyes to many things and had scared her in many other ways. Would she have killed Michael five years ago? Would she have survived long enough to? There were many questions in her mind, too many over many subjects. Perhaps it was time she walked the Questioning Way.

"You are always welcome back with us, you know that Teyla." Halling murmured. She saw the compassion in his eyes and perhaps worry as well.

She reached out and squeezed her friend's arm. "Do not fear Halling. Even if I remain on Atlantis I will visit so often that you would wish I would leave." He laughed lightly, though neither believed her words. "I want nothing more than for my son to know our people."

Halling looked at her intently. "The question now is perhaps what it is that you want, Teyla. What you want to know. That is the importance and power of the Questioning Way." She nodded and turned her eyes from his.

-----

They walked quietly down the empty bare corridors of Atlantis. The contrast to the living warmth and laughter that they had left back in Halling's tent to this was not lost on Teyla. Torren slept happily in Kanaan's arms as they arrived at her quarters. She activated the door and walked into the quiet cool room. She began to light her candles around the room and set some incense burning; wanting the Athosian smell to continue with her.

Kanaan stood over the crib and spoke softly to his stirring son. Teyla watched them in silence. In their Athosian clothes standing over the Athosian crib she could almost believe they were back with her people. She tried to picture them living in a tent once again. She would be a leader of her people again, as well as a mother and a warrior part of the time. She could visit Atlantis as much as we wanted she was sure; perhaps help out with negotiations and trades. The idea was dismissed as quickly as it arrived; she could not leave Atlantis. Her future, her destiny, was tied to this place she was sure. Yet, was her son's? More questions.

"I am going to walk the Questioning Way." She said softly as she approached Kanaan and their son.

Kanaan looked up with a surprised look, but she saw the smile there; he wasn't too surprised, or was he just pleased? He nodded silently. He was a quiet, kind man whose wise advice she had needed many times over the years.

"You are not surprised?" She asked.

He looked back down at their son. "I have expected you to walk the Questioning Way many times over the years." He looked back at her with a light smile. "What surprises me is why it has taken you this long."

It was a good question. "It has not been the right time." Was the only answer she could come up with. Another question to ask during the ritual; perhaps she should note them down, there seemed so many.

"What has changed now that it is time?" He asked, his eyes soft and curious in the candlelight. She studied his handsome face as she thought.

"Halling said that our people have a new beginning." She looked down at Torren. "With Michael's death much has changed." She admitted. "Now he has gone I realise how frightened I have been for Torren. I have kept him, and you, here to protect him." She looked back up at Kanaan's dark eyes. "Perhaps it is time for me to consider a new beginning for myself."

She was a sparkle to Kanaan's eyes that made her suddenly uncomfortable. He looked away. "Torren will know our people whether or not he lives with them every day." He added.

"Do you wish to live with them every day?" She asked him plainly.

He kept his eyes on Torren as he laid the boy down into the crib. She waited for him to arrange the blankets and stand back up to face her. "I will be happy to be near my son, and you." He replied.

She had to look back down at Torren. She cared for Kanaan so much. He was the father of her child and they had spent many happy months together as a couple before his abduction by Michael. They had been friends since they were young and she cared for him deeply. In her mind she tried to envision them living together with their people, raising their son. Her son deserved to have this loving father around him. Did she not deserve someone to love and care for her as well? She had been denying Kanaan that role in regards to her since Torren's birth. At first she had thought it had been due to having Torren to care for and Kanaan had still been recovering from Michael's experiment. But, even once life settled into a nice gentle enough pace with Torren she found herself keeping Kanaan at a distance. She could not remember the last time she had kissed him, though they shared most days together caring for their son. Perhaps she kept him away because of the same reasons as she did returning to her people; to make that change would mean the end of the life she had here on Atlantis.

"There are many questions I have to ask myself." Teyla said thoughtfully. She could sense his slight disappointment, as she did every time he made some comment directly or indirectly to their relationship.

"Is one of those questions about me?" Kanaan asked directly this time surprising her.

"Yes." She replied honestly.

He nodded silently and looked down at their son. "I love my son, Teyla." He said softly. "I would wish to remain near him, see him as much as I can." He looked at her, his eyes more confident than usual. "You have not looked at me the same way since Michael."

"Do you think I still think of you as a Hybrid?" She asked him.

He looked away.

"Would I leave our son in your care if I did?" She asked. "You had no choice in what was done to you, Kanaan. I do not hold that against you, I never would."

He nodded. "What has changed then?"

She could not really answer him, for the answer was far too confusing and convoluted for her to understand let alone explain it to him. "My pregnancy and Torren have changed much for me." Was all she could think to reply. Yet, had she not kept her relationship with Kanaan quiet even before that? She had only visited him when she had free time from her duties with Atlantis. Being pregnant had changed much in her life. She had not expected it and it had changed everything for her. If only she could understand what exactly it was. More questions.

"Then you need to make you choices free of restriction." Kanaan replied. At her questioning look he continued "Our relationship has not been what it once was. I had hoped it would grow stronger, and though I feel we are closer than ever, there is something no longer between us. Torren has been a blessing to us yet, I feel he has also highlighted for you that you do not love me as you wish you could."

"Kanaan…"

"We have never shared words of love, Teyla, have you realised that?" He asked over her words.

She stopped, thinking back. They had shared many happy, soft words in bed. She opened her mouth to argue, but then the truth of what he had seen and she had ignored hit her; she had never said she loved him, because she cared for him above most others, but she did not love him. Her image of an Athosian life with him was a lie.

Kanaan turned towards her, took her shoulders gently in his hands. "Go on the Questioning Way, Teyla, and be honest with yourself about what it is you want."

Her eyes felt wet suddenly. "I am afraid of what I may find." She whispered, the emotion surprising her.

Kanaan didn't look surprised. "You have never run away from anything, Teyla Emmagan, daughter of Tagan and mother of Torren." He said with a compassionate smile.

Though he said the words with conviction she doubted the words; for she knew there was much she had ignored and run from. There were issues and feelings that she needed to understand and accept. The Questioning Way ritual would give her the time and space to finally honestly address them.

-----

"You have _got_ to be kidding me!" John exclaimed.

Woolsey looked as surprised by John's outburst as Teyla.

"Your own report stated that the Wraith base on the far side of the planet was minimally staffed and that they were focused on the other planet and its space gate." Woolsey said calmly.

"Yes, I did notice that when they were shooting at us." John replied. "And that was a year ago; the base could be more heavily manned by now."

"Halling completed the ritual only two weeks ago and he returned safely without seeing a single dart or Wraith." Teyla replied. She had expected John would be the major obstacle in her plan to complete the ritual. "And besides I have an advantage that I can sense Wraith approaching." She added. "I will be fine."

John pondered the situation some more, but she could read him well enough that she knew what he was going to say next. "You can go, but there will be a team by the Gate." He replied, exactly as she had expected.

"No, the ritual states that I must travel there alone." She replied.

"You will be alone; you'll just have back up at the end of a radio call." He replied with a cocky smile.

She took a breath. She understood his protectiveness and in his place she might have felt the same. "I need to complete the mission by myself and I am only permitted certain items with me. One of which will be a hunting knife."

"Teyla, I know you can defend yourself, but a knife isn't going to be a hell of a lot of help up against a band of Wraith." John replied.

"I will be able to sense the Wraith approaching and hide. I will not engage them if they do appear."

"And if they sweep you up into a dart?" He asked.

"The entire trip is through thick woodland; no darts could get close enough to sweep me up." She replied. "John, Halling knows at least ten people from other worlds who have completed the ritual in the past two years and all of them completed the ritual without incident."

"And when does that mean anything with us. Wraith turn up everywhere we go." John responded.

Though he had a point, that they did often seem to walk into trouble wherever the team went, this was a ritual and completely different. "John, I will be fine. There is no need for any back up and besides they would be too far away to help. And no I do not want a Jumper stalking me above the forest." The look on John's face did not hide the fact that he had obviously been thinking along those lines.

"How long will the ritual last?" Woolsey cut in.

Teyla turned back to the leader of Atlantis. "It will take a day and a half to reach the final point and then the same time to return. Three days." She clarified. John mumbled something.

"This could be very risky, Teyla." Woolsey said.

"I know, but this is an ancient tradition and I plan to complete it in its entirety." She replied, looking pointedly at John seated beside her opposite Woolsey's desk.

"Does the ritual have to be performed on this precise planet?" Woolsey asked.

"Yes. There are several items that must be gathered on the way and the final point is a sacred place." She replied.

She watched Woolsey mull it over, his eyes straying to John.

"She's not going." John replied.

Teyla looked round at him angry. "John."

He returned her hard look. "You're a member of my team and I say who goes into a military situation. You know that." He replied.

"This is not a military situation." She argued back.

"There's a Wraith base on the planet!" He replied.

"And when we took Rodney to the Shrine?" She asked. "The Wraith threat was considerably greater there."

"That was different." John argued. "It was a life or death situation."

"And this is not. I will be fine." She argued back.

"No, because it's stupid, Teyla." He replied. His words cut deeply. She frowned at him, shocked at his lack of tact and her own pained response.

"I don't mean your ritual, Teyla. I mean going into that kind of situation." John clarified hurriedly.

The off hand way he dismissed the ritual told her he didn't understand. "My people have been walking the Way for more years than we can name. It is a sacred act that is performed only once in your life at a time of great change and importance. It is a time where new beginnings are formed and what no longer serves you is disregarded. It is my right to do this and you will not stop me, John."

He looked worried and angry as their eyes clashed. She remembered a day when she and John had never argued, but in the last year they had several times. She wished for the day when he spoke to her softly again, when they hadn't experienced shouting at each other. What had happened over the past year had changed so much between them that it hurt to be reminded of before. Long ago she used to spend hours with him each day outside of missions. They had been the closest of friends, but now, even before Torren was born, that had died away. She wondered when they had stopped sharing their time together. She missed it she realised.

"Teyla?" Woolsey asked drawing her attention away from John. "Colonel Sheppard is correct that he is in charge of sending our people into what could potentially be a military situation."

Teyla exhaled loudly. "Fine. Then I request four days leave to be with my people." It was her fall back position and she knew they could not deny her this. Woolsey sighed with a slight smile.

"No." John stated, but she could tell he knew she was going to win.

She looked round at him. "You can not deny me leave to visit my people." She replied calmly. He frowned at her worriedly and looked back at Woolsey, who leant forward over his desk towards her.

"You understand we're worried for you." Woolsey began. "Does the ritual state that you must not carry any technology?"

She sat back in her chair. "No." She conceded.

"Then how about you carry a radio. We'll dial in every evening at a specific time, all you'll need to do is quickly acknowledge the call and we'll be happy that you're okay. If you need help then we'll send through a Jumper immediately."

She considered the offer. In truth it would make her more comfortable to have some way that they could contact her, just in case something happened to Torren or someone else while she was away. "Alright." She agreed.

Woolsey nodded and both of them looked at John. He mumbled some words she chose to pretend she hadn't heard. "Fine." He replied, but it was very clear he wasn't happy.

"When do you want to leave?" Woolsey asked.

"Tomorrow morning." She replied.

-----

Teyla kissed the top of Torren's head once again as he lay in Kanaan's arms. She pulled her bag onto her back and smiled at the others who had turned out to wish her well. Ronon had had some choice words about her ritual yesterday, but once she explained that the ritual was about testing oneself as well as answering questions, he understood. Rodney had even turned up to her surprise and he gave her some snack bars to take with her. She took them with a smile and kissed him on the cheek. John stood back from the others, standing on the lower step of the staircase, up and away from them. She smiled up at him and he nodded in return, his arms crossed tightly over his chest. It hurt that he did not respect her enough to trust in her skills and that he would sulk like a child over her choice. But, then she remembered when she had told him about her pregnancy that he had barely spoken to her for over a week. That was how he dealt with anger she guessed. He hid his emotions well most of the time and he wasn't one to start an argument, though once it started he liked to finish it she had discovered. Rather like herself.

So it was with a sad smile that she turned and headed for the active gate. Kanaan held Torren so he could watch her leave. She waved to her son before she turned away and stepped into the wormhole.

Rodney turned to Ronon. "I should have given her more to eat." He muttered.

Ronon shook his head. "She'll only be gone for three days, McKay and she'll be in a forest; there's plenty to eat there." Rodney shuddered at the idea of living off the kind of food that a forest would provide.

Ronon turned to John. "You want to go spar for a bit?" He asked seeing the tension in the man's body.

"No, I'm gonna get ready to go." John replied as he pushed past them towards the Gateroom exit.

"Where you going?" Ronon asked.

John turned back. "To that planet." He replied, waving at the inactive Gate.

"Teyla wishes to complete the ritual by herself." Kanaan cut in.

John turned to the man, his eyes sharp. "I'm sure she will, but I'll be there to back her up."

"She is supposed to be alone." Kanaan said back sternly as he faced John.

Ronon moved forward worried about the potential in John to have a go at the Athosian male.

"I'll hang back far enough that she won't even know I'm there." John replied.

Ronon gave him a look.

"Okay, she will, but I'll be too far back for her to yell at me until after she's done her ritual-thingy." With those final words John turned and headed down the corridor.

He was going to give her half an hour until he followed her. Hopefully by then she would be far enough away that she wouldn't hear the Gate active. There was no way he was letting her be as stupid as to go into enemy territory without him, or at least someone to back her up.

-----  
TBC


	2. Chapter 2

-----

Teyla had visited this planet only once when she was younger. It had been an exciting day out with her friends as their parents had explained about the ritual and she remembered running through the trees in delight. Now far too many years had passed and she was a parent now herself and she was finally here for her own ritual. She knew in which direction she had to travel and what she needed along the way, so she was not worried about the path, only on what she should be considering.

The season had changed since Halling had been here, for the leaves on the trees above her were changing into bright colours of yellow, orange and red. A cool breeze twisted around her as she began her climb up the forested hillside. The fallen leaves danced around her feet with the breeze, creating a sense of excitement and anticipation within her. The trail led to a massive tree set amidst a glen in the trees. She stopped at the foot of its massive tall trunk and looked up through its branches towards the sky above. Hanging from its branches hung various symbols made from twisted sticks, twine, feathers and beads. She watched the handmade offerings to the Questioning Way dance in the breeze.

Her eyes found the Athosian symbol hanging from one of the highest branches. Her father had told her that it had been one of their own ancestors who had climbed up to the highest branch to tie up the Athosian offering of beautiful twisted bark and beads. She watched it swinging gently in the breeze. It had lasted all this time shielded by the massive tree's canopy that remained through every season, whilst around it other trees surrendered their leaves to the changes of time. She could not help thinking back to Halling's comment that their people had been scattered like leaves this past year. She turned her gaze over to the other trees whose colourful leaves dropped every now and then from its swinging branches. She watched a brilliant burnt red coloured leaf sail down on the draft towards her. She reached up on impulse and caught the leaf as it passed over her head. The leaf was delicate and beautiful between her fingers. She released it again into the breeze and watched it dance away from her on currents unseen only felt.

She closed her eyes and uttered a prayer for guidance from the Ancestors and from her own family's ancestors. She asked for the strength to address all that was needed through the walk she was about to officially begin. She reached out and placed her bare hands against the age old tree and asked for answers to her questions; those she could see and those she could not.

Then she opened her eyes and with one last look up at the Athosian symbol dancing above the others she turned and walked on.

--

The second hillside greeted her several hours later and she paused to drink some water. At the back of her mind she was vaguely aware that her Wraith sense was prickling, but she could tell that they were far away. She had no idea how strong her ability was to sense them over large distances, so she was keeping to the trees just in case a ship was above her. She pulled out her small map for her journey, though she had it memorised, and consulted it once again. She had to climb over this last hill then the lake would be off to the left from the foot of the hill. There she needed to collect some of the rich clay from the lake's banks, which she would carry in the small bag she had brought with her for that purpose. She would also need to select a stone from the sacred spring there was well. Once that was complete tomorrow she would trek up the massive hill she could see towering above the hillside before her. Part of the way up that hill was the sacred place that was her goal. She would spend tomorrow there to sit in solitude and she would address what she needed and make her offering to the ancestors. Then she would return back along the same route and take a cleansing bath in the spring, washing away the old, ready to start the rest of her life.

She tucked the water skin and map back into her pockets and looked up at the next hillside. She strode towards it, noting the damp mud that spoke of rain that had fallen here not that long ago. Here the leaves didn't dance around her; here they clung to the mud and her boots. The trees were more densely packed together here and she could see less of the scenery around her, which meant she had to focus on her own thoughts more. She had been thinking long and hard for the past hours. She had decided to form questions in her mind first, so she could then consider the answers. She had already decided that she would remain with Atlantis, the very idea of leaving was wrong to her, but she was still weighing what that would mean for Torren. And Kanaan. He confused her the most. She cared for him and he had been a caring partner and lover. With him she could have that life she had wanted for herself; a life that wouldn't be destroyed if the people from Earth up and left. She paused to consider that thought. Atlantis dominated her life and dictated how much free time she would have to visit her people. Yet, it also dictated her future to her. She loved the role she played in the city, that she could help her people and many others across her home galaxy. And the people from Earth fascinated her. They were open and powerful in a way that she wished for those of her galaxy.

She looked back down the trail she had come, as she had been doing for the last hour or so. She was sure the Wraith were nowhere nearby, but something told her something else was moving through the trees far behind her. She did not have the sense that a predator was following her and besides there were no reports of such creatures on this world. There were plenty of other creatures that lived in the forest that could be trailing her, perhaps simply curious about her. She watched the trees behind her calmly, but nothing moved. She didn't feel like there was anything to worry about, nothing dangerous was there, so she turned back to her trail.

She returned her mind to the subject of Kanaan. She could have a life with him she was sure, but the idea lacked something for her. Frowning, she paused again and looked back down the hillside; now she was higher up she could look further back down the hill. This time she saw something in the far distance. It was black and moving slowly and steadily in an unhurried speed up the base of the hillside. She watched for awhile, knowing she was obscured by a tree. After some time she knew it was someone from Atlantis, by the black clothes and from the flicker of sunlight over the weapon held across their chest. And she was pretty sure it was John. She watched him making his way through the trees, he was still too far away to be absolutely sure, but she knew how he moved and she would have placed a large bet that it was him. He hadn't called her on the radio and wasn't moving fast enough for her to think that there was a problem, which meant that he was following her on her ritual. She frowned and stepped out from behind her tree cover.

Though he was still so far away that she couldn't see anything of his expression, only the shape of him, she saw him pause. She watched him as he watched her. She considered getting her radio out to shout at him, but decided against it; he wouldn't listen to her. With a sigh she turned and continued on her path now accompanied by her distant shadow. For long minutes she let the anger and annoyance bubble away inside her. He didn't believe she could take care of herself alone. He had made his opinion of the ritual quite clear and now he had blatantly ignored her request to be left alone and had been following her in secret. She quickened her pace, forcing some distance between them and if he wanted to stay in visual distance he would have to move faster now. She smiled as she broke into a run; she knew she could run faster than him.

Running was oddly enjoyable, but hard work up a hillside, so after some time she slowed and finally she reached the highest point and slowed back down to a walk. Up here the leaves had all been thrown from the tree tops so she waded through the brightly coloured mounds of leaves. The sound of the rustling and the fresh breeze cooled her mood and she kicked the leaves like a child enjoying the dancing colours around her. There was a break in the trees to one side and she turned off her trail to look out at the landscape beyond. One of the things she missed the most living away from her people was her connection to nature. In Atlantis they had no contact with grass, trees or the changing seasons of a world. Visiting other worlds supplied that need in her, but it was not the same as spending relaxing time in a forest, or sitting by a running river. She promised herself that she would take more time to enjoy those more in the future. And she did not want Torren growing up with salt tainted air and a massive ocean as his only experience of nature.

Realising John would be growing closer she returned to the trail. She tried to keep her thoughts on her questions, but knowing John was here behind her somewhere kept distracting her. Thinking back when she had left the Gate room to come here, he had had a closed almost challenging look to his eyes. Now she understood; he had been saying that he wasn't going to let her get away with leaving for her ritual by herself. It angered her again. Not only had he ignored her wishes, but he was ruining her ritual. She toyed with the idea of getting out the radio again, or waiting till he caught her up and then she could yell at him. Of course it was too late for it to make any difference, he was already here. He could be so arrogant at times! She stomped onwards, now making her way down the other side of the hill.

When there were breaks in the treetops she could see glimpses of the valley below. She checked her map, aligning landmarks with what she could see around her and then she looked over her shoulder and saw that he hadn't reached the down side of the hill yet. She shook her head and continued on. The mud slid under her briefly and she almost lost her footing. It was a good reminder that she needed to focus on what she was doing. After a few more minutes she looked back over her shoulder again and sure enough she spotted his outline through the trees; he wasn't even trying to hide anymore.

Then deep inside something stirred; something cold and she stopped dead in her tracks. She looked up at the tiny amount of sky she could see through the canopy above her and held her hand out above her shoulder in the 'halt' command from John's military training. She didn't turn to see if he could see it or if he would pay it any attention, but kept her eyes and senses upturned. Wraith were growing closer.

She stood absolutely still as she listened to the forest around her and then in the far distance she could make out the distinctive buzzing sound of a dart. She ducked down even though she was well covered by canopy as the sound grew louder. She scanned quickly around her and spied the large twisted roots of an ancient tree and dashed towards it. She sheltered down among its roots and kept her eyes turned up to the patches of sky she could see through the dancing branches above her. Surely John would find shelter as well.

The dart was growing closer and though the trees blocked most of the view, it sounded like it was headed directly towards her.

-----

John stopped automatically at the distant hand signal. He lifted his P90 against his shoulder and watched Teyla's distant shape. Then he heard it; a dart. Cursing he watched as Teyla darted away from his sight. He scouted around him and found a sheltered spot between two entwined trees and huddled down to wait. He really wanted to get closer to Teyla, but being out in the open when a dart passed over would be very stupid of him. He waited as the sound grew louder, flying straight for them. The branches above them began to sway in a different direction to the breeze and he felt as well as saw the belly of a dart fly dangerously close over the treetops. It passed over them and kept on flying, heading away again in a straight line. John waited silently, praying that it wouldn't return. He waited until the dart's sound grew distant again and he pulled out from his shelter and began to cautiously jog down the hillside to where he had last seen Teyla.

He was a hundred yards away when she reappeared. She pointed off towards the left and disappeared again in that direction. John jogged on, but angled his path further to the left. She was heading left towards a break in the trees and as he grew closer he could see that they had a full clear view over the surrounding landscape. He reached her finally, breathing rapidly as he looked through the gap in the trees with her.

"Where'd it go?" He asked.

"Straight off towards the horizon. Halling mentioned that some others that have walked the Questioning Way reported that Wraith darts flew over head; most likely patrolling the planet." She said casually.

"You failed to mention that part." John said to her, but his eyes never left the horizon.

"They never returned in those cases; we will be fine." She said as she stepped back from the gap in the trees.

John took one last look at the landscape, which was beautiful he noted absently. He turned to her. "Anything else that you failed to mention when you were trying to sell this little trip?" He asked annoyed at her.

She look as equally annoyed with him, which was when he remembered he wasn't supposed to be yelled at until after her ritual. "Why are you here?" She demanded.

"We can turn back now and we might be able to get back to the Gate before it gets dark." John stated, ignoring her question.

"You can go back, I am continuing on. They were just patrolling, they showed no sign that they detected us." She replied.

"We can't be sure of that." John tried.

"They are Wraith, do you really believe they would go away and think about attacking us for awhile?"

John shrugged at her comment; she was right. But, he didn't like it. They had no back up.

"Go back, John. I will be fine by myself, as I was supposed to be." She added with extra 'tone'.

"There's no way I'm leaving you here alone, especially now." John insisted.

"I can handle this by myself." She replied.

John looked back up the hillside; he really didn't want to head back up there anyway. "Fine, we'll go on." He said.

"John, this is supposed to be silent reflective time for me on this ritual. I am meant to be alone." She pushed.

He looked directly at her finally. "You can't really believe I'd let you walk into enemy territory by yourself?" He asked honestly.

She blinked up at him. "I am supposed to complete this ritual by myself; that is the point of it."

He felt oddly guilty then, but pushed those feelings aside, this was about keeping her safe. "I'll leave you alone I promise; I'll pull back like before." He said. "You'll never know I'm here."

She looked away with a dark frown over her features as she considered his suggestion. After long minutes the silence began to bother him. He had feared they would have one of their shouting matches, but instead she was quietly angry, which was much worse.

"Teyla, it could be dangerous here and I'm not leaving you here alone. Now you can yell at me all you want, but I'm not going anywhere." She looked back up at him with an assessing look and he had a sudden burst of insight into what she might be considering. "And don't think you can knock me down and run off without me, because I'll just follow you." He added a touch of amusement into his words, though in truth she could. Which was one of the reasons why he had brought a life signs detector with him; just in case.

"I'll stay right back and I won't say a word. I promise." He said as he gave her a small convincing little smile, hoping a little charm might work on her. It didn't usually, but he gave it a try.

However, this time it appeared to work. She sighed as she looked back up at him and he smiled at her again. With another heavy sigh she reached into one of her pockets and pulled out a hand drawn map. "I am heading down to this lake to make camp. I have to collect some supplies from there before I head off to the sacred site here." She pointed up the next hill on the map to a semi circle at the end of the route. John memorised the basic map and nodded. "I should reach there tomorrow spend the rest of the day at the site and head back to the lake for tomorrow night."

"Then back to the Gate the day after. Okay." John finished off the plan. "I'll stay way back, won't say a word." He repeated as he smiled at her again. He was both relieved and surprised that she had given in so quickly. But, then there would be plenty of time for her to be cross with him in the coming days.

She gave him a suspicious look as she took her map back. "Do you have food with you?" She asked.

"Yep, even brought my tent, so don't worry about me. You do your ritual thing."

"Alright." She replied. "I'll go ahead."

John nodded as she turned and walked away. He held back waiting until she disappeared over a ridge and he started after her. He kept back as far as he could without loosing sight of her. She didn't look over her shoulder once, hopefully that was because she trusted him to stay back, or it might be because she had put him out of her mind already. Though he wanted her to have her space, he didn't really like that idea.

After some time they reached the base of the hillside and he followed her over the relatively flat forest towards the lake and as they walked he began to watch the scenery with more interest. He missed autumn from back home so he enjoyed watching the colourful leaves fall and kicking his way through some large piles of them. It was nice to be out of the city without being on a mission he realised. It was also nice to be with Teyla, not that she would agree with him right now. He couldn't really remember the last time the two of them had spent more than five minutes alone together outside of work. They used to spend loads of time together before. He had shown her movies and entertained her on the strange ways of his people, whilst she trained him in bantos fighting and he had really enjoyed it. However that had been before Kanaan and the pregnancy. That thought brought his mood down again.

He knew he hadn't handled the pregnancy situation all that well, or maturely really, but it had been a shock. Not only that he had had no idea that she had been seeing someone, or that she had been keeping her pregnancy secret, but that it had hurt so much. It had brought into sharp focus that he really did like her, more than the simple attraction he had thought he had control over. But, he had had to put all that aside, get on with life and be a man about it. Accept her pregnancy and then her son. And she had even given Torren his middle name in honour of John. He had been so flattered, but oddly saddened. So, to protect his silly emotions, he had put some distance between them. She seemed to have done the same, so things just went on without comment.

It was strange though that seeing her with her son had actually made the ache in his chest worse. He would have thought seeing her with another man's son, who lived with her in Atlantis, would have reduced his attraction to her. But, no, instead it had made him care for her even more. And last month he had watched her kick the ever living shit out of Michael and then kick him off that ledge. She had saved him from Michael, protected her son, her people and who knew how many others that Michael's plans would have hurt. But, it had been painful to watch. She had become someone so much tougher and darker than before and though she had made no comment, or sign that it had affected her, he had to wonder. Now, she was on this finding yourself trip and he had the scary instinct that she was trying to make some life changing decision. Was she planning to take her son and her lover and leave Atlantis?

In a way that would help John, but that was purely intellectual thinking, his heart and some other unnamed part of his anatomy thought differently. She should stay close by. At least then he could still be near her, enjoy her as a friend and colleague if nothing else. If she left, he was sure he would lose touch with her. She would return to her Athosian life. Perhaps she should though. Life might be easier and safer for her and Torren.

He looked through the trees towards her retreating back and tried not to admire the way her hips moved even under the long coat she wore. Sighing and looking away he relaxed his hold on the P90 in his hands and tried to enjoy the scenery again.

------

After some time had passed she finally decided to just accept John's presence far behind her. The Wraith dart had worried her more than she cared to admit to John. She was confident that the dart had not seen them, but the presence of the Wraith in any fashion always got to her. Not only did it stir up that cold place inside, but it also brought with it so many bad memories. Most notably Michael's recent attack on Atlantis. Michael was gone now, and that fact was a massive weight from her shoulders, yet she would still dream of that moment on the ledge. She could still see his yellow eyes staring up at her in disbelief and fear. She wondered if she would ever stop reliving that moment, that decision she had made. John had witnessed her in that moment and he had said nothing to her about it and as far as she knew he had made no mention of it in his report as she had not in hers. It had been a mutual decision that she had no idea how they had agreed to, or what he thought about it. Though she did not regret what she did, John's opinion of her meant a lot to her.

Like now he was here not to ruin her ritual, but to look out for her. It was that realisation that had stopped her from shouting at him. He had made his choice from the best of intentions and she knew he wouldn't turn back now and leave her alone. She had to accept his presence here.

The trees began to thin out before her and the lake emerged from between two tall proud trees. She paused and took in the beautiful sight. The lake stretched out into the far distance, its water gathered over the ages from the hills surrounding it and was fed from several springs along its edges. She moved slower, drawing in the faint mineral scent birthed from the springs. The water was said to be warmer than would be found in usual large pools of water, so she stepped carefully down the narrow stone beach to where the water's edge gently lapped against the stones. Crouching down she dipped her hand into the water and sure enough it was warmer than she expected. She didn't drink it, as it would be purer closer to the springs rather than out here in the middle of the lake. She washed her hands in the warm water though and looked out across the flat water's surface. There was no breeze here to ripple the lake, but the occasional stirring of a fish or some other water living creature created brief moments of movement across the silky surface.

Behind her she heard John's boots on the edge of the beach. She looked over her shoulder to see him staring out at the lake with wide appreciative eyes. She didn't mind that she had paused so long that he had caught up with her. The sun was lowering in the sky anyway and she would make camp further along the lake's edge where the sacred spring was located in its sheltered corner.

Though it had been so many years since she had been here with her father, she remembered this part of the trip. Remembered the way they had all splashed through the water's edge following it to the spring. She stood and pulled off her boots and socks. The air and stones were cool beneath her bare feet, but once she stepped into the water its warmth returned the heat to her toes. With her boots in one hand she turned and walked through the water along the edge of the lake. It was a wonderful moment as the present merged with the past; she had last walked here with her father. Her father who was long gone.

She splashed gently onwards, her eyes turning from the lake to the trees. The lake twisted around to the right ahead of her, narrowing down as it slipped into the forest and a gentle flow became apparent to the water as she approached. The water's surface most definitely rippled with life here. She walked against the gentle tide around the corner and as she did she looked over her shoulder to see that John was slightly closer than she had expected, but then he probably hadn't wanted to lose sight of her. He had followed along at the far edge of the beach and was currently reaching down and picking up a stone. She kept walking as she watched him walk down to the water's edge and with a quick lithe twist of his body and wrist the stone flew out across the water. She paused and watched as the stone flew out over the water dipping to skip gently over the surface, rising and touching down again and again. The tiny elliptical ripples that were created danced out across the lake behind it until finally the stone sank into the water and disappeared. She looked back to John with a smile, impressed at his skill. He returned the smile and headed back up the beach to keep the distance between them. She almost invited him to walk with her then, but remembered that this was her time, so she turned back to her walk.

She followed the water as it narrowed even further and the banks closed in around her as the water grew deeper at its edges. She steadied herself against the tree roots of the sturdy trees that thrived in the clay mud of the bank she was following. The water was even warmer here as it lapped up to her knees as the spring came into view. With a smile of success and joy she climbed her way up onto the bank before the water became too deep. She walked along the bank and came across some stone steps set into the bank down to the water. The stones had been set there long ago to assist you in and out of the water for the cleansing bath that she would have on her return journey. She heard the gentle crunching sound of John making his way through the trees, keeping his distance still as he had promised. She felt oddly contented that he was here, that there was someone watching over her, as it meant she could relax more that she normally would have.

She kept following the edge of the spring's pool towards the narrow end from which the water bubbled forth. The flow was low but steady. She stepped into the water where it was shallow again near the actual spring, her toes sliding into the thick slick clay mud. Crouching down carefully she pulled out the small bag she had brought with her. She set it into the water's edge, dampening it and with one hand she reached down and slid her fingers into the thick clay. The warmth was again surprising and satisfying, like the ground here was alive with life. She scooped up a handful of the mud and transferred it into the bag followed by another few handfuls, until it was full. She then rinsed her hand in the spring and tied the bag closed. Nearby there was a thick branch buried upright into the ground, with twigs set like hooks from it. She hung the bag on the best hook that allowed the bag to gently hang in the water. The clay was divided out for her use, but the water would keep it fresh for tomorrow. The top half of the bag would dry out somewhat, whilst the lower half would stay wet. Once mixed together tomorrow the mix should be just right. She washed her hands again and then stood up to wash her feet as well.

Happy with that she stepped away from the spring and studied the sheltered area around the spring which would be where she would camp tonight. She selected the best place and put her bag and boots down. John remained out of sight, so she sat down and pulled out the towel she had brought with her and set about drying her feet and legs. That done she pulled her boots back on and set about collecting fallen twigs and dry leaves for her fire. There was a pile of slightly blackened stones to one side, which she could use to encircle her fire. She selected the stones she liked, feeling the history of them in her hands as she did; had her own ancestors handled these same stones?

She carried them to the best place and arranged them in a circle and set the twigs and leaves by it. The sunlight was dying way faster now, the tall hills surrounding the lake cutting off the sun sharply. She knelt by the circle and created her fire. It took a little longer than normal as the wood was a little damp and the air was rather humid from the spring. But, soon enough her fire was dancing away as she added larger twigs and branches to it. Happy with her creation she sat back and looked out into the trees, but still saw no sign of John. Though she wanted and needed privacy she suddenly wanted his company, but she didn't call out to him. Being by herself was important as he apparently understood more than she had realised. So, she returned her attention to her own inner thoughts as she looked past the fire to the spring and the lake beyond it.

-----

John's fire danced happily in the gentle breeze that moved through the trees. He had selected a spot slightly up hill from Teyla, back from an embankment that overlooked the spring. He wanted to give her the feeling of being alone, but from here he could see the light of her campfire and if he moved nearer the edge of the embankment he could see her silhouette and know she was alright.

Though this was her ritual and her time away by herself, he felt oddly like he was on a holiday of his own. The gentle walk along the lakeside had been calming and relaxing. That was once he had gotten over the beautiful image of Teyla walking bare footed along the water's edge. He had stood there and watched her, enjoying the image and wishing he had a camera all of a sudden. Though he didn't he knew he wouldn't forget that image of her. He had trailed along behind enjoying the stillness of the water and the silence that had been like a tonic on his soul that he hadn't realised he had needed. And now, he had a camp all to himself and he sat happily watching the flames and the dark trees around him as he ate.

He had even acquired some coffee granules for the trip, so he had made himself a nice comforting cup of the strong brew. He had added sugar as well, feeling like he really was on a holiday camping trip. It would keep him up for awhile, but that would be fine; he could watch out for her and enjoy the evening. He couldn't remember the last time he had been camping by himself. The last time camping had been a team event and Rodney had complained about everything. Now, John had the silence and the moonlight through the trees to himself. Well, almost. Teyla was in the distance and he craned his neck again to check her camp. He saw her fire's flames in the darkness, but her shape near them was missing. He lifted up from his seat of a log and studied the area around her camp, but then spotted movement through the trees towards him. Her outline was highlighted by the light from the fire as she climbed up the side of the embankment towards him.

He waited for her, surprised she was approaching him. He had the sudden dread that she was going to ask him to leave, to go back to Atlantis and leave her alone. Not only would he hate to leave her, but he had been enjoying the trip so far. He finished off the last of his chocolate bar and lifted the mug of steaming coffee to his lips as he watched her make her way to him. The brew tasted wonderful, always better cooked over a campfire in his opinion. He smiled at her as she stepped into the area of his camp.

"Hey." He greeted her.

"May I join you?" She asked indicating the fire.

"Sure." He replied.

She moved round to his side of the fire and settled on the log a few feet from him. She sniffed gently. "Do I smell coffee?" She asked with a smile to her voice.

He relaxed a little then; she didn't seem mad. "Want some?" He asked. She rarely drank coffee, but since Torren had arrived she sometimes relied on it to keep her awake.

She considered the question. "Do you have enough?" He almost laughed at her and himself as he realised that had she asked he would have given her the entire supply.

"I 'recovered' the end of a jar from Rodney's secret stash." He replied as he reached for the small travel pan he had brought that was cooling beside him which easily held enough for another cup. "I don't have another cup though." She reached for the pan without question. "I've got some sugar in it as well." He added.

"Sounds good." She replied as she took the pan. John watched as she tested the edge with her fingers to check it had cooled enough to drink, which he hoped it had. She set the pan on her lap over the turned edge of her coat.

John watched her for a minute waiting for her to say something and wondering if she really would ask him to leave. She didn't seem angry anymore, in fact she appeared very pensive.

"I still dream of Michael." She said softly. "Of his end." John had had his coffee almost to his lips when she spoke and now froze in that position; he had not expected her to say that.

He cleared his throat as he sipped the coffee as he tried to think quickly. "I'm not surprised. Those kind of things stay with you." He said weakly. What else could he say?

She lifted the pan from her lap, swirled it around and then lifted it to her lips. He had been wondering about how she felt about the Michael situation, but he had never expected her to just come out and speak about it with him. He looked away to the fire and found his mind turning to when he had felt similar thoughts as she was no doubt having. "I still remember the first person I killed in combat." John said softly as he looked into the flames. "Up close and personal that is."

"I have killed before." She replied as she placed the pan back down.

John looked over at her. "Not like that." He said as kindly as he could.

She looked down and he saw the emotion flicker over her face for a moment, before she blinked it away. He felt…he wasn't even sure what it was. Regret maybe. That she had lost something, some sense of innocence that he would have never have realised she had had before. Like she had sacrificed something of herself that night on that ledge, and it had been a brutal and noble act for her people, for her son.

"Torren is safe because of you." John said. "Michael had every chance to turn back from what he was doing."

"Did we make him that way though?" She whispered.

"Maybe." John replied as he looked back to the light of her distant campfire. "But, he had the choice with what to do with his life after the experiment. He chose violence and that was what he got…a violent end." He finished quietly.

"Is that how we will end?" She asked.

He looked at her quickly. It was a question he had asked himself before and it was odd to hear it asked from another's lips. "I don't know. What we do is different. We defend what is important and protect those that need it. Michael wasn't like that." He watched her through the darkness. "I didn't put what happened in my report." He added.

She nodded and smiled at him as she rested the pan back onto her lap. "I would not have asked you to leave it out."

"I know." John replied.

"Do you think I did the wrong thing?" She asked plainly.

"No." John replied immediately. "After what he had done to you and Torren, to your people…he deserved what he got."

She looked up at him. "But..?"

He didn't know how she knew there was more to what he was going to say when he hadn't. He looked away, feeling odd talking so openly about such things. "I worry about how it will affect you." He admitted.

"You do not think I can handle what I did?" She asked frowning.

"I think you can handle anything you put your mind to, Teyla." He replied. She waited, her tension clear from the way she was holding herself. "I'm worried how it'll change you." He admitted. He looked at her now and saw the same shadows around her eyes that had been there that night when she had fought Michael. "Guys like me, Teyla, we build up our crap over the years, don't really deal with it and we end up closed off and alone. That should never happen to you." He told her honestly.

She looked at him with her wide dark eyes, surprised at his words, at his honestly, as he was. She gave him a half smile, but the dark emotions were still there in her eyes. "And you do not believe I will deal with it?" She asked.

Honesty seemed to the theme of the night so he took a deep breath and continued with it. "You've been different since Michael took your people." He replied. It was something he had wanted to say to her for over a year, but had never thought he would have the opportunity, or the courage.

She looked away, the shadows deepening across her skin. "When I left my people to join Atlantis it was my choice. But, when they were taken; I lost them all in one sweep. It was too much. And it was my fault."

"What?"

"If Michael had not seen the potential of my Wraith gene he would never have targeted my people. Never taken them, tortured them and killed so many of them." Her voice broke slightly.

He turned further towards her. "Teyla, you are not to blame for what Michael did to your people." He insisted.

"Not directly perhaps, but I was the one he used to make his escape, the one whose mind he controlled to escape."

"He used you; that's hardly your fault." John said.

"He should have been killed when he found out what he was." She said harshly.

"Teyla." John started shocked at her words, but he didn't know what to say. She had always been the noble, compassionate one, and hearing her turn so dark was not nice to hear. "You don't really mean that. You fought for his right to exist. You were the one who made sure we thought about the moral questions of what we did."

"And look where being compassionate led me. My people were taken, experimented on and killed. My son was in danger from the moment he was conceived because of that compassion and finally I took it back from Michael."

John understood a little more now of what he had seen in her face that night. "You're angry at him, that's normal, Teyla. But, with time…"

"No." She stood up abruptly and he sat back surprised. "I made a mistake and I and my people paid for it." She said through her clenched jaw. "And I cleaned up that mistake."

John remained seated looking up at her in the firelight. He didn't know what to say that would convince her, help her come to terms with what she had done. Hell, he hadn't come to terms with some of the things he had done; how could he help her? He watched her blinking rapidly, trying to control the emotion that clearly wanted to be expressed. He knew about that. He had happily accepted an assignment to Antarctica to get away from facing his feelings. Not that it had helped in the least. She turned from him, appearing embarrassed and that only made him feel worse.

"Do you blame me for waking the Wraith?" He asked suddenly.

She looked back at him surprised. "No." She replied straight away which actually made him feel better, though he hadn't been looking for that.

"Why?" John asked. It was a subject matter that he would do anything to avoid discussing, but right now it could help her.

She sat back down on the log and shook her head. She knew where he was going with his question.

"Why?" He asked again.

She looked at him. "Because you were just trying to save your people and mine."

He nodded. "And...?"

She considered for a moment. "You did not know what the consequences would be."

John nodded. "Still hurt a hell of a lot of people with that choice." He added, unable to hide the emotion in his voice from her.

She looked at him across the distance between them and he tried to not hate or be comforted by the pity in her expression. "You were not the only one there. There were many factors." She said.

"As there were with Michael." He replied.

She looked back at the flames still looking unconvinced, but the tension had eased out of her slightly. "I feel to blame for what happened. If I had not been in Atlantis, or so compassionate for Michael maybe he would not have escaped." He hated to hear her speak like this. It was okay for guys like him to carry such burdens, but not her; she was too special, too kind and noble.

"Ifs and buts, Teyla. You want to live the rest of your life not being the compassionate person you naturally are because of Michael then I say he defeated you, not the other way round."

She stared up at him then, her eyes wide and bleak. He saw the shimmer of wetness in her eyes as she turned back to the flames.

He leant forward eager to ease the pain in her expression. He wanted to reach out to her, hold her, but he held back. "We made some serious mistakes with Michael, I'm not denying that." John added. "But he was still to blame for all those he killed and the consequences for his actions. I don't care how difficult life was for him." He watched her closely, studying every nuance of her expression for some clue to her thinking. He didn't know if talking so blatantly had been the right thing to do.

Eventually she nodded slightly. "Thank you for the coffee, John." She said as she placed the pan down between them. She stood up, her features still shadowed and he tried desperately for something else to say as she moved away to the edge of his camp.

She looked back at him. "And for your words." She added and he saw the flicker of a smile before she turned and headed off into the dark trees towards her own camp.

----  
TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Wow, thank you all for the amazing reviews! I'm amazed at the response - this was a fic I quickly wrote for myself after being frustrated with 'Prodigal' - I didn't expect anyone else to enjoy this idea as much as I have. So thanks again, I am currently writing chapter 6, so there will some more chapters going up soon as long as life doesn't get too busy this end.

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Teyla sat still and silent as the sun rose. She watched the sky change colour gradually and then more rapidly as the next day arrived. She had sat up late last night thinking about Michael, about her choices and about what John had said. She had sat on the edge of the spring in the dark moonlight and had let the tears, which she had denied for far too long, roll down her cheeks. She cried for her people being taken, for the injustice and confusion of Michael, for her fear for her son and for herself and for the choice she had made on that ledge. She didn't know for how long she had cried, but eventually the tears had run out and she had finally sat, still and empty by the spring.

Since that day when her people had been taken she had been so angry, so vengeful and then learning that it had been Michael who had taken them had only made that part of her more furious, harder and darker. She had made her way through her pregnancy alone, refusing no more than the gentle reassurance of friendship from those around her. Then being taken by Michael herself and having seen what he had turned her people into, what he had done to Kanaan had angered her and chilled her heart even colder. She had feared for her son's safety and she had never felt anything that terrifying before.

It was almost as if she had been living an entirely different life up until her people had been taken. Life had been full of possibilities and hope and then it had been taken from her. Everything that had been her own had been taken, except for her child. Though she had not planned to have him, that only made him more special in her mind; a wonderful unexpected gift of life, which had arrived just when all else had been bleak and painful.

But, with the exception of her feelings for her son, all the rest of her had closed up, pulled in; holding it together, keeping her pain and fear aside. She let the anger build up a strength that she had not known she had be capable of before. But, the hard stone cold version of her had lasted too long and only now that it was cracking and leaking away to join the spring did she realise how much she had changed. No one else had said anything like that to her before; only John. The distance between them this past year or more had perhaps been partly born from that fact; that she had changed. Though her experiences with Michael had made her stronger, that hard cold part of her that had kicked him from that ledge had to pull back now.

John had been right; she could not let what Michael did to her and her people change her like that. So she closed her eyes as the new day started and thanked that part of her for its strength and what she had been able to do to survive with its help and released it. Released the part of her that had been so terrified, so alone and so panicked by Michael and the loss of her people. As she opened her eyes she sighed, honestly feeling different following last night revelations and tears. And she had worried that she would not resolve anything during this ritual!

She turned from the spring and cleared up her camp area. She left the ring of stones for her return stop tonight. As she smothered out the last of the fire, kicking dirt over it, she wondered how much would change between then and now, since so much had changed since she had built the fire. The morning light was still low, so she had time to gather the last thing she needed. She walked back to the spring and walked around to the far side's bank, following the flowing water back out to the lake. On this side the beach began nice and close to the spring. She crouched down and began to look over the stones. She ran her hands over several of them, looking for just the right one. After ten minutes of looking along the small area of beach she found two stones that she liked. She rubbed her hand over the smooth sides created by the gentle ancient flow of water over stone. They were big enough to fit into her palm and had enough space for what she needed. She pocketed both and turned back towards the camp. As she returned she looked uphill to where John's camp had been above the embankment over looking the spring and saw that he was sitting on the edge watching her. He lifted a hand and she returned the greeting. He turned and moved away back towards his camp and she knew he would be gathering his things getting ready to leave.

She gathered up her bag and removed the clay filled bag from its hook and tied it to the back of her bag. Then she checked the fire was definitely out and headed up the hillside. John was waiting with his backpack on and his P90 across his lap. He stood up, but didn't approach, however his eyes latched onto hers. She paused and smiled at him and saw him visibly relax.

"Thank you for last night." She said.

He shuffled his feet in an off hand manner. "Anytime." He smiled as he studied her and she was sure he saw the change in her and it made her feel even better. She felt lighter this morning, like she had cried away a weight she had not known she had been carrying.

She turned from him and looked up at the large hillside towering over them. "We should reach the sacred point in several hours." She said, excited at continuing the journey.

"You're the leader." John replied with a smile.

She nodded and headed off. She knew he would hang back like yesterday and she was glad again that she had a silent protector watching over her. She wondered, as she climbed over a large fallen ancient tree, if she would have made her revelation about Michael and the changes to her if John had not been here to point it out to her. She smiled and thanked the Ancestors; he had ignored her request to leave her alone on this ritual and it appeared that he had had a role to play in it for her after all. She promised to herself that once they returned home that she would spend more time with John again, she had missed his company.

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John enjoyed the quiet trek up the hillside even more than he had yesterday's long walk. Some of his relaxation was most likely due to the change he had finally seen in Teyla. Last night he had fretted for hours over what he had said to her, or should have said. Only once did he leave his tent to check over the embankment to look down at her and he had seen her sitting quietly still by the spring, so he had left her to her requested solitude. This morning he had woken to find her already up and walking along the far side of the spring. He had sat and watched her as he ate his breakfast. She had been searching for a stone he gathered as her search had ended with her pocketing two. She had then closed up her camp, collected up her bag of mud and then joined him at his camp. He had been relieved to see the calmness to her eyes. There was also a touch of sorrow, but also a softness to her gaze that he had missed. And something in him had eased slightly; she was okay. And perhaps, he had even helped a little.

The hillside levelled off briefly after three hours of walking and he watched as she disappeared over the rise further up the trail from him, but then she reappeared looking back towards him. He nodded that she should go on, but she waited. He lengthened his stride and reached her in half the time he expected. She was sitting quietly on a tree stump. He didn't want to say anything to her, not wanting to intrude on her thoughts. She stood up, smiled and headed onwards. John held back a bit, but the trees were very thick here, which was why she must have waited for him, not wanting him to worry about losing her through the vegetation.

Finally the trees parted and sunlight shone around her. He paused as she stopped, but she turned to him and waved him over. Surprised he approached and saw the majestic view. The trees ended at a rocky outcropping reaching out from the side of the hill that looked out over the valleys beyond. He guessed the stony area was the sacred spot Teyla had been heading to as at the edge of the stony outcropping a waist high wall had been fashioned out of hundreds of stones with symbols carved over them. Teyla walked closer to the wall. It was an amazing place and no wonder it had been picked out as a special spot. John pulled back then, heading back into the trees, not wanting to approach the site any further. He paused at the edge of the tree line and waited for her to look back at him and then he nodded to the trees and left the rocky area.

He decided to patrol the area, check out anything suspicious or interesting. It only took half an hour and that was because he was taking his time. The site had been carefully picked as the continuing up slope of the hillside above it protected it from most of the wind that danced through the trees over him and it provided the best view he decided after he checked out the other side of the hillside. Happy the area was secure he returned to the trees close to where Teyla's sacred place was located. He picked a spot just up the hillside in the sunlight and settled down with his back against a tree. From there he could see down the hill and over to where Teyla was now sitting on the rocky area with a colourful blanket around her. He watched her for awhile, watched the breeze playing with the ends of her hair. Her face was relaxed as she sat in the indirect sunlight with her eyes closed. He looked away to stop himself from staring at her.

He rested back against the sun warmed tree and looked up at the waving colourful leaves above him. It was odd to think that Michael really was gone, but he was and John felt nothing but relief. He hadn't realised how much he had doubted that Michael had been killed with the destruction of his ship. He had known that the guy had survived somehow and would be back, but now he really was gone. Torren was safe and so were the Athosians. Ronon had told him that the Athosians were setting up a home again on a trading partner's world that had been badly damaged from the Replicators and the Wraith. They would be able to help those people rebuild and regain a home for themselves again. And they won't be looking over their shoulders worrying Michael would return again. Ronon had wondered if Teyla would join them, but John had insisted she wouldn't. Her home was Atlantis, wasn't it?

He looked back down to where she sat. She said this ritual was about making a change in her life, about a new beginning. Did that mean she was thinking of leaving Atlantis then? Maybe he had been right in thinking she wanted to take Torren and Kanaan away from the city. John tried to imagine Atlantis without Teyla, but he couldn't. She had been apart of his life in this galaxy since the first day he had arrived. That ache in his chest started up again.

He should want the best for her and for her to live a life that was best for her family. Torren needed other kids to play with didn't he? And to grow up as an Athosian. John hated the idea of Torren not being in Atlantis. The boy had become a permanent fixture in their lives now and though John didn't have all that much contact with the kid, he wanted to teach the boy football in the future, maybe show him some of the cartoons he and Rodney had been considering buying to entertain him with.

He watched the leaves and branches swaying over head. He had avoided having much contact with Torren, though he adored the little guy. He knew the real reason why that was; Torren represented the fact that Teyla had Kanaan and was happy with him. That wasn't Torren's fault of course. Maybe he should spend more time with the kid, he was his namesake after all. It also meant that he would have more interaction with Kanaan though. John really didn't like the guy. He knew he was biased and all that, but it didn't help him. Sure Kanaan seemed a nice guy, and he was Torren's dad, but John still didn't like him. Ronon spent some time with him and appeared to have a good friendship with him, but John avoided even talking to him. It wasn't that hard, as they rarely had to interact and if he and Teyla were in the mess hall together, John usually found an excuse to leave. He was a busy man after all.

He had managed to go quite awhile without addressing these issues, but sitting quietly in this beautiful forest seemed to make him start thinking about it all. Here he felt oddly safe, like he could sit and ponder as long as he liked and it wouldn't matter to anyone or anything. Here he could look at what he wanted and not have to deal with any consequences. And his affection for Teyla was a long standing issue, but at the end of the day there was no answer to be found here. She was with another man and they had a kid. John had missed his chance with her and he cursed himself for never having had the nerve to say something to her before. Of course he had had plenty of good reasons why he hadn't said anything before, but they all seemed rather stupid now.

He sighed and looked out over the gorgeous view. These thoughts didn't help. What he needed to do was let go of her, let go of his unrequited love and move on. He had tried though, but the only woman who interested him enough was Larrin and she wasn't around. And she was so different to Teyla, which was perhaps another reason why he was drawn to the idea of her. Larrin was spontaneously unpredictable and dangerous. She was lethally sexual and she had made her attraction to him clear. Of course he couldn't trust her for a second or have anything long term, but then again that only helped at the moment.

He rested his head back against the tree. It had been far too long since he had enjoyed the company of a woman. And he hated that he knew that was due to Teyla. He got a few offers from women in the city, or the occasional alien woman threw herself at him. But, that wasn't what he wanted.

A sound from the rocky area drew his attention and he saw that Teyla was moving around. She pulled several things out of her bag and he watched as she munched on one of Rodney's candy bars. She had one of the stones in one hand and was bent over it intently. He watched trying to guess what she was doing, but from here he couldn't be sure. So he looked away to the wall that surrounded the rocky outcrop. It was built up right along the edge, so close he wondered if some of it had already fallen over the edge. He leant forward and as he suspected it was a very long drop on the other side.

He looked back at Teyla and realised what the stone was for; she was going to add it to the wall. And that bag of mud was probably going to make up the mortar. He looked back to the wall and saw it in a new light. He estimated that there had to be over a hundred stones that he could see, which meant there was at least another hundred that he couldn't see on the other side of the wall. And all of them held a carving across the front of the stone, which suggested that Teyla was carving something into that stone in her hand, and why she was so intent on her work. He guessed it would take her awhile, so he sat back against the tree and waited patiently.

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Teyla worked silently listening only to the sweet calling of birds, the movement of leaves in the breeze and her own thoughts. She worked carefully as she carved, wanting the stone to look just right. Her mind turned back to the Athosian symbol high up in that first tree and wondered which of the stones set in the wall before her had been that person's stone. She lifted her eyes to the one stone that she had most wanted to see and had been so relieved to see that there had been a free space near it. It was her mother's stone. It was set near the end of the semi-circle shape to the wall, like her mother wanted to encourage the wall to be extended further towards the trees. There were stones around it, but there was space just close enough to sit above it and she smiled at the space; her space. She wondered if one day Torren would travel here as an adult and add his stone near hers. Had her mother wondered the same about her future descendants?

The memories she had of her mother were few as she had been taken by the Wraith when Teyla was young. But, she did remember her mother's strength and that she was highly respected among their people. Teyla wished for a moment that she was alive so she could hold her grandson. She wondered what her mother would think of Teyla's choices and her life. Charin had told her that her mother would have been proud of her, but had those just been kind words to soothe a child's heart? Though Teyla knew she would be proud of Torren always.

She kept carving away at her stone as she thought of her family. People had told her that her mother and father had been a wonderful couple who, though appearing very different, had been very well matched. They had argued a lot some had told her, but their arguments had always ended in laughter and resolution. That pleased Teyla; to know that her parents had loved each other so much and that they had enjoyed what years they had had together.

She paused in her carving and looked over to her mother's stone again. It was elegantly carved and carefully set into the wall. She imagined her mother crouched before the wall her hands pressing the stone and mortar into place. A smile danced over her lips though she felt saddened by thinking such thoughts. It felt good to be so close to her family here.

She looked up towards where John sat in the sunshine. His eyes were turned up to the trees above him and his expression was happily relaxed. She rarely saw him so contented that she found herself staring up at him. He looked round eventually and she tilted her chin, inviting him down to her. He lifted an eyebrow in surprise, but stood up and disappeared from view as he made his way down to her.

She returned her attention to the final touches to her stone and waited for him to join her. After only a few minutes she heard him stepping out towards her through the fallen leaves. He paused and she looked round to see him waiting at the edge of the sacred area. She got up and moved over to the section of the wall in which her mother's stone sat; she felt the need to share the history with someone, with John. He approached carefully and she was pleased to see that he respected the area. She crouched down by the wall with her stone in her hand and reached out to her mother's stone. She ran her fingers along the elegant lines carved by her own mother's hands so long ago.

"This is my mother's stone." She told him.

He moved closer, crouching down by her. "Your mom's?" He asked with clear surprise.

She looked up at him through the sunshine and smiled. "Yes. Everyone who walks the Questioning Way leaves a stone in the wall."

"That's what the mud is for from the lake?" He commented looking back at her things which included the damp bag of clay from the spring.

"Yes. I need to mix in some other ingredients and it will hold strong in the wall for a long time to come."

He looked up at the wall that reached just over their heads whilst they were crouched down. "Why is it built so close to the cliff edge?" He asked quietly.

Teyla withdrew her touch from her mother's stone and looked round at the beautiful wall made from many hands with separate uniquely chosen stones. "My father told me that this is the third wall that has stood here. Eventually the wind and weather will claim the wall and the stones will fall down the cliff to be scattered where they wish, yet the stones will continue to exist, like our bloodlines and our spirits; we continue, even in the face of overwhelming odds. We surrender ourselves to the evitable that time will claim us all and scatter us in the wind from each other. Yet, we still choose to stand together and appreciate what is beautiful about life." She looked at the small part of the landscape she could see around the wall.

John remained quiet and she wondered if he could accept such things; was he a man who really could accept the evitable and surrender?

John looked at the wall of stones that surrounded them and tried to imagine them all eventually surrendering to the weather erosion and falling away down the steep cliff face on the other side of the wall. His eyes dropped back to the stone that had been set in the wall by Teyla's own mother and he had the urge to reach out and run his fingers along the carved lines as Teyla had done. The lines and spirals of the stone were delicately drawn and looked as crisp as the day they had been formed. He looked over to Teyla, to the stone in her own hand. A similar design lay over the stone that lay nestled in her palm. The lines and swirls that she had carved so quickly and efficiently had a wonderful elegance that appealed to him. He wanted to run his fingers along those lines, feel the meaning of them through his fingertips. Surprised at his thoughts he cleared his throat.

Teyla looked round to him.

"That your stone?" He asked foolishly as it obviously was, but she nodded and looked down at the stone she held.

"It's a beautiful design." He found himself telling her. He was never one for art, it all went over his head, but what she had carved was oddly fascinating to him. He wondered what it meant.

She smiled up at him with her eyes suddenly bright. "It is my name." She replied.

His skin flushed in embarrassment as he looked back down at the stone. "That's Athosian writing?" He asked. He couldn't ever remember seeing any of her written language before.

"Yes." She replied.

He looked over to her mother's stone again and noticed the clear similarities, but also the differences. He noted one strong sweeping line with two spirals and when he looked at Teyla's he saw the same symbol. "Your mother was called Tagan?" He asked.

"Yes." She said with clear pleasure that he had remembered.

He reached out and touched the line on the wall's stone. "Is this is a 't'?"

"Yes. Though it is also a link to my family line." She reached out to the letter under his fingers. "This part is the sound of 't', but this swirling part here indicates that we are of the Emmagan line."

"Your bloodlines are traced through mothers?" He asked.

"Mostly, but if a woman has only sons then the family line's symbol will be added to his name, so the lines can continue to be traced."

"So Torren's would have this symbol." John said understanding as he touched the Emmagan swirl in her mother's name.

"Yes. The Athosian language contains more symbols and lineage meanings than your languages from Earth. There are also some words and names that seem to have come from the Ancient's language." She added.

She watched John look at the wall of stones and she felt pleased she was sharing part of her people's legacy with someone else, and someone who knew nothing of the Athosians' history.

"There're quite a few languages here." He commented.

She nodded looking over the other stones. "Yes, this place is respected and visited by at least four other worlds, but there are stones here whose languages I do not recognise."

John nodded. After some studying he decided the Athosian language was the prettiest and as he looked at Teyla's stone out the corner of his eyes again, he knew hers would look just right there as well. "You putting yours near your mom's?" He asked, already guessing she was.

"Yes." She replied as she reached out and touched the stone again.

"Did she come here when you were young?" He asked curious suddenly about her family.

"No, she walked the Questioning Way before I was born." Teyla replied. She traced the lettering and symbols of her mother's name again as she smiled softly. "My father told me she travelled here to consider an issue between her and her own mother. However, Charin told me that in truth my mother walked the Way to decide whether she should marry my father." She smiled at the knowledge that her father had never known. Charin had sworn Teyla to the secret and she had agreed. She had often wondered what would have happened if her mother had not walked the Questioning Way on the issue. She had always wondered why it had been such a major decision for her mother to use her one trip on the Way to consider it. Now, she was older and a mother she understood the importance of such huge decisions and how life was far more complicated than expected.

"Is that why you're here?" John asked softly.

She looked round surprised and unclear about his question. "To consider a joining ceremony?"

John nodded worried and his hands grew abruptly cold around the P90 still resting in his hands. He wasn't sure if she had looked surprised because of the question or because he had actually asked her.

"No." She replied. She considered him for a moment; he had appeared worried when he had asked her. She looked back at the wall of generations of others around her. "Kanaan and I have not returned to our former relationship since he was returned from Michael."

"What?" John asked abruptly, surprising her once again.

John realised he had shocked her with his outburst and he quickly tried to cover his mistake. "I mean, I'm surprised is all. But, he's Torren's father… We just all assumed." He mumbled through the words, trying to ignore the burst of delight that was warming his body.

"He will always be of great importance in my life, but…things have changed." She added softly.

"Because of Michael?" John asked. He couldn't believe he was actually asking all these questions. What was it with this place?

Teyla drew a breath and he feared he had pushed too hard. But, she answered before he could apologise. "Partly because of what has happened, but though Kanaan is a wonderful father to Torren, we want different things and…" She trailed off. She looked briefly up at John's stunned expression. "Things change."

He couldn't believe what she had just told him; she wasn't with Kanaan. How long had he been cursing the situation and his cowardice and now he had found out that she wasn't even with Kanaan. A weight eased from his shoulders and from his chest and he felt suddenly happier. He looked back to the wall as she did and they sat in silence for a moment.

"Would you like to add a stone to the wall?" She asked breaking through his thoughts.

He looked round at her. "Me?"

"Yes. I brought two stones in case the carving did not take to this one."

He felt shocked again in such a short space of time. "But…but I didn't do the ritual thingy." He uttered.

She smiled gently. "The Way is the journey and you have walked it all with me. You will have to take a bath in the spring on the way back and then you will have completed the ritual as well as I."

He opened and closed his mouth for a moment, feeling beyond honoured. He looked at the wall and the area where Teyla would place her stone near her mother's; his name could be added here. "Would your people frown on it?" He asked.

She chuckled at the worried stunned expression on his face, but she saw the yearning in his eyes as he looked down to where the stones would be set. "You have walked the Questioning Way, so your name has a place here if you wish it." She watched him as he considered it.

"Okay." He replied. She smiled brightly and turned back to her things. She picked up the other smooth stone she had brought with her and handed it to him.

"Mine won't look as amazing as yours though." John said.

"It does not matter, besides no one will know what Earth writing is supposed to look like." She added.

John liked that idea and moved over to the area where she had carved hers and sat down on the sun warmed rocky ground. He pulled his knife out from his belt and considered the stone in his hand. Teyla picked up the colourful blanket from the ground and draped it around his shoulders. He looked up surprised, but she only smiled. The blanket smelt of incense and her.

"I am going to collect the other ingredients of the mortar." She said softly and turned away.

John turned his attention back to the stone in his hand. He had never been any good at art and he felt suddenly worried about how the stone would look. A small dish of water sat nearby and he dipped his finger in it as he had seen Teyla do before and he traced the lines of his name on the stone. After wiping it clean and trying it again several times he finally began carving. Time passed around him as he worked, styling his own name in the rock following the water and scratched guiding lines. Teyla moved around him quietly and he looked up at one point to see she was mixing sand and grit into the clay, working it with her hands. He turned back to his work, finishing off the sweeping end of the J again. He sat back and studied it intently and carved out some more. It was an interesting medium to work with as there was no way to delete a mistake or rub it out. He had to accept the tiny mistakes and meld them into the design somehow.

Teyla was happy with the mortar mix as she wiped her hands on a cloth. She looked over at John again and smiled at his scrutiny of his work. Part of the carving of one's name was to realise many things. She knew without asking that he wouldn't be happy with the final product. He wasn't one for art he had muttered earlier, but she had left him in silence under her Athosian ceremonial blanket.

She turned her attention back to her own stone as she held it roughly where she wanted it to end up in the wall. She placed it down and began to add the mortar to the wall, the mixture warm between her fingers. She worked carefully, making sure she did not obscure any other set stones. When she had added enough and built it up to contain her stone she picked up her stone and placed it gently into its new home. As she did she sent a silent pray to the Ancestors. She thanked them for their guidance thus far and asked them to continue to walk with her as she finished the Way tomorrow. She asked for further insights and some guidance as to where she should go in her life from now onwards. She pressed the stone into position and began to add more mortar around it. She worked silently, moulding the clay mix with her hands. It felt pleasurable to be adding to the wall and to be working with her hands. Finally she was happy the stone was securely settled.

John watched her finish setting her stone and then wipe down her hands on a cloth, which she then used one corner to wipe over the surface of her stone to clear the mortar from its beautiful lines. Then she turned to him and smiled. He moved over to where she sat by the wall.

She looked round at the wall around them. "Where would you like to place your stone?" She asked.

John looked around at the wall; there were various places where new stones could be added, but he just turned back to where hers and her mother's were. "Here, if I can." He asked.

She smiled and sat back and away from the wall. "You need to choose where and add it yourself."

"Okay." John replied as they swapped places. He settled down cross-legged and pulled off his watch and wrist band and contemplated the wall and its potential places for his name. He held the stone up and tried various places and finally decided that it looked best and most stable near Teyla's. He set the stone aside and picked up a handful of mortar. The mixture was warm between his fingers, the texture enjoyable as he turned to adding it to the wall. He added some to the side of Teyla's work and around the area below where his stone would sit. He built it up enough and then wiped off one hand on the cloth and placed his stone in place. After a moments' consideration he replaced it so the name wasn't so horizontal, but at a slight angle; he preferred that. Happy he held it in place as he worked the mortar around it. He added more between his and Teyla's which would make both their stones more stable anyway. Finally he had enough and he set about smoothing it all out and wiping the stone clear. He sat back and considered his work. His name was basically drawn, but he liked the sweeping end of the large J at the start of his name.

"Finished?" Teyla asked softly from over his shoulder and he looked round surprised she was so close.

"Yep." He replied.

She stood up and regarded the stones and the wall. "They look good." She said with a smile.

He stood up himself and headed over to the bottle of water and washed his hands and fingernails more thoroughly. That done he looked back to the wall and saw she was right; their work looked good. He wondered if in years to come someone else would look at the strange Earth writing and wonder who had carved it. Would someone sit in front of his stone and imagine what his life must have been like, wonder where he had come from and what the strange alien name meant. He wiped his hands off on the dry cloth and looked out over the beautiful view and felt hugely satisfied leaving his name here. He wondered how many years it would take for his stone to surrender to the weather erosion and fall away, would it hold fast longer than John lived, or will it fall away sooner? Where would it fall? And as he turned back to their stones set so close above Tagan's stone he found himself wondering if Teyla's stone would fall along side his.

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TBC


	4. Chapter 4

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The trip back down the hillside was considerably easier and quicker than the way up. John followed Teyla down the trail, still keeping back to give her some resemblance of solitude. She walked silently, her eyes on the trail before her and clearly her thoughts were off somewhere else. He had to admit that his own mind was busy; thinking back to his stone set back up there drying in the sun. And Teyla's revelation.

He was still shocked to realise she wasn't with Kanaan anymore. It changed everything. He had thought he would have no chance with her, but now the possibility existed once again and he felt happier about life. His steps were lighter and he enjoyed the sunlight through the trees more than before. After an hour though his thoughts went a little bit darker again; she might be unattached again, but he realised that he was back in his old place again. He wasn't entirely sure she liked him as more than a friend and any move he made would change the team dynamics dramatically. After another hour he admitted that maybe he was a coward when it came to Teyla. If she turned him down he would not only feel like an idiot, but their friendship could be ruined, a friendship he really valued. It would also mean she might no longer want to be in the same team; the best team he had ever had, despite Rodney. He smiled at his own teasing joke; wasted really without Rodney around to actually tease.

Of course if Teyla turned him down he would feel weird in the same team. He was sure he would get over it, but…he really liked her. And maybe with Torren to care for she didn't want to be in a relationship at the moment. She had kept Kanaan away, the father of her child, would she really want another man around wanting her time?

He looked down the hillside to where she was walking calmly and steadily through the trees. He had really enjoyed earlier; sitting in the sunlight, sharing the stone carvings with her and adding his own stone to the wall. She had said he was walking his own version of the ritual; the Questioning Way. It was a simple enough ritual in his eyes; go for a nice walk, leave a stone behind, have a nice dip in a beautiful spring and then back home. During that time he had to contemplate his life and the changes in it, where he wanted his life to go and what he was carrying that he no longer needed.

Unbidden, as if in response to that thought, Nancy came to mind. It had been strange seeing her last year at his father's funeral and then she had helped out with that Replicator incident. It had brought back none too happy memories of their short marriage and of his father. Teyla had spoken of her father and mother with such love and sadness. John wished he had stories of his father that made him miss him, but there were none. Most of John's childhood had been a struggle against his father's strong stubborn will over him. Dave had faired better, but then he had been happy to become what their father wanted. John had not. He had wanted nothing more than to fly. And when he made choices that his father had disapproved of he was thrown out of home. He had been fine with that, for it had brought freedom. But, as he walked through the trees following a woman whose heritage lingered in the air like the falling leaves, he found himself wishing he had been more connected to his roots and his family.

Seeing her with Torren had brought other ideas to John's mind. He had always been happy to have his freedom, but lately he had been thinking about the prospect of having a family, children of his own. He would work to be the best dad he could and nothing like how his father had been. The idea of having a family around him of his choice who he could love and be loved by; it was honestly appealing for the first time ever.

He sighed at the turning thoughts. He looked up at a break in the trees above him and saw that clouds were gathering across the sky; it would probably rain tonight. He was infinitely glad he had brought his tent with him. It had been pretty comfortable last night and had plenty of room for his long frame to stretch out in. And there would be enough coffee for a mug tonight and tomorrow as well. All in all a good couple of days.

They reached the spring again half an hour later. Above them the clouds were blocking the late afternoon sun, but the air was still warm enough around them. Teyla led him to the spring's edge and showed him the stone steps that led down to the spring and the stepping stones that led from there over the bank to a dry sheltered ledge where clothes could be left. She explained that the clay had purifying properties and could be used to cleanse the skin and it was an important part of the ritual. She also mentioned that one had to bathe naked in the spring. John kept his mind well away from any thoughts that might bring forth and just nodded along. He told her to bathe first, that he needed to patrol and collect firewood for their camp fires before the rain hit. As he walked away he promised her he would keep away until she called. She had smiled at him and he had left quickly before he caught even a glimpse of Teyla skin.

He made his way up the embankment, keeping his gaze well away from the view over the spring. He set up his tent, during which his radio burst to life with Atlantis' check-in. He reported that all was well and then set out into the trees to check the area. He seriously doubted there was anything around; he hadn't seen anything other than birds and what looked like a cross between a squirrel and a badger that was clearly more afraid of him and his curiosity in the creature. He watched the white strip of one's tail as it scrabbled quickly up into the branches of a tree. He passed under the high branches and saw it looking down at him with wide brown eyes.

The sunlight was streaking through the trees and branches above him creating pools of bright late afternoon light as he walked on. He wandered through the changing light half-heartedly collecting wood for the fires. He had enough already but he wanted to keep busy in the forest away from the spring. He was quite proud of himself for keeping his mind focused on the forest and not on what Teyla was doing.

After some time he heard her voice through the trees and he turned back towards her voice with relief. He took his time through the trees and light patches towards the gentle sound of the spring. The air smelt of the minerals in the water and clay and the air's humidity had increased probably due to the approaching rain. He stepped cautiously out from the trees to find that Teyla was fully dressed though her hair was wet. Her cheeks were rosy from her bath and she seemed very relaxed and contented.

"Good bath?" He asked with a smile of greeting.

"Yes, the water is wonderfully warm." She replied. "I will leave you to your cleansing bath. I am going to walk back along the beach for awhile." She added.

He nodded and watched her head off along the edge of the spring following the waterline back out to the beach. "I promise to stay away until you call." She repeated his earlier words back to him with a smile in her voice.

He watched her leave and then turned back to the spring in front of him. He didn't really need to complete the ritual he told himself. But then a bath sounded like a good idea and the water looked very inviting. He knew he was alone here and that the squirrel badgers wouldn't be judging him.

He headed over to the ledge for his things and noted the damp footprints that led along the stepping stones from the spring to the ledge. Her footsteps were dainty and precisely placed on each stone between the spring and the ledge. He set his P90 down and pulled off his sidearm and undid his boots. He opened his backpack and checked where his fresh t-shirt and underwear were that he had brought with him. He left the bodywash in the bag as she had said he should use the clay to wash with and besides he hated the idea of polluting the spring with the chemicals. He pulled off his vest, jacket and shoved his t-shirt into his bag, then quickly pulled off his boots, socks which also went in the bag and finally his trousers. After a beat he pulled off his boxers as well and threw them into the bag.

Quickly he turned to the spring, the air cool over his bare body. He paused and turned back to his things, pulled off his dog tags and added them to his pile of clothes. He followed Teyla's footprints to the spring's edge and its stone steps leading down into the water. A light steam rose from the water and he could taste its fresh flavour in the air. Carefully and cautiously he stepped down the steps, following the splashes of Teyla's exit and the water greeted his feet warmly. She had been right the water was warmer than he had expected. He moved quickly down into the water and sighed in pleasure as the water glided up his body to his neck. It was warm and soft against his skin and the rich mineral smell was even stronger.

He kicked over towards the spring until he could feel the stony floor under him. Smooth rocks greeted his bare feet and he moved up towards an area of clay that he could see Teyla had been using. He reached the handprints, the water only up to his waist now and he sank his fingers into the rich pale clay. It was even purer here than in the mortar he had used to set his stone into the wall. He rubbed the clay over the back of his other hand before then washing it away in the water and his skin was left clean and fresh. He gathered a full handful of the clay and rubbed it over his arms, enjoying the rich earthy smell. He washed himself completely with the clay and as it washed away he was left nicely clean and sweet smelling, in a masculine way of course.

That completed he moved out into the deeper water and just drifted in the warm water. He watched the water flowing away into the lake and he sighed through the gentle steam. He dropped his head back into the water and looked up at the sky through the trees overhead and relaxed his body completely for a few moments, just allowing his body to drift naturally in the water. Above him the clouds were darker and he could see that the wind had picked up over the tree tops, but down here he was protected from all that. Down here it was still warm and safe and he closed his eyes with a sigh. He emptied his mind of thoughts and just listened to the spring gently bubbling behind him. As he moved his arms occasionally the ripples of water tickled gently against his sides.

The light level began to drop after awhile and he decided he had been bathing long enough. He turned back towards the spring and gently swam his way to the stone steps with long lazy strokes. He felt different, more relaxed and calmer than he had felt in a long time. He reached the steps and lifted himself up out of the water onto the lower step. He got his feet under him and strode up out of the water and along the stones to the ledge. He didn't care about his nudity any more, instead enjoying the breeze over his skin, even though it was a little cool compared to the water.

He dried himself off with his towel and pulled on his fresh boxers and trousers. He pulled on new socks and pushed his feet back into his boots. He rubbed the towel over his hair, knowing it would be sticking up in all directions, but he didn't care. As he dried one ear he realised he could hear distant splashing along the beach. He had no idea how long he had been in the water.

"Teyla." He called into the fading light. "You can come back now."

The splashing grew louder as he towelled his hair off some more. He dug in his bag and pulled out his travel deodorant and rolled on the musky scent. Behind him he heard the sounds of moving branches and he turned to see Teyla emerge from the trees around the bank. He smiled and turned back to the ledge, reaching down to pick up his dog tags.

"Did you enjoy the water?" She asked after a pause.

He looped the metal chain over his head as he nodded. "Very much." He turned back to her, feeling oddly exposed without a shirt on in front of her. Hell he had been bathing without a stitch on him with all the birds and squirrel badgers to see and here he was feeling naked just without a shirt. He pushed aside the silly thoughts as he looked back at her. She lifted her eyes abruptly as if she had been looking at his back. He paused confused for a moment that he had seen something in her expression, but then she turned away.

"Good, I thought you would." She said as she walked along the spring's edge back towards her camp area. John watched her walk away with an odd sense of something in his gut; like he had just missed something. He turned back to his things and pulled on his clean shirt and then his jacket.

"You know, back on Earth people would pay a fortune for a spa like that." He commented as he tied his bootlaces.

"To swim in a spring?" She called back along the spring's edge.

"Well, no, but there's not many natural springs around. Well, not in my country and most of them probably wouldn't be as gorgeous as this place." He added as he pulled on his vest. He turned to look at her preparing her campfire with the wood he had provided.

"Are springs considered sacred on your world?" She asked.

He gathered together his things into his bag. "Well, they used to be I think. I think they're associated with goddesses and things." He made his way along the spring's bank towards her. She had the fire already alight and was adding large branches.

She looked up as he approached. "Goddesses." She said with interest.

John placed his bag down at his feet as he paused at the edge of her camp. "Yeah, you know; bringing forth life…" He waved his hand in a general giving gesture as he looked to the spring bubbling out fresh water near him.

"I see." She replied from where she sat by her fire, leaning forward so that her hair hung over the growing heat to dry. John watched her run her fingers through the reddish strands and thought she looked rather goddess like to him.

He looked away shaking his head at the turn of his love struck thoughts. Maybe it was the clay. He cleared his throat. "So, is there any more to this ritual I need to know?"

"With the cleansing bath we have discarded the old, and now tonight we are to sit by the spring and consider the future. Reflect on your life from now onwards; where you wish to go, who with, what you want to do."

"So, just the small things really." John replied.

She gave him a wide toothy grin as she looked up from the spring to him. "Yes, the small things in life."

He nodded amused, but also a little freaked out at the prospect as he looked back to the spring.

"Would you like to camp down here for tonight? We can share the evening meal and you can spend some time closer to the spring if you wish?" She asked.

"Okay." He replied, silently aware that it wasn't the spring that he wanted to be closer to. "I'd like that. I'll go bring the tent down here." He hoped she couldn't hear the eagerness in his voice like he could.

----

The rain began to fall as they began sipping on the coffee following their meal. Teyla looked up at the trees overhead and watched the leaves dancing with the light rain. She was sure there would be considerably more rain later, but for now it was not intruding on their camp. She returned her attention to John sitting beside her by the fire, both of them facing the spring. A steady cloud of mist hung over the spring pool as the chilled night air touched the warm living water from the spring. She inhaled the scent of the spring's clay, fresh rain and the light touch of John beside her. She looked to him beside her and watched as he lifted the pan of coffee to his lips and sipped the sweet liquid.

"Did he really say that?" She asked with a smile.

"Yep." John replied as he lowered the pan back to his lap. "He grabbed me by the back of my flight jacket and said "Don't think you're gonna be writing any cheques your body can't cash with me, boy!"" He said with a heavy accent she did not recognise from any of those on Atlantis.

She laughed at the image in her mind of a youthful John Sheppard being manhandled. "Does everyone on your world know that movie?" She asked.

"Probably everyone in my country and in a few others. Definitely anyone who even dreamed of being a pilot." He smiled.

During her first year in Atlantis she had asked John what it meant to be a pilot on his world. She knew the Jumpers were new and special to the people from Earth, but all she knew of ships were the Wraith darts that had taken her people. John had explained to her what their ships, or planes, were like, but it was difficult to imagine what he clearly loved so much that after a sentence of two he lapsed into a technical language of which she had no knowledge. Days later he had appeared with a DVD from another member of the expedition. They had sat down to watch it in along with the rest of the team and before it was even halfway through the room had been full with what had felt like most of the expedition. She had noticed that a large proportion of them could quote certain lines from the movie. It was on her second quieter viewing that she really watched the movie and studied the completely alien vehicles in the movie. John had told her all the names and explained various details about his world as they had watched it.

The movie was a very popular choice still on movie nights and it appeared that no one grew bored with it. She had watched it many times herself now and had grown to enjoy it as much as the others, but she particularly enjoyed the stories it provoked from the people in Atlantis. John would often end up telling stories about larger planes and choppers that had the others thoroughly engrossed, but she only understood half of what he said. What was clear to her from that movie was that John fitted into that role of air pilot very well. He was bold, courageous, fast and rather resistance to authority. Though she would have thought these traits would put off employers of those who handled such expensive and dangerous technology it also meant that these people, mostly men, were perfect for the dangerous job they lived. They were risk takers and as she understood from them and from the movie was that for them flying in an Earth plane was far more hazardous than flying a Jumper.

"Do you miss flying planes from Earth?" She asked.

He sipped on his coffee some more. "Sometimes, but between them or flying Jumpers, I would take the Jumpers any day." She enjoyed the pleasure in his eyes.

"You prefer the speed?" She asked with a smile remembering the movie.

"There is nothing on Earth that can go as fast as a Jumper, and even if there was it would probably kill you from the pressure." He licked his lips as he placed the pan back down on his leg. "And the responsiveness is amazing in a Jumper."

"The neural interface."

"Yeah, we're nowhere near coming up with something like that. Rodney doesn't even know how the Jumpers do it. It's amazing, Teyla, I just need to think of a manoeuvre and I can feel the Jumper respond that it's ready. It performs twists and slings round like it was alive sometimes." She smiled at the delight in his face. "Those Ancients were geniuses. Well, they don't look good, I'll give you that." He added. "It looks like a toilet roll."

She chuckled at that. "I assumed they simply wanted it to fit through the Gate with the maximum amount of space inside."

"Sure, but where's the fun in that?" John asked with a sparkle in his eye.

She laughed again. "And what happened to you after they put your plane back together again?"

"Only a few small pieces came off." He protested. "I had to take a couple of weeks off." He replied.

She frowned. "That hardly seems like a good punishment for what you did."

He tried to look wounded. "It's the ultimate punishment; not being allowed to fly. And I had to clean quite a few toilets." He added. "But it was so worth it. My record stood for five years before someone else beat my time and that was only because the technology was better."

She nodded sagely. "Of course."

"Hey, I might not have been the biggest, smartest or loudest, but there isn't a bird that flies that I can't fly." He added. "And now I get to fly alien spacecraft for a living."

She looked down at the remains of the coffee in her borrowed mug. "What would happen if the expedition was recalled though? Would you be happy flying ships like the Daedalus?" She couldn't quite hide the worried touch to her tone.

He looked down into the flames before them. "I guess. I would probably be back working in the SGC, like the last time we were recalled. I know they're trying to come up with an Earth version of a Jumper; maybe I could get to be a test pilot. Earth has a couple of Jumpers; I could fly them I guess." She watched him watching the campfire. "I could probably afford a small plane of my own by the time we end up back there."

She turned from him then. It was true that though the prospect of being recalled was always a possibility with the IOA, the truth was that one day John would leave. Even if the city remained a base for Earth for many years to come, one day John would want to return home, either to retire or maybe a day would come when he would want a life outside of his now. The thought was disturbing to her. When the expedition had been recalled before it had been very painful for her. It had been at that time, back living with her people full time, that she had grown closer to Kanaan. Then the people of Earth had returned and she had happily returned to her life with them, back with her friends, back with John. And then they had lost Carson.

It had been a powerful blow to them all who had been close to the kind and wonderful doctor. It had been soon after that that she had accepted Kanaan's gentle advances and their relationship had properly began. Now looking back she had to wonder if that had been due to what had happened before, that she had begun that relationship to satisfy her need for something outside of Atlantis. For if the expedition was recalled again she would have something in her life that didn't leave with them.

"I would love to properly visit Earth one day." She said softly. "That is outside of the SGC and your mind." She added with a smile.

"Its way better than you saw through me, I can tell you." John replied looking more cheerful again. "There's pretty much any kind of environment you can imagine and a huge variety of people."

"I would love to visit some of the places I have seen in movies and in books from your world."

"You should go. The IOA will probably let you as long as you're with someone." He smiled. "I could show you a ferris wheel."

She laughed again.

"We should do it. I'll have a word with Woolsey. Especially if you've got Torren with you; what harm could you do?" He paused. "Though I do remember you spending a huge amount in that store I conjured up."

She batted his closest knee. "I did not. Besides, I had never seen so much variation of styles and colours." She remembered the intense experience of seeing Earth through John's mind.

"We could get some stuff for Torren. There're entire stores just full of baby stuff." He added as he finished off the last of his coffee and set the pan down on the ground by the fire.

"Why would a baby want so much?" She asked.

He looked at her with that look he sometimes got when he wasn't sure if she was teasing him or not. "Not all at once. There's stuff for all ages from cribs, clothes…I don't know I've only been in one once."

She lifted an eyebrow. "Why were you in a baby store?"

He looked down at the fire again and his expression closed up slightly. "To find a gift for someone." There was a pause. "I think Nancy was dropping hints in making me go with her."

Ronon had told her about Nancy. "Your ex-wife?" She asked gently, not knowing if he would want to talk about it. He had never mentioned his ex-wife before, or any of his family until his father had died. He had told her since that he and his father had not been on speaking terms for a very long time and that was all she knew. But, she had seen the pain and hurt in his eyes and in the way he had quickly turned the conversation onto something else. She wondered if he would do the same here.

"Yeah." He replied and they lapsed into silence.

"What did you buy in the end?" She asked so he wouldn't feel uncomfortable.

He looked up from the ground and thought for awhile. "I think it was something with a bunny on it. I don't really remember. But, there was pretty much everything you could want for a kid, of any age."

"I would like to see one of those stores then." She said. "I am sure Torren would enjoy it as well as us."

"If you wanted a plane ride I could probably arrange that as well." He suggested.

"Really?" She liked the idea of trying that way of travelling, though nervous as well. "Would you be flying it?" She asked.

He smiled at that. "Sure."

"Good." She replied. She would trust his skill over any others'.

"I'll have a word with Woolsey if you want. We might have to say that I'm visiting family or something and you wanted to see Earth. That might work."

She nodded, the prospect of seeing some of the things she had seen and heard of from Earth was ever so appealing.

"Guess I've worked out a bit of where I want to go in the future then." John said with some amusement.

She regarded him as he leant forward resting his forearms on his legs as he looked out over the fire to the spring. "You do not have any other plans?" She asked. It wasn't considered polite to ask someone about what they had discovered on the Questioning Way until they spoke of it, but John wasn't of her people.

"Not really. Keep doing what I'm doing I guess." He replied as he shrugged.

"There isn't anything you want to change in your life? Things you wish you could do or places you wish to go?" She asked softly, hoping to help him in his questioning, and she had a real need suddenly to hear more from him.

There was a pause as he looked round at her and then away to the fire. "Maybe."

She found herself leaning slightly closer to him, drawn in by the hidden knowledge that was John Sheppard. The firelight flickered over his handsome features and she had the urge to reach out to him, to touch him. He looked lost and conflicted as he looked at the fire and she found she was holding her breath waiting for him to say more.

"What?" She prompted him and heard her voice was full of curiosity and she hated to think that perhaps the need that she had always kept so secret had crept into her voice as well. Realising that she was intruding far too much she pulled herself back from him. "I am sorry, I should not pry, forgive me." She said quickly.

He shook his head and looked at her. "Don't worry about it, Teyla."

She pulled together the odd strands of what she had just been feeling together and clamped control over the emotions and disappointment that lingered.

"Can I ask you a question?" He asked quietly.

She looked back to him, happy to have a distraction. "Of course."

He studied her for a moment through the glowing light. "Are you thinking of rejoining your people?"

She was surprised at his question. "No." She replied and she swore his shoulders visibly relaxed. She looked down away from him. "They have asked me to though. They wish for me to join them in their new start; to live with Kanaan and raise our son."

"They still think you're together?" He asked.

She nodded, embarrassed at admitting how she had misled her people. She sighed and looked up at the trees towering over the spring, the firelight highlighting the branches, creating the feeling of a ceiling over them and the spring. "I was holding onto the life they wished for me, and some part of me did not want to disappoint them further by admitting it would not happen."

"Because you two aren't together any more?" He asked. She was surprised at his forthrightness, though she was pleased as well.

"Even if we were together I will not live that life they would like me to. I think I did not tell them because some part of me was holding onto that possible life, for perhaps it would be simpler, easier."

She felt his eyes on her as she shifted her gaze down from their canopy ceiling to the steam rising up from the spring. She followed the spring's flow, tracing the water's path away from its birth place out into the pool, flowing out into the darkness to meet the lake.

"What life do you want?" He asked through the thick stillness around them.

She frowned at that as she watched where the water disappeared out of the light from the campfire, into the unknown, the unseen and the imagined. It was a good question and she was surprised she had not asked it of herself yet.

"I would like to live a life of purpose, to be surrounded by those I loved and could care for. To be happy. To be free." She whispered. "To live a life in which I will not meet my end as everyone else in my family has before me." She swallowed, surprised at the emotion in her voice that had bubbled up so quickly.

"To a Wraith?" John asked softly.

She nodded blinking as she finally drew her distant unfocused gaze from the water.

"Is that why you stay in Atlantis?" John asked.

She looked round at him and was surprised to see the depth of emotion in his eyes as he watched her. She looked away to the fire, watching the flames jumping around the wood. "I used to stay because I believe you are all the best hope this galaxy has against the Wraith." She looked up from the flames with a smile. "Now I stay for my friendships, for the work we do and because Atlantis feels like my home now."

He smiled in return. The smile lit up his face and added a wonderful sparkle to his eyes. She looked away back to the spring. She knew that had John not accompanied his people to Atlantis that she would still have joined them, but she wondered if she would have stayed so long. She trusted him above all the others and when they had left for their own galaxy, it had been John who she had missed so much that her chest had physically ached. But, he did not want her that way. It was a pain she had set aside long ago, filled the hole with affection for another, but that had not worked. She looked out at the spring in which she and John had bathed. Her skin flushed with warmth at the knowledge that he swam naked in that water as she had done and at the memory of seeing him bare chested afterwards. Seeing Kanaan like that had never stolen her breath as seeing John had done.

She lifted the cold mug to her lips and finished off the last of her coffee, the cold liquid extra sweet at the bottom from the sugar. The air seemed intense around her, like it was filled with a potential she did not understand. She looked up at the trees directly overhead again and peered at the black clouds she could just about make out. The rain was still a light drizzle through the small gaps of leaves. She wondered if a storm was on the way. She returned her attention to the fire and when she felt brave enough back to John. He was sitting in the same position as before looking out at the spring.

He was from an entirely different galaxy. There were times when that fact hit her about those that she spent all her time with. They all, except for Ronon, had grown up in a culture so far removed from her own that it was fascinating. At first she had worried that it had been that fascination that had drawn her to John. But, over the years their friendship had deepened and she knew they were more alike than she had previously thought. Though he was emotionally very closed off, she knew him well enough now to know that he felt things very deeply, but he hid it. Over the years she had begun to be able to see under his mask sometimes and there had been times when he had let her in. And there were times when there was a softness to his eyes as he looked at her that made her heart race. But, those moments had been far less over this past year. He had been so angry with her when he had learnt she had concealed her pregnancy from him and the others. Once that anger had passed she had hoped he would return to how he was before, but it had never happened, until now. He still fascinated her she realised and it had nothing to do with his people or his home; it was simply him.

"What life do you want?" She asked him the question he had asked her.

He drew in a breath as he pondered that, looking down at his clasped hands. The pause went on longer than was comfortable and she began to wonder if he would not answer her. Though, she was leaning towards him once again in fascination that he might actually answer her.

"The same things I guess. A life of purpose, some peace as well though." He looked up from his close scrutiny of his hands back out to the darkness encircling them. "But, lately I've been thinking about maybe having more in my life." She watched his face intently as she worried what that might mean. Was he considering going back to Earth? Or a relationship with someone?

"Maybe I could have a family one day." His voice sounded so sad and hopefully doubtful that she bit her lip at the sympathy and need that welled up inside her. He should have that, he deserved to have that. He took another deep breath and as he let it out she saw the air mist slightly against the chilled evening despite the closeness of the fire.

He turned his gaze towards her then, his eyes meeting hers. "Maybe I could be with someone I love." He said softly.

She was surprised to hear him admit such emotion, but that did not stop her heart constricting for him and his wish. He held her gaze for a beat longer than she would have thought he would be comfortable with and he looked away suddenly. He cleared his throat loudly and sat back. She sat back as well knowing he was embarrassed at speaking openly and honestly. She struggled with what to say to make him feel at ease again, but her heart was racing at the knowledge that he might want a life of peace and love. Two things she had not thought he would wish for.

"Well, guess I've answered those little questions of life." He said with forced amusement. He reached down and picked up his P90 that had been resting near them and he stood up quickly. "I think I'm gonna go take one last look around before I turn in." He said looking away to the trees around them.

He was pulling his barriers back around himself, closing off again and she found she was desperate to stop it. She had seen the true side of John Sheppard and wanted to keep the connection they had just shared. She didn't want him disappearing behind his defences again; who knew how long it would be until he let her in again? "John." She tried.

"I just want to check out the perimeter again." He replied as he lifted the clip on the P90 to connect it to his closed vest.

She was up on her feet and reaching out, resting one hand on his stopping him from attaching the P90. "John, please..." She had no idea what to say, but she didn't want him to walk away from her into the dark trees alone. She heard the empty coffee mug hit the ground at her feet as she reached up and touched her other hand against his chest. Her palm landed on the cool tough protective material of his vest where the P90 would connect, but her fingers rested on the soft warm material of his shirt and jacket above.

He had been moving to turn away from her when she had touched him and he stopped now, looking round at her, frozen by her unusual touch. She could feel his body heat through his clothing, over his heart, burning into her chilled fingers. His eyes met hers looking shocked and confused. She had no idea what she had planned to say to him, how she had hoped to get him to stay and continue to offer his friendship and heart with her. She realised she was curling her fingers down over the neck of the vest now, literally holding onto him as if that would help somehow.

She lifted her eyes back up to his and met his darkened eyes again. And then he surprised her. He stepped forwards, right up into her personal space, standing over her and he looked down at her with a raw intense look that she had no chance of misreading. He wanted her.

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TBC


	5. Chapter 5

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The fire had flickered happily before him and her company had been a little too good, a little too relaxing. So when she had asked the same question as he had asked her earlier, eager for knowledge of her, he had thought about the question seriously. He had contemplated the fire's dancing flames and the hidden secret stirrings in his own heart. And he had told her the truth, revealing to himself as much to her what it was that lingered in that shadowed part of him that he called his 'dreamland' or perhaps his 'fantasy world'.

He wondered when it was that he had softened so much and what had caused it. Had it been his friendships in Atlantis? Finding people he truly cared for and for whom he worked to protect? Had it been seeing Teyla holding her newborn infant son? And then holding the tiny Torren himself as they escaped Michael's ship? Or had it been his father's funeral or reconnecting with his brother? He didn't really know and perhaps it wasn't that simple anyway. Hell, he hated the introspective stuff usually, but here, on this ritual with Teyla, he allowed himself to think about his 'dreamland' and he had told her what secret wishes lived within his heart.

He rarely ever used the word 'love'; it was overused back home in his opinion, and he had only used the word himself once or twice in his life. Yet his life now in Atlantis was the closest he had ever come to feeling emotions like that. He loved his job, the city and flying the Jumpers. He was surrounded by people he felt closer to than he ever had with others before. And Teyla; did he love her? He had told her he wanted to be with someone he loved, and he had looked at her and had allowed himself to wish, to dream again.

Quickly he had turned away, startled at his own emotions and with how close he had just come to telling her something he wasn't yet comfortable with himself. All he knew was that he needed some distance right then to get his head in order and another late night patrol would fit the bill.

She had clearly felt sorry for him as she tried to ask him to stay by the fire, but he stood up and turned his gaze out to the dark trees into which he wanted to slink away into and close up the silly parts of his soul that he had wandered into. She stood as well and he heard the pity and her urgency for him to stay, to share with her some more. Women always did that; wanted you to share everything, to talk about how you feel and relive traumas and such. He knew it had its value, of course it did, but he was very careful whom he shared with, and when. Though he had shared with her in the past, right now all he could hear in her voice and manner was the pity she felt for him.

He almost grunted in disgust as he lifted the P90 up to connect it to his vest. He was already feeling better, wrapped in his literal body armour and his weapon in his hands. He turned from her saying something dismissive when her hand fell over his stopping him from connecting the weapon to himself, and then her other hand had touched the top of his chest. He froze in place, shocked at the intimacy of the touch and that she would resort to touching him like that to make him stay. He looked back at her and saw the blatant need in her eyes, the want for him to stay and share so she could offer her comfort and support. She thought he was leaving because he felt sorry for himself. She couldn't be more wrong.

He tensed slightly readying himself to move away from her, when her fingers moved from his shirt to grasp the front of his vest; ready to literally hold him back from leaving. He was surprised at the boldness of her and at the flash of desire it brought out in him. That flash surged up into a new fire burning within him as he felt her hold on him tighten and suddenly he wanted her to know exactly why he wanted space from her. It wasn't from fear, or secrecy and he wasn't weak or in need of codling. What made him try to run was his desire for her. If she wanted him to stay and to share with her then he would share. He would show her what it was that he was really feeling.

So he let loose the tight reins inside that had kept him from making any kind of move on her before. He let that part of him loose, that part which thoroughly enjoyed the feel of her strength against him and that wanted to feel so much more from her. So he stepped up to her, towering tall over her and he looked down at her in the way he really wanted to. He looked at her as the gorgeous woman she was and he let all those dark thoughts born of lustful dreams and years of secret admiration loose. He allowed all of it out for a moment and he let her see it plainly.

He watched her intently and saw the changes in her expression, saw the shock that he had wanted to see. He wanted her to be shocked by him, to see him in a totally new light. As she let out a gasp of surprise, her lips parting with the soft feminine sound, he felt a burst of satisfaction. Then her hand had tightened even further on his vest and the tension of her body abruptly changed. He lifted his eyes up from her parted lips to her eyes and saw the change there, the darkness that said in no uncertain terms that she liked him looking at her that way. Now he was the one to be shocked and it snapped him partly from his former intense mood as he blinked down at her realising what her look really meant.

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Teyla had felt the massive change come over him as she had tried to stop him from leaving. He had stared at her for a moment and then he had abruptly stepped up close to her, right into her personal space. She had had to tilt her head back slightly to keep their eye contact and as she did she saw the look in his eyes clearly and felt the possessive male hunger radiate across the space between them. Her skin flushed instantly and she heard herself gasp as her lips parted. His eyes dropped from hers to her mouth and her heart thundered in her chest in response. She could hardly believe this was happening; that he was showing her this, that he wanted this. He was so close to her, his body strong, warm and so abruptly male in his intent that she found herself tightening her hold on his vest and leaning in towards him. His eyes slid back up to meet hers and she saw the flicker of what looked like surprise and then hesitation.

She lifted her other hand from where it had been frozen blocking him from lifting the P90 to the clip on his vest. Her palm felt instantly cold without his hand under it, but she reached out across the small distance between them and touched her hand against his upper arm, felt his heat through his jacket. She could feel the outline of his tensed arm from holding up the P90 still, and she saw the change in him immediately at her touch.

He dipped his right shoulder and she looked down to see that he was lowering the P90 down to the log which had been their seat by the fire. Excitement and anticipation made her even warmer as she looked back up to him, and she saw his eyes lift from her mouth again. His gaze was softer, but no less intense and now hopeful in a way that she knew mirrored her own.

She uncurled her fingers from around the neck of his vest and returned them to the soft material above through which she could feel the subtle expansion of his chest as he breathed in. That elemental movement linked with the warmth of his body through the material drew every aspect of her senses to the living strong man before her. And she wanted to feel more, so she slowly slid her hand higher to the collar of his jacket and her fingertips slid over his skin. She felt him breathe in deeply as their skin touched and she lifted her eyes back to his.

He stood upright from setting down the P90 and his hands touched against her elbows and then ran rather hesitantly up her upper arms. His touch was as light against her as the steam that lingered over the spring. She leant closer to him as she ran her fingers round the neckline of his jacket and shirt, his skin teasing her fingertips. Then his touch around her upper arms became firmer as he pulled her ever so gently towards him.

She couldn't hide her quick in breath of anticipation as she stepped across the last distance between them and watched as he lowered his mouth down towards hers and then all she was aware of were his lips brushing ever so lightly over hers. His lips were warm and soft as they caressed over hers and she opened her mouth immediately, drawing in the taste of him, breathing in his breath. His hands tightened around her arms and she pressed herself against the front of him, though the vest blocked the true feel of him from her. His hands slid round to her back and the heat of his arms, of his hands on her seemed to burn through her coat and clothing to her skin beneath.

Their lips hovered over each other's, waiting, as if in a state of limbo through which either could still step back and stop what was happening. She had no intention of stopping what she had wanted for such a very long time, but she held herself prepared that he might, even now, close down and step away from her. He dipped his mouth to touch hers again and relief blossomed through her chest as she returned the gentle press of lips to lips. He repeated the touch again, but this time with more pressure, nipping lightly at her lower lip and she caught his upper lip between hers. His tongue slid gently across her lower lip and she murmured at the warm wetness that pulled her into his kisses.

She slid her hand from his throat up around the back of his neck encouraging the kiss deeper and enjoying the feel of his skin. She heard him inhale as her fingers slid into his hair and his tongue touched her lips once again before his mouth pressed softly and slowly to hers, nudging her lips further apart. She willingly did so and his tongue finally slid into her mouth and she met the welcome invasion with her own, tasting and returning the passion as the kiss deepened into a slow lazy deep kiss that obliterated everything to her but his mouth against hers. His body against hers.

Through the blissful haze of passion she became aware of a discomfort; the contents of one of the pockets of his vest were digging into her front. She had not realised how tightly pressed together they were until she pulled her body back slightly from him, but she didn't break the rhythm of their kiss. She reached between them and pulled at the zipper that held his vest closed. The vest parted and she slid one hand between the two freed sides and pushed the vest away so she could press herself against him. John's hands that had been stroking her back slid away from her and she felt him roll his shoulders, which though feeling wonderful under her hands, also resulted in him shrugging out of the vest. He pulled from the kiss long enough to swing the vest down over the P90 on the log. His arms were back around her immediately and she moved to press back against him, though only then did she realise that her own thick coat was still blocking the proper contact she craved. She was about to protest or do something about it, she wasn't sure, but then John's hand was stroking up the back of her neck and she tilted her head back again to look up at him.

This time his look was different; his gaze was more satisfied and warm, but she also saw the caution there, the nervousness she also felt that one of them was going to end this even now. She laid her hands against his chest, but this time there was no thick vest blocking her touch and she enjoyed the heat and shape of him beneath the fabric. His eyes roamed over her face for a few seconds and she did the same to him, taking in the darkened shadow of his jaw and chin, the darkness of his long eyelashes in the firelight and the fullness of his lips. She lifted her gaze back up his and saw that his eyes were heavily hooded and that his attention was directed down towards her neck and the partly opened front of her coat. The heat she saw in his eyes then made her lean in tighter against him and he looked back up to her and a small appreciative smile danced over his lips. She licked her own buzzing lips, tasting him and the lingering touch of sweet coffee.

He drew in a full breath which flattened her breasts against his chest and pushed the buttons of her coat further into her. She twisted to relieve the pressure, but also to enjoy the sensation of him against her. He pulled back slightly though, just enough to reach between them and she felt his hand brush against her front, his fingers closing around the top button of her coat. She met his eyes and saw his questioning look. How she knew it she wasn't sure, but she knew that if one button was undone now this would not be stopping with just her coat being removed. She tightened her hands on him out of reflex as the long denied and long desired wish to lay with him powered into her, bringing with it a burst of arousal so strong that she was glad she was supported by his arm.

His fingers moved slightly over the top button again pulling her back into the silent question between them and she gazed up at him, uncaring if he could see the adoration and need in her now, for she very much wanted to feel John Sheppard against her, within her. She knew she was blushing profusely at her own internal thoughts, but then she could see that there was a definite flush to his cheeks as well. She had waited long enough.

She looked down to his chest and slid her hands to the top button of his jacket and she felt the change to his body against hers, swore she could feel the anticipation and arousal of his own in the air around them. She freed the tiny plastic button from its noose and moved down to the next as she looked up to him again from under her eyelashes. His expression was unmistakable as his fingers went to work on the buttons of her coat. The sensation of just the back of his fingers against the inner swells of her breasts, even through her coat, brought a storm of tingling through her that began to pulse along with her heartbeat in her chest, to her fingertips and between her legs.

She tilted her chin up towards him and he leant down and kissed her, his mouth hotter and hungrier this time. She met the heightened passion with her own. He had her coat open first and his hands slid within to settle on her hips and she sighed against his mouth. His hands clasped her hips briefly before they ran up her sides, slowly brushing along the sides of her breasts and then he was pushing the coat from her shoulders. She reluctantly stopped her work on his buttons to allow the coat to drop from her body, but she quickly returned to the last button and parted his jacket as his hands returned to her, sliding around her. She pushed his jacket away, flattening her palms over the toned flat muscles under the thin shirt beneath. He pulled back from kissing, but as he did she caught his lower lip in her teeth and let him go slowly. He rumbled a pleasurable sound in response as he lifted his head. She looked up at him as she rested herself against him and though there were still thin layers of clothing separating them she still moaned lightly at the feel of him against her and saw his eyes flare wider at the sensation.

He blinked down at her and she could tell he was trying to clear his head somewhat and she knew what he was going to say.

"Teyla," he started, his voice so deep and smooth as he said her name that she closed her eyes briefly at the feeling it provoked in her. She opened her eyes and blinked several times herself; she was getting very wrapped up in this. "You sure about this?" He whispered.

She licked over her lower lip, pulling it into her mouth briefly to enjoy his taste once again. "Yes, John." She whispered. "Are you?"

He didn't actually answer her directly, but instead caressed the back of his fingers up her cheek from her jaw to her cheekbone and down again and she rubbed her cheek against his touch and watched his focus narrow down to her lips again. His palm cupped her cheek and they were kissing again. Teyla met his tongue with hers this time, dancing together as his hands stroked up and down her back, until one dipped low enough to cup her backside. She breathed heavier around the kiss and had to break it as he pulled her hips to his and she felt the very physical sign that he wanted her pressed against her. She closed her eyes and dropped her head back as he nuzzled into her throat, his lips and tongue teasing her skin and she just clung to him as her body began to develop a will of its own; rubbing against him, her hands twisting in the back of his shirt and she pressed her own mouth to his throat and grazed her teeth against the ropey muscle under his skin. He grunted at that and abruptly dipped down, his arms sliding around her and then lifting her up.

She kept her tight hold on his shirt and enjoyed how he hefted her further up in his arms and then he was carrying her away from the fire towards his tent. Her body throbbed at the knowledge of what was really about to happen between them and she rested her mouth back against the side of his neck.

She opened her eyes and looked over his shoulder back towards the dying fire and the wisps of steam swirling up from the spring beyond and found herself smiling at the wonderful answer she had received to a question she only now realised she had travelled here to learn.

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John's body was burning and that was with layers of clothing separating Teyla's body from his. With a sense of deep satisfaction he reached his tent and as he set her feet back down to the ground, she slipped her arms from around his shoulders and crouched down at the entrance. He watched as she pulled back the flap to his tent that she was so willingly climbing into and she paused to look back up at him. Her eyes were pitch black in the duller light away from the fire, but her desire was clear. His groin throbbed with his pulse and he knew he needed to calm down enough to see this through and besides his military brain kicked back in enough as he watched her undoing her boots.

"I'll be right back." He said as he turned back towards the fire, checking that it wasn't going to collapse and set fire to their campsite; cause that would really ruin the moment. As he neared he noticed the flames were dying anyway and he realised that it was raining harder now, but he hadn't noticed. He collected up Teyla's coat from the ground, not wanting it to get wet and then his vest and P90. The fire hissed beside him as falling droplets hit it and he turned back to the tent to see Teyla disappearing into it. He hurried his steps back to her.

As he arrived she reached back out for their coats and the P90. He handed them over willingly and set his pleasure saturated brain on untying his bootlaces. He got them undone eventually more from rough pulling than from any kind of real coordination. He crouched down and made his way into the tent enough to sit down and pull off his boots. His trousers were uncomfortably tight around his groin as he sat and as he twisted to set his boots alongside hers at the entrance to the tent. He paused at the image of his and her boots beside each other, before he returned his attention to zipping the tent closed.

Teyla had hung her coat and his vest from the ceiling near the entrance and had found his blanket and was currently spreading it out across the floor of the tent. He flattened the corner nearest him and crawled onto it, his heart hammering as he took in the sight of Teyla readying a bed for them. His bag was at the far end, which he had been using as a rather uncomfortable pillow and he helped straighten another corner as he reached into his bag and pulled forward his toiletry bag in which were a couple of condoms, available to all personnel. After subtly checking they were in fact still in the small pocket of the bag he relaxed a little and finally settled down to sit next to Teyla.

"So, you like my place?" He asked, feeling suddenly a little awkward and fearful that somehow she might have changed her mind between the fireside and the tent.

She pretended to study the tent around them. "Very nice." She said with a smile as she looked back to him and she leant in towards him, her hand sliding over his closest knee. She hadn't changed her mind.

The slight amount of control and clear thinking he had gained from checking the fire and his bag went in the half second it took him to shuffle up against her and wrap his arms back around her. Her soft lips met his again, seeking and deepening in a way that told him how she burned for him as well. Though part of him was still sitting at the back of his mind completely shocked that she wanted him, the other louder more in control part was telling him to shut up and enjoy what was happening and to over think things later. So he surrendered to what he felt and what she wanted along with him, and she was currently pushing his jacket from his shoulders. He untangled his arms from his jacket and tossed it away somewhere and slid his hands back round her, testing the laces that held her top closed over her spine. He found the ties at the bottom of the fabric just above a strip of Teyla's skin exposed above her trouser's waist band. Distracted by the feel of the smooth skin of her lower back he rubbed both of his palms along the strip and she tested his lip with her teeth in response.

He returned his fingers quickly to the ties on the back of her top and somehow got them undone, but unwilling to unlace the whole thing he simple grasped each side and jerked the top apart, pulling the laces out from their holes and the top parted from around her. She chuckled breathily against his lips as she cupped his chin in her hand and kissed him delicately as he turned his attention to the unusual strapless bra she wore underneath. Fortunately it tied up at the back as well and he was immensely proud of himself that he got it undone with minimal fuss and she chuckled again at his "Yes."

She had her hands under the hem of his shirt and ran her hands up underneath, her fingers sliding up his stomach, until the material was bunched up under his arms. He tossed her bra somewhere in another direction to her top and began to pull off his own top hurriedly, and as he did she was already against him, her lips tracing down from one of his collarbones to a nipple. He hissed with pleasure as her mouth closed on that sensitive spot and his shirt disappeared to a far end of the tent as he slid his palms over her naked back as she kissed up his chest again to his throat. Her mouth was nicely wet and hot over his skin, but he gently pressed himself up against her, pushing her backwards down onto the blanket. She pulled her full lips from him and laid back under him and he pressed his chest to her breasts and kissed her, thoroughly enjoying the feel of her against him.

She shifted under him to find the most comfortable spot and he pulled up from the kiss to look down at her exposed chest for the first time. She wriggled again under his attention and his heard himself groan from the back of his throat at the sight. He settled his weight onto his hip to her side to free up his hands and she immediately fitting against him. He reached up and cupped her chin and kissed her again, slowly and thoroughly as he slid his fingers down under her chin, down her throat to the dip between her collarbones and then traced out over her shoulders. She was breathing heavily around their kiss now and he pulled back, settling on one elbow and he turned his attention to his fingers lingering back to that kissable dip at the base of her throat. So he leant down and slid his tongue into it and she undulated under him and moaned.

Pleased he lifted his head again and traced his fingers down her cleavage, before following them with his mouth; something he had dreamt of doing far too often before. Her fingers slid into his hair, massaging his scalp gently, but then tightening her grip as he took one of her nipples into his mouth. The gasp she emitted created a chain reaction through his body down through his spine and round to his groin and he groaned as he slid his mouth to her other breast. He lavished attention to her chest until her tight hold on his hair and her caressing hands over his shoulders and arms reminded him there was a lot more of her to enjoy. He ran his lips back up to her mouth, as he caressing down her side and hip.

Her kiss was very demanding this time and he ever so willingly gave her what she wanted, but controlled it enough till she playfully nipped his lower lip and he chuckled against her. She thrust her tongue in his mouth then and he forgot what it was that was amusing. Her arms encircled his neck and shoulders tighter, pulling him further over her. He pressed his upper chest over hers and kissed her so deeply that he was panting himself.

She whimpered and jerked slightly from him and he lifted up from the kiss aware that something was wrong. She reached between them to her hip and he looked down to see that his belt buckle had been digging into her. He slid his hand down to the wounded skin as an apology and he looked up to say he was sorry, but then her hands were pulling open his buckle and the button and fly of his trousers. He had to close his eyes at the feel of that. He heard her breathy laugh at that and he opened his eyes to glare down at her, but she had her lower lip between her teeth and her eyes told him what she had planned next. Sure enough her hands slid into his boxers, her fingers surrounding him and he had to look away from her to the far end of the tent as he tried to keep his body under control. She took pity on him then for she released him and though kind of relieved he almost asked her to continue. Her hands were now pulling his boxers and trousers from his hips. He pulled away from over her to take over and he stripped himself.

"From my bag. I'm gonna need the small toiletry bag." He said his voice gravelly and deep as he roughly pulled off his clothes. That done he rolled back beside Teyla, to see she was stretching up to the backpack and pulling out his toiletry bag. He ran his hand down the sensuous twisting shape of her, over her breasts to her waist. He met the waist band of her trousers and headed over to the buttons closing them around her full womanly hips. She settled back onto her back and he looked up to see she had opened the small bag and placed it nearby. He had the odd disquieting thought at whether she had been using Earth contraception with Kanaan. He was fortunately snapped out of following that line of thought as her hands were back caressing over his sides and up his neck.

He went to her as she wanted and kissed her, but kept his hand on her trousers, undoing the buttons there and finally they parted and he ended the kiss to look back down at her. She was already sliding her hands down her hips, shimmying out of her tight cut trousers. He took over once the material was over the wide part of her hips and he caught the waist band of both her trousers and her underwear beneath and pulled them down revealing her beautiful toned legs in the dim light of the tent. He let go of the material at her knees so he could pull one leg free at a time. He stroked his hand down the length of her thighs, round to the sensitive dip behind each knee and then down her calf until finally her legs were free. He reached down the final distance to pull her feet free of her socks. As he bared her last foot he ran his fingers up her insole and felt her twitch and her toes curled up in his hand.

He looked up at the length of her body and smiled at his newly discovered secret. "Ticklish?" He asked with a teasing smile.

She gave him a look that was part amusement and part warning. He sat back up, but he kept his hand on her foot and trailed one finger against her sole. She let out an unrestrained twitch and a cut off giggle, which she quickly turned into a grumpy sound. Amused he leant down and kissed her closest knee. As he did his dog tags fell forward, landing lightly on her upper thigh and then the heavy tags slid down her inner thigh. He tightened his hold on her foot again as he followed up her inner thigh with his gaze to the dark hair between her legs. He apparently tickled her foot again as she sat up enough that her hand slid into view and he watched her hands encircle the dog tags chain and she pulled him back up towards her.

He smiled as he released her foot and crawled up over her entirely naked body. He took his time and took in all of the view as he did, until finally he reached her mouth and she pulled him down to her by the chain. He happily met her lips and finally their naked bodies were pressed together. Once he pulled back from the kiss he settled back down on his hip at her side, took the time to pull off his dog tags and tossed them over to the toiletry bag and then his attention went back to exploring the newly exposed Teyla. He slid his hand down her front again, down her cleavage to her belly button and he circled his fingers around it. She tensed slightly then and he looked up curious. She smiled self consciously and he lifted a questioning eyebrow. Her hand joined his covering the slightly fuller area of her stomach. Then he understood; she was worried about baby fat. He leant down and kissed her belly, pushing her hand gently out the way and instead it slid into his hair. He looked down at the tiny swell that suggested she had had a baby and was struck by the fact that he found it immeasurably sexy. He would have thought he would be thinking about the fact that she had had another man's son, but it wasn't an issue, instead it appealed to him on a very basic level.

He circled her belly with his fingers once more and then slid them down to cup her gently between her legs. She moaned as he rubbed his fingers over her and he almost groaned himself at the feel of her and the knowledge that she seemed more than ready for him. He tested deeper as he watched her face, saw the extra flush to her cheeks and watched her hands clench against the blanket beneath them. She moaned his name then and he had very little control left at this point. He reached over her towards the toiletry bag, pulled out what he needed and leant over to kiss her panting lips. She licked and nipped at his lips as he slid on the condom and returned his fingers to her willing warmth. She gasped against his mouth as he nudged at her closest leg with his free hand and with some quick shuffling around he knelt up over her between her legs. She was panting as he crawled up her and pushed slowly into her. It took no time, her flesh parting for him, hugging his invasion until he was embedded into her as deep as possible, and he settled down on his forearms over her.

Her nails bit into the back of his shoulders as he leant down and kissed her throat as he flexed his hips. She groaned, her face turned away, her eyes closed and her legs came up around his hips. He pulled partly out of her and re-entered her warmth and she arched under him as she moaned out his name. He lifted back up onto his elbows and watched her as he slowly thrust into her again.

"Teyla." He called, needing her gaze. She blinked open her eyes and looked up at him her eyes hooded with pleasure. He pulled out and then pushed slowly back into her again, the tight squeeze of her sending tingling waves of pleasure up his back and testing his control to near breaking point. He held her eyes with his, as they watched each other.

Her hands caressed up his neck and then her fingers slid down along both sides of his jaw. Her hands met at his chin and her eyes dropped to his mouth as she slid one of her thumbs over his lips. He parted them and licked out to taste the pad of her thumb, enjoying the way her eyes locked onto the touch. She slid her thumb between his teeth and he bit down very gently. She moaned out of her open mouth as he thrust into her and mimicked the action with his tongue along her thumb. She began to move with him, her legs tightening around his hips. Her thumb dropped from his mouth and her hands returned to his back and sides, caressing and scraping gently at his skin, her passion rising.

Sensual pressure was building in his lower back, his body growing more demanding and she began to tighten further around him. He could feel the sweat over his skin as he worked to hold on a little longer as he sped up his thrusts and his eyes pouring over her body. She was practically chanting his name now and he settled himself down over her and nuzzled into her neck, grazing his teeth over skin. Her hand tightened in his hair and he heard the change in her voice.

He thrust in deep and rocked against her, rubbing against her mound. She gasped at that and he repeated it until he found just the right angle that made her bury her nose into his skin and her nails dig into his back sharply. He repeated the rocking motion and the pleasure almost made him come himself, but it was just right for her and she clutched hold of him, her arms and legs wrapping around him as she cried out with her release. The brief moment of pride at pushing her to that point was quickly washed over by the tightening in his back and his groin and he knew he was close to losing his control. She relaxed under him, but she didn't let go of him, keeping her arms around him, holding them together, but then she pushed up suddenly, rolling them.

He rolled onto his back, his hands locked around her hips, holding their bodies together. She sat up over him, a satisfied smile on her lips, and she rocked her hips and he dropped his head back with a loud groan at the sensation. She repeated the action, grinding over him and he looked up to the glorious sight of her leaning down over him, kissing his chest as she rocked again. He gripped her hips pulling her up enough to thrust up into her several quick times and then she slammed down over him and rocked again and his orgasm hit with full force.

He dug his fingers into the flesh of her thighs and thrust up as best he could and stared up at her. She held his gaze until she rocked again and her head fell back with a cry, her hands clutching at his chest and her legs tight around his hips. John's blissful release crested and he gasped out her name again as his body finally relaxed with a rush. Teyla fell down over him, her body as sated as his and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her to him as he lay panting loudly along with her.

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TBC


	6. Chapter 6

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A large droplet of rain splattered down over the tent and the sound woke Teyla abruptly. She resisted waking completely though, instead remaining still and sleepy for she was far too comfortable to move. So she kept her eyes closed though aware now of the distant pitter-patter of rain outside. The sound was almost as soporific as the steady breathing and heart beat beneath her ear. John.

The memories returned gently and with them the awareness of the deep satisfied feeling throughout her body. She smiled and sighed happily, enjoying the warmth and relaxation. Her mattress moved though and she remembered that she was lying over John, and she could feel the gentle weight of the blanket wrapped up over her from one side. She opened her eyes finally realising she had fallen asleep, or perhaps passed out, after their love making, she couldn't be sure. She lifted up slightly from him, aware that his arms were around her and that their skin was sticking together from being sweaty and pressed together for so long. She brushed her hair out of her face and looked down at him. He blinked his eyes open slowly and she was relieved to see that he had been fast asleep as well. He gave a sleepy smile and closed his eyes again, but his hands began to stroke over her back.

She tried to sit up some more, but discovered she was literally sprawled over him and her limbs were feeling uncooperative. After some shifting around which resulted in some grumbled complaints from the half asleep John who apparently had been enjoying her as his blanket. She managed to slide down from him onto her side beside him. He grumbled again and rolled towards her some more and she resettled herself against him. She really needed to go clean herself up, but his body was warm and felt so good against her that she snuggled back up to his warmth again. His heart beat steadily in his chest and she closed her eyes to listen to it. When she shifted her legs against him to get more comfortable she heard his heart rate jump slightly and she smiled as one of his hands slid down to lazily caress her hip and thigh.

It had been a wonderful joining between them, her body buzzing, contented and her mind still and peaceful. Yet, her heart quivered in her chest. She opened her eyes and blinked out past John's lightly haired chest and looked at the dark wall of the tent. For her this had been something she had wanted for so long that the satisfied female within her could not help smiling against his skin. He perhaps felt that as his caressing of her hip, which had slowed as he drifted back into sleep, once again began softly circling over her skin. He clearly desired her and had shown her just how much and she felt a renewed flush to her skin at the flashes of memory of his eyes, of his touch, of the feel of him inside her. Her body began to hum again. Yet, she found herself wondering if it had meant as much to him as it had to her. Had this been a sudden spontaneous act for him? Her instincts told her that his response to her had come from something much deeper, but she couldn't be sure until they talked about what had happened.

His fingers had stopped stroking over her hip and his breathing had deepened once more, signally that he was asleep again. With a smile she moved gently away from him sitting up carefully, the blanket dropping away from her back. John mumbled something as his arms parted enough for her to sit up fully.

"I'll be back in a minute." She said softly, laying her hand against his chest. His eyes flickered open slightly. "I just need to clean up." He made another sound that rumbled in his chest that could have been an affirmation as she stroked her hand lightly over his chest tempted to just remain here. She needed a little space though, to reflect on what had happened and to reorder her thoughts a little.

Sitting up fully she looked around her for something to put on whilst she went outside, but then remembered where they were; no one would see her. So she crawled away from John's side, pausing to drape the blanket back over his sleeping form. She opened the tent flap and leant out into the cool night air. The rain was falling harder over the canopy above, but the natural ceiling over the campsite was keeping out all but the occasional large droplet. So she stepped up and out into the night air.

She drew in the strong scent of rain, damp bark and the faint traces of wood smoke. A cool breeze stirred the tree tops above her, but otherwise the night was surprisingly warm. Confidently she walked out through the small campsite towards the spring; she would wash herself quickly and perhaps take some moments to reflect on what had happened. She passed the glowing embers of what had been their fire. A rain droplet hit the logs and she heard a slight hiss and the scent of the wood increased briefly.

She reached the spring and stepped into the shallow water near its bubbling source. Crouching down she dipped her hands into the water. As before it was unexpectedly warm and against the night air it felt even warmer, so she relaxed her hands deeper absorbing the heat into her fingers. Wisps of steam glided up over the spring's pool and the occasion drop of rain hit the gentle flowing surface creating contrasting ripples. Teyla watched the water and felt the desire to swim in it once again. She had dried her towel by the fire during dinner and it was still stowed away in her bag; she could have another swim.

Following the temptation she stood and began to wade down into the water, following the flow out into the pool. The water inched up her legs and around her knees, the warmth infusing into her with each step. Steam rose around her, warmer again than the air and under her feet the clay bottom turned to smooth stones as she finally sank down into the hot water up to her neck. She sighed in a rush, her breath parting the steam around her. The heat was magnificent and penetrated deeply into her and she became aware of the enjoyable ache in her body from the lovemaking. She swam out slightly until her toes could no longer touch the floor of the pool and she paused looking out at where the pool joined the lake in the distance. Silently she watched the water flowing off to where it would mix and merge into the lake that stretched far beyond.

She sensed his presence without hearing a sound and looked over her shoulder to see him walking through the campsite towards the spring. Turning round in the water, sweeping her arms around her creating warm waves over her shoulders, she watched as John approached.

He walked through the moonlight, entirely naked and wide awake once again. She watched the naked length of his body, enjoying the sensual male grace with which he moved; seeing the power of his toned slim body clearly for the first time. Captivated she could do nothing but watch as he arrived by the spring and to her delight began to wade in towards her.

"Ah, skinny dipping." He said with a wide smile as he walked into the steamy water.

"Yes, skinny dipping." She replied smiling widely as she watched his thighs begin to disappear under the water.

He lifted a surprised eyebrow. "You know that Earth term?" His smile was open and honest, and she could see the relaxation and satisfaction behind it.

She remained where she was in the pool, kicking gently with her feet to stay stationary. "Yes, Lieutenant McKenzie and Captain Medd were caught skinny dipping only last month off the east pier."

He was waist deep in the water now, but paused, clearly surprised. "What? I didn't hear about this."

"They were both very embarrassed and asked Mr Woolsey for his discretion on the matter."

John frowned as he began wading into the water again. "How come you know then?"

"I was with Mr Woolsey when we came across them." She said with a smile, remembering the startled embarrassed looks on the couple's faces and the even brighter red face of Mr Woolsey.

"And what _exactly_ were you doing on a pier at night with Mr Woolsey?" He asked with an amused look. She liked the touch of playful jealousy in his voice.

"I was walking Torren to sleep when I came across Mr Woolsey pacing the corridors of the central tower. He had been unable to sleep, worrying over his IOA review."

"So you walked him to sleep as well." He said with a smile as he looked around the spring lit by the moonlight, the rain pattering lightly through the trees around them. "Have to say I like where you walk me." He looked back down at her with another smile, but this one was wider and his eyes slipped down her throat. He had almost reached her and though he could clearly still stand he dipped down into the water fully and she saw the look of enjoyment cross his face as the warm water embraced him.

She smiled at him so close, feeling his intent to touch her, so she swept her arms and pushed herself through the water away from him. "As I recall you followed me here."

He smiled at her playfulness and pushed himself through the water drifting forward but not directly towards her. "That I did." He uttered as his eyes lingering over her shoulders as she swept her arms through the water again to swim backwards again.

He swam forward alongside her rolling onto his side through the water. "Ah, you gotta love skinny dipping." He said with a sigh. Then he chuckled. "McKenzie."

They both glided through the water through the pool, past the steps they had used earlier for the ritual. Pausing in the water she turned to him, treading water as she tried to glare at him. "You must not say anything to them. No one else knows."

"Me?" He asked innocently, pointing at his chest as he drifted through the water around her. "I would never use such personal information to mock or tease a good friend of mine."

"John." She warned trying not to laugh as it would only encourage him.

He lifted his eyebrows. "I won't say a thing." But he was smiling wickedly.

She knew what he would do; drop teasing hints to wind his friend up. "John, if you say something they will know it was me who told you."

He stopped his drifting, turning directly towards her, treading water as she was. "Woolsey could have let it slip." He suggested with a smile.

"Mr Woolsey would never say anything."

"He'd probably be too embarrassed to say anything." John said with a chuckle, as with a slow easy stroke he moved closer to her.

She had to chuckle herself them at her memory of the poor embarrassed Woolsey. "He was a little shocked." She told him.

"I bet he was." John replied, clearly thoroughly enjoying the thought of their leader so embarrassed. With one more stroke through the water he was within reach of her and this time she let him move close. She could see the sparkle in his eyes through the moonlight, the steam drifting around them.

She let her eyes slide down to the tops of his shoulders above the water as he moved in right close to her and one of his hands slid around her side to her back. She looked up at his dark dilated eyes as she moved closer to him, drawn in by the feel of his touch and his enticing smile. Her body came up against his through the water, his arm sliding further around her back, pulling her tighter to him, his arm thick with warm muscles holding her securely. She stopped keeping herself afloat in the water, allowing him to hold her steady, and slid her arms around his shoulders as their mouths met.

His kiss was as wonderful as she remembered, but now it was different with their new knowledge of each other and now the spontaneous raw passion of earlier was past and now they kissed with clear minds and wide smiles. She pulled back from his lips as he swept his free hand through the water stopping them from drifting, or sinking. She smiled along with him as they held on to each other with one arm and used the other to steady them in the water.

"Over here." He turned slightly, pulling her gently with him towards the closest bank. She swam along with him until she felt him find the pool's floor with his feet and suddenly they were more stable in the water. However she was nowhere near close to being able to stand, so she wrapped her arms around him further and entwined one of her legs around one of his for support; which had probably been part of his plan. His hands stroked up and down her back as he kissed her again. This kiss was slow and sexy and she practically melted against him in response. The air was humid with earthy tasting steam, the water hot and their bodies swayed slightly together with the flow of the spring around them. However this was not the place to begin heading so quickly back into that intensity, so she pulled back from him slowly. He cleared his throat once they parted and she opened her eyes slowly to see him blinking his to break himself out of the same mood she had slipped into. It made her feel even better about it. They had some serious chemistry together.

One of his hands lifted up to stroke through her hair and she tilted her head against the touch, enjoying this new discovery of an affectionate John. Warm droplets dripped down her neck and his hand followed, stroking down the back of her neck to her shoulders.

"So where's this skinny dipping place off the east pier then?" He asked.

She traced her fingers along the strong lines of his throat and shoulders visible above the water. "I will tell you if you promise me you will not say anything about McKenzie and Medd."

He pulled an overly thoughtful expression as he looked up to the dark clouds above. "Nope. No deal." He replied, his fingers sliding through her hair again. She tried once again not to show her amusement, for she was growing concerned that she might upset Atlantis' night swimming couple. "Doesn't matter anyway." He continued. "I bet its real cold there off the pier. Not like this place." He added.

She returned the satisfied smile that lingered over his handsome features. "True." She pressed herself up against him again and brushed her lips against his, enjoying his murmur of pleasure. She pulled back to find his eyes down over her shoulders, breasts and her throat. She watched his appreciative look and sighed with her own pleasure. He lifted his eyes in response, the hooded look lessening. The mood shifted then towards where it perhaps should go, but it made her slightly nervous, though she could see some of that caution mirrored in his eyes. It eased her somewhat to know that he wanted this discussion as well, even now late at night in the water, and it was clear he wasn't too sure how to start the conversation. Neither was she. She was usually confident enough to discuss anything, but the idea of him turning tonight into a one time event that had been born from nothing more than a spontaneous happenstance was worrying her.

She settled against him more comfortably, settling one arm over his shoulder and steadied herself with her other hand against his chest. He shifted as well so he could support her with one arm whilst the other hand went back to stroking her skin, now lingering up and down her side. His touch felt more affectionate now rather than seductive. Silence lingered between them, but through it they kept touching each other's skin. She didn't want him to be forced into this conversation so she decided to redirect them onto something else.

"You have already planned how to tease McKenzie, haven't you?" She said.

He sniggered, the mood abruptly changing. "No." But, he wasn't that convincing.

She shook her head at him as she smiled. "They will know I was the one who told you."

"They won't blame you. It's an unwritten rule; couples share secrets. And they were certainly happy to share with the city that night." He added.

She couldn't help her laughter which clearly pleased him. "Someone could say the same about us right now."

His eyebrows lifted and his hands drifted down her body. "True."

"So, we are a couple?" She asked, her heart still skipping beats from his casual comment. She tried to make her voice as teasing as possible, but she couldn't hide the enormity of what he had said from her voice.

"You don't want to be?" He asked. His hands paused over her skin, his eyes locking onto hers.

She tried to control the thrill that glittered through her as she worked to try and say the right thing. "I wasn't sure you would want to be, that you might need to think about it for awhile; after all this happened rather suddenly."

He became suddenly very still, and she looked to his eyes seeing he was now very serious and holding himself slightly tense against her. "Did it?"

Her heart hammered in her chest again as she looked from one of his eyes to the other, understanding what he was saying and what it implied. In her mind what had happened between them was a culmination of years of affection, desire and longing. For her this had not been a sudden event born from nothing but circumstances. He was saying the same. Abruptly she found herself remembering all those times he had looked at her with soft eyes and her skin had flushed. All the times they had gently laughed together and she had tried not to misread it as flirting. Those times they had shared moments in life and death situations in which she felt that pull to him, that care that went far beyond what it should between mere colleagues or even friends.

With a wave of relief she knew now those moments had existed as she had thought; they had been flirting with each other. Those moments of connection had been mutual and this was something he had wanted for some time as well.

"No." She admitted with a soft smile and settled her hand over the centre of his chest.

He let out a breath at that and she felt the prior tension of his body relax away. His hand caught around the back of her neck again and she leant in to kiss his tempting lips.

He released a heavy relieved sigh as they parted. "For a minute there I thought it was just me all these years."

She smiled playfully as she settled back into the semi circle of his arm around her. "All these years?"

He looked away trying to appear casual as he smiled. "I don't really remember how many…"

She chuckled, feeling rather lightheaded with the thrill that he had been feeling the same all this time. "You do not?"

"I'm a busy man…" He performed a half shrug with the shoulder that she wasn't draped against.

She dropped her gaze to where her fingers were gliding over the top of his toned chest as she laughed gently. She looked up to see him smiling at her.

"How long is it we've known each other?" He asked.

She smiled at him. "That long?"

"Maybe." He replied as he turned them through the water, and she tightened her hold on him to steady herself as she smiled at him delighted.

Above them the clouds rumbled and he held still as he looked up at the dark clouds just visible through the canopy overhead. "That may be our cue to go back in." He said.

Teyla kept her eyes on him though and as he looked back down at her, she stroked her fingers down one of his cheeks, the light stubble tickling her. "It has been that long for me as well. You caught my attention from that first moment."

He lifted an eyebrow and slid both his hands to her waist gently pulling to her round to press fully up against his front. "Was it the Ferris Wheel comment?" He asked.

She didn't have time to laugh at his words for his body was against hers, his arousal pressing against her belly and she could do nothing but kiss him. The passion was back in the kiss now, igniting the fire in her again and she relaxed herself completely against him, trusting him to support her through the water. Above them the clouds thundered again and the rain began to fall faster, the tapping patter through the trees around the pool increasing in frequency and volume.

"I think that may be our cue." She whispered as their mouth parted.

He nodded as he licked his lips, his eyes dark and full of new hunger. She liked this new side of him; playful one moment and full of male intensity the next.

"I wouldn't want anything to prune up anyway." He replied.

She sniggered as his arms loosened from around her and she pushed away from him, turning herself through the warm water to swim back towards the spring. With lazy easy strokes he swam up beside her and they made their way silently through the water. She listened to the rush of sound of the falling rain; saw the drops falling from between the branches overhead impacting the water around them. This would be her last time in the pool and she closed her eyes as she kicked forward and then rolled slowly over onto her back, enjoying the comforting feel of the water over her. They both ignored the steps out of the pool and swam on to the spring the way they had entered.

They reached it quickly enough and John held back as she found her footing at the bottom and walked up through the water back up and out of its hot embrace. Standing up waist deep she made her way towards the spring. The air was chilled over her breasts and shoulders compared to the heat of the pool. The steam had lessened here, the thin cloud hanging over the water parting as she stepped through it.

John's hand brushed against her lower back and she paused to turn to him. He stood up from the water, tiny rivers running down the planes of his chest and stomach. His hand slid up her back, lingering in a way that made her turn completely towards him as he stepped up to her. His other hand glided around her hip and he pulled her against him. His mouth was hotter than the water and his desire was plain, if not from his body, but from the way he tilted her head back and kissed her so thoroughly that the cool night air was long forgotten. His fingers slid between her legs and she murmured around his demanding kiss, eager to return his passion, but his touch was so electrifying that she had to finally break her mouth away from his. She closed her eyes tight, breathing heavily at the sensation of his fingers at her core.

In his arms she rested her head back and allowed him to turn them through the waist deep water, and then the clay bank was against the backs of her legs. She opened her eyes enough to settle herself up the bank some more, out of the water, laying her back down on the comfortable grass at his gentle insistence. His heat pulled back from over her and she looked up as he pressed his lips to her middle, then above her bellybutton. She parted her legs around him further as he hovered over her and she saw him look up at her as he kissed below her bellybutton, then drifting lower still. His eyes held the sensual promise, his arousal and his question that what he was planning was alright. With a loud sigh she dropped her head back to the grass and slid her hands into his hair.

His mouth touched between her legs and she gasped, clutching at his hair. Her eyes tightly shut she lost herself in the sensation of his mouth, his hands on her hips and stroking her thighs. Pleasure so intense she let herself groan as loudly as her body wished, twisting slightly in his hold.

A drop of water hit her shoulder and she opened her eyes to look up at the branches overhead, saw the water shaking the leaves above as the rainstorm continued above the forest. Like the trees dancing in the breeze and impacted by the rain her body danced faster and faster, the pleasure building at his careful thorough touch. Gasping and moaning she looked down at him, her hands caressing through his hair, tightening occasionally as a spike of pleasure hit her. Then it was all a loud rush of emotion and need. The wave crested and she cried out with release, her body constricting around the intense sensations and spasms of bliss. She rocked her head back against the grass and moaned through it, gasping for breath, arching her body and calling his name.

Then everything relaxed and calmed, and she dropped her body to the grass and allowed the cloud of warm pleasure to seep through her. With a sigh she loosened her death grip on John and opened her eyes as much as she could through the weight of her relaxation. John kissed her hip as he looked up at her, his eyes bright and his fingers still touching her gently, probing her. She smiled at him as she let her eyes close again. He kissed her hip again.

"Be right back." He whispered. She was too blissed out to say anything and just listened to the sound of him leaving the water of the spring and moving away. She relaxed one leg that had been bent and dropped it down to the back and felt the water around her calves; she hadn't realised that John had still been mostly in the water. The clay bank was a slick warm giving pressure under her legs, whilst the grass under her back was cool and supportive.

She heard him splash back into the water and she opened her eyes as he reached her leaning up over her onto the edge of the bank. He crawled further up to cover all of her and leant his weight on one forearm which he slid under her neck. She settled within his embrace, reaching for him as his mouth came down over hers. The kiss was deeply penetrative and she groaned around it and at the feel of his fingers on her again, parting her and he pushed the head of his arousal into her.

Her relaxation transmuted into arousal immediately and she slid her hands around him, feeling the tension of his back and hips. He thrust fully into her and she moaned as she rocked with him. The clay bank under her legs slipped slightly under her stopping her from moving as she wanted and she felt him tense over her. Then he lifted from her, wrapped his other arm under her back and he lifted her settling her slightly further up the bank so there was mostly grass under her and then he was back pressed over her.

She had enjoyed the show of strength and now wriggled against him, finding a new place on the damp grass. He thrust into her again and she sighed as she looked up at him. He was very close to breaking point she could tell; his eyes hooded and glazed in a way she hadn't been able to see in the darkness of the tent previously. She slid her hands over his sides and back, enjoying the feel of shifting muscles, the remaining warm water over his skin mixing with his sweat as he found pleasure with her. She watched the moonlight sliding shadows over him as they moved together, the sight arousing her further. She ran her fingers down the line of his spine, down to his lower back, caressing the dip there and then down to his backside.

"Teyla." He gasped into her throat and she dug her nails into his backside. He drove deeper into her rocking against her drawing a loud groan from her throat and she pulled against his hips tighter, as if she could force their bodies to merge somehow. "God, yes." He muttered against her skin as he kissed her throat.

She closed her eyes tightly at the blossom of pleasure in her belly as he rocked into her again. "John." She clawed at his sides as she waited, panting, for everything to split apart again.

"You feel so good." He gasped against her throat, nuzzling up to her ear and breathing heavily against her.

"So good." She panted. "So good." He groaned as he kissed his way across her cheek to her mouth, his forearms outlining her head now and he rocked harder against her, lifting her backside up slightly from the grass. She gasped up at him, her eyes meeting his through the moonlight. "Yes." She exclaimed as her body tightened again and she lost herself on the high rushing through her. But, this time she kept her eyes on him as best as she could; saw him tense as he pounded solidly into her and his body locked into a shudder. She tightened her arms and legs around him, absorbing the straining strength of him as he released into her, enjoyed the thrusts that drew out his tension, his hands tight in her hair, and with one last gasp he relaxed down over her.

With a heavy sigh she dropped her head back and rested her cheek against his head burrowed into her throat. Sighing with her panting breaths she slid her hands up and down his back, feeling the slight shake to his body as his muscles recovered slowly. Her own legs were weak so she hooked her knees over his hips so she didn't have to hold them up much longer. One of his hands dropped down to slide over one of her thighs and he sighed against her neck.

"If I'd know how amazing this was gonna be with you, I would have found the courage to make a move years ago." He muttered against her as his fingers caressed her hip.

She let out a breathy laugh. "At least we know now." She replied as she swept one hand up the back of his neck into his hair, massaging along the way. Feeling especially affectionate for him she turned and placed a kiss to his temple, drawing in his scent. He nuzzled against her in return before he lifted up from her. She grumbled at the loss of him and reluctantly loosened her legs from around his hips so he could move. He chuckled at her as he pulled from her body and she saw him pull away the condom before he settled back down beside her.

She became aware of a stone that had been digging into the back of her shoulder. Shifting she reached under herself and pulled the tiny smooth peddle from the grass and tossed it aside, before looking over at John beside her. One of his hands lingered over her belly, caressing in small circles from her ribs to her hips. She closed her eyes and enjoyed his touch and the tingling recovery of her body that left her wanting to sleep again.

"Let's go back inside." John whispered by her ear.

She opened her eyes and rolled her head to the side to look at him and smiled. He sat up and she watched as he stood. She made sure he saw her appreciative look before she sat up herself, brushing grass from her shoulders and then took his offered hand and stood up. He helped brush further grass from her back and to wash away some clay from her legs and backside, and he took a lot longer than was necessary. She laughed as he swept his hand down her backside again.

"Just making sure." He replied.

She stepped away from him, heading back towards the campsite. Her bag was still under the protection of a large old tree and she opened it to pull out her dried towel. She wiped herself dry as John pulled his own towel out from the tent. The towels were too small really, but they had mostly dried off from their time on the bank. John made sure her backside was nice and dry for her.

Together then they climbed back into the tent, pulled on a few small items of clothing to keep them warm through the night, but not too much so to lose skin contact. She had brought her Athosian blanket into the tent as well so they laid down on John's blanket and covered them with hers. So it was wrapped up like that she settled into John's embrace to sleep.

His hand stroked over her hair down to her shoulder for awhile, his lips against her temple and outside the rain pitter-pattered down. Surrounded by such comfort, her body fully satisfied she let herself fall into the deep restful sleep that came from soul searching and its wonderful unexpected discoveries.

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TBC


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry this took some time getting posted - Had a secret santa fic to write and life was pretty full of work, tax returns and preparing for christmas. But, finally part 7 is here. Hope you enjoy it.

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The rain had passed by morning, though a strong breeze still casted over the lake, creating ripples of tiny waves across the lake's flat surface. John watched the wind playing over the water as he walked along the edge of the beach. Teyla walked a short distance in front, retracing her steps that she had walked on that first evening when they had arrived at the lake. Then she had walked almost dreamily along the shore to the spring, the warm water of the lake lapping around her bare ankles, her boots in one hand and she had been a picture of beauty walking with the sun setting behind her. This morning she did not walk in the water, instead she followed along the edge of the water, the windswept surface creating a slight surf which occasionally lapped up to reach her boots as she passed by. Her hands were deeply buried in her coat's pockets and her hood was up against the slightly chilled wind. Her whole manner was different, in strange reflection of the changing weather over these past days.

He kept his distance as he had before, allowing her the space she needed to complete her ritual. He could tell from the angle of her shoulders and the way she walked that she was dwelling on something. A part of him wanted to be walking beside her, especially now things had changed so much between them. But, he was also aware that perhaps that part of him was not really looking to comfort her, but looking for reassurance for himself in their new relationship.

John had woken this morning to the scent of Athosian incense caught up in the blanket draped over them both. He had slowly opened his eyes to the early morning light filtering in through the tent and had become aware of the cold stiffness of his back; the cold ground having penetrating through to him from a night spent sleeping on the ground. Shifting slowly he had managed to lift his head and roll his shoulders to ease the ache and decided he had had enough of camping now. He wanted a nice soft warm bed under him tonight. That had brought back the memories from last night and he had looked over to see Teyla sleeping curled up on her side away from him. Surprise and amazement returned from last night. He had almost believed that last night had been a dream, so ethereal had it seemed at times.

He remembered waking after she had left the tent and following her out into the night, naked as the day he was born. She had been standing hip deep in the spring's pool, the steam creating a gently caressing cloud around her and he had stood in awe watching her. Slowly she had moved further into the water, until with a rush she slipped herself down into the warm water up to her pretty neck. He had joined her then, wading into the steamy moonlit spring, wondering if he had wandered into one of those old paintings depicting nymphs luring men into the water. Even if that had been true nothing would have kept him from joining her.

They had swum together, flirting with each other through the water, then touching and kissing with the earthy clay bank under his feet. She had wrapped herself around him, allowing him to hold her from drifting away with the gentle flow from the spring, allowing him to support her in the water. And somehow the romance of the moment had gotten to him and he had confessed how long he had been interested in her and in a strangely quick and easy manner they were officially a couple.

That relief and amazement had gone to his head and had intensified as he had watched her walk back out of the water; the nymph striding out of her world, actually wishing to join him in his. He had reached for her then, touching the glistening skin of her lower back, drawing her to his aroused body and she had allowed him to touch her in all the ways he wanted. She had cried out in passion at his touch, her voice unguarded in her expression of what she felt and as he had slid deeply into her she had held onto him as if he were the only man alive. The only man she could ever want. It had been something out of a fairytale, an adult fairytale admittedly.

So when he woke to the gentle smell of Athosian incense and her beside him he had sighed with relief that it hadn't all been a dream. He had rolled onto his side under the blanket and eased himself gently against her. The blanket had fallen from her upper shoulder and he had leant over the exposed golden skin to look at her sleeping face and had smiled at the soft relaxed expression she wore. She had looked really comfortable apparently not aware of the cold ground under the tent as he was. He really had had enough of sleeping on the ground now and had begun to picture her asleep beside him in his Atlantis bed. It was a good image. It had also reminded him that today was the last day of the ritual and they had a long walk to the Gate ahead of them. His watch was lying just beyond her on the other side of the tent, along with his dog tags, toiletry bag and two empty foil packets. Reaching over her warmth he had picked up his watch and squinted at the time through the dim light of the tent. After two days on this planet he had gathered that the days were shorter here and even by his watch they had slept in far too long. It had taken them about six hours on the first day to walk the distance from the Gate to the lake. Quickly he estimated what time they would reach the Gate today and decided that they needed to get up now. As much as he was enjoying his time here alone with Teyla, it was still a planet with a Wraith base on it. And there was no way he was going to follow one of the most amazing nights of his life with being swept up by a passing Wraith dart.

He had pulled his watch onto his wrist and had leant down over Teyla's bare shoulder, nestling his body further up against her. Her body was warm and soft in all the right places and it brought back all of last night's memories in a sudden rush of heat and arousal. He fought back the need in him and the desire to just snuggle back under the blanket and pull her backside even tighter against his groin. But he had resisted; they needed to get moving.

He had slid his hand down her bare shoulder and down the softness of her upper arm. "Teyla?" She had stirred only slightly, taking a deeper breath as she slept. "Teyla?" He repeated leaning closer and this time she murmured in response. "Tey-la." He brushed his lips over her shoulder as he called to her in a sing song voice. He had smiled down at her sleepy resistance to waking, as he watched her returning to consciousness and he waited to see what would happen when she remembered he was there with her.

A soft smile had danced along her lips and a burst of relief had danced through him as she had finally opened her eyes slightly and her smile had grown as she looked up at him.

"Hey." He greeted her dark eyes. He brushed his lips over her shoulder again, inhaling her scent. "It's time to get up." He whispered trying to resist the urge to lie over her and wake her up in a more interesting way.

She had closed her eyes again and made a grumbling sound which he had found amusing. "Come on Sleeping Beauty, we've got a ritual to finish and a long walk home." She made what had sounded like a grudgingly affirmative sound. That she had wanted to remain in bed there with him had been amazingly satisfying, but he also wanted to get back on the trail back home. "I'm gonna go get the fire going and start on breakfast. I'll make up that last lot of coffee for us if you promise to get up." He had urged her. She had nodded dozily, but was clearing dropping back into a nice snooze.

He had watched her face for a little while, taking in the close details of her skin, the darkness of her eyelashes and the fullness of her lips. Lips he could now kiss. He had pulled himself away at that point and sat up from her; she had no chance of getting up if he stayed in here with her. He had gathered his clothes from around the tent, amused at the scattered nature of where things had ended up. He piled her clothes beside her for when she got up. Once he got the coffee brewing and breakfast cooking she would wake up. So he had climbed up out of the tent into the morning light and set about preparing their breakfast.

She had emerged from the tent as he took the first sip of the coffee and he had looked round to see her walking fully dressed towards him, her fingers running through her hair to tame it down. It felt different seeing her in the bright light of day, after what had changed last night. There was a kind of protection to night time that had allowed him to express things to her which he had kept hidden for a long time, as if the darkness made things easier to say. Mentally he reminded himself that she wasn't about to change her mind now just because the sun was up, but still he couldn't have been more relieved when she had settled down on the log beside him with a wide smile, her thigh pressed up against his. He had handed over the coffee and watched as she sipped it happily and once she lowered the cup he had leant in towards her, unable to resist the lure of her lips any longer. She had met his morning kiss very happily, and her hand had slid over his closest leg, squeezing his knee gently as they parted.

They had shared the breakfast and coffee between them, passing the cup and the plate backwards and forwards between them as they idly chatted and pretended they weren't sitting a few metres away from where they had made love last night on the spring's bank. Once the food was gone he had begun to clear up the camp, taking down the tent and packing everything away. She had done the same, only taking more time to clear everything away from the ritual area.

Once his things had been packed up and he was ready to go he had sat down and waited patiently for her to finish. She had dropped back into that quiet, introspective mood from the previous two days and he had watched as she had carried the fire stones over to a large pile, returning them for others who might need them. He had known Teyla as a leader, a colleague, warrior and as a friend, but now he knew a whole different side to her; the passionate woman. It was fascinating for him to watch her now transformed back into the proud Athosian carefully preparing the area for the next visitor on the Questioning Way.

Finally she had pulled her bag onto her shoulders, turned towards him and they had smiled at each other, the moment stretching out between them. They had shared a wonderful two days here, had shared a most passionate night in each other's arms, but it was time to go. So they had set out back along the banks of the warm spring back out to the shoreline of the lake and had begun to retrace their steps back towards home.

He had held back as they had reached the beach and had walked at the far side of the small beach to give her more space to herself. And so now here he was following her back towards home, watching her walk slowly along the water's edge, her head held high, but a tension clearly there in the way she held her body. He couldn't pretend to guess what it was that was bothering her and all he could hope was that he wasn't a part of the cause.

He looked away from her back out to the water, watching the wind brushing over the surface, creating small waves disturbing the flat surface. The wind was sharply chilled against his cheeks, but he ignored it and instead began to reflect himself. Things had seriously changed now. He had what he had wanted for a very long time; Teyla. But, now as they walked further away from the mystical experience of the sacred place and the spring, the reality of their life was all too real for him. They would no longer be able to stay in the same team, which he regretted deeply, and there were others to consider. Would the military let her stay working with the teams whilst he was essentially still her boss? How would Kanaan react? Her people? John abruptly envisioned an angry group of Athosian males greeting him next time he visited her people. What would Halling think? Teyla hadn't told any of them that she and Kanaan were no longer a couple; what would they think of him as a replacement?

And Torren. John liked the little boy, but hadn't spent all that much time alone with the kid. They would be spending a hell of a lot more time together now, so he really should get to know the kid better. He wondered how Kanaan would feel about him spending so much time with his son? Would he feel replaced? John made a mental note to talk to Teyla about that.

Damn, she wasn't going to be in his team any more. He wondered what Ronon would have to say about that. And McKay was sure to whine about it no doubt. Great. He turned back to watching Teyla walking along the shoreline and decided it would be worth it.

-----

Memories twisted through her mind of her father. He had been the one to teach her of this ritual, had brought her and others here to learn the sacred practice and to memorise what to do. As a child she hadn't really understood its importance, but had dutifully done as her father had asked before rushing off through the water with her friends to play. When she had arrived here only two days ago she had been hit by the memories, not for the content of the ritual, but of her father. He had been gone a long time now and to be so strongly reminded of him, to walk where she knew he had walked had been such a pleasure. Then she had sought out her mother's stone, knowing that she had been following in the footsteps of her long lost mother on the Questioning Way. Through this ritual she had been able to touch an echo of her parents so strongly that it seemed to permeate the air. It had been a blessing, a joy that she rarely experienced. Old Athos was long lost, the places where she had lived with her parents were gone and she would never be able to return to them. That was the way of life, to live in the now, not become lost in the past. Yet, it had been a blessing to relive the past so powerfully, to be able to connect to her heritage so strongly.

And now she was leaving it. The ritual was over and it was time to go home. She did not regret that, for she had a life to live; a son to bring up, friends to cherish, purpose to pursue and a new relationship to explore. Yet, as she walked through the chilled wind dancing around her hood, she could not help but feel she was leaving behind her parents again. One of her last connections to them.

Turning her head against the wind she looked down at the smooth damp stones over which she carefully walked. Her memories of her childhood were fractured, but intense, as was the nature of such youthful memories. She had been remembering Halling's father only a few short days ago and now her mind was filled with recollections of her own father and all that he had taught her. Of her mother's voice, her gentle touch and loving hugs. Both were long gone, taken by the Wraith at too young an age. Teyla realised that she was perhaps older now than her mother had been when she had been taken. Her life was potentially dangerous in its own ways, but she had hope for herself and her son that they would live to a good age, unafraid of a Wraith stealing their life from them.

Much had been lost from Old Athos and then from the short lived New Athos. Her people were recovering now though, striving to fight for their heritage and culture against the fear that had controlled their lives for so long. And now, through this ritual, Teyla knew she would not return with them. She had decided to permanently live away from her people and the decision, though difficult, had felt so very right. Now, as she walked through the echoes of her childhood she felt as if she were leaving behind more than just the choice as to where she would be living.

The walk back to the offering tree at the end of the ritual was used to reflect on what one's new life was to hold. Yet, she was still struggling with letting go of the old. Her choices up to this point had been born of circumstance and now it felt as if she were truly in control of her destiny. And as she walked home now, it occurred to her that her life would be so completely different from that which her parents had lived. In giving up that life of an Athosian future with Kanaan, her son and her people, it oddly felt like she was giving up her heritage. Her family. A dull ache in her chest and belly told her how deep that fear ran.

She turned into the wind, pausing along the water's edge and closed her eyes against the chilling air. This was foolish. She would always be Athosian. She would live her life by the morals and beliefs she had grown up with. Her son would know what it meant to be Athosian. She opened her eyes to the beautiful sight of the lake. What did it even mean to be Athosian? She spent her life surrounded by people from a completely different galaxy; were they not all the same? If she chose to live in a room created by the Ancestors instead of a tent, did that make her any less Athosian? If she lived in a different galaxy she would still be her parents' daughter.

The image of her mother's stone back at the sacred place returned to her mind. Her own stone sat by it now, and John's beside hers. The stones would hold for as long as they could against the elements, but one day they would separate. Her parents were gone and nothing would change that. Her people had been attacked and damaged by Michael, but were free now and would live the life they chose. She could do no less.

She heard John pause at the far side of the beach, patiently waiting for her and no doubt worrying about her mood. She looked out at the furthest distant point of the lake where it disappeared around the foot of one massive hill. A part of her wanted to walk out and find out where the lake reached to. But this was the last stage of the ritual and she needed to turn her back on the lake and walk away, off to her new life. With a deep breath and a swell of sorrow she turned and walked away from the water's edge.

John was waiting at the far side of the beach, holding back a few metres down from her position, giving her the space she had asked for for this ritual. Now, however she headed towards him. The wind pushed at her back as she walked carefully over the slippery stones and she saw John's eyes on the rocks under her feet, worrying for her still. As she reached the edge of the beach, stepping from stones to grass she looked back at the lake again. John moved slightly closer, but held his silence as she looked out at the water, trying not to allow herself to feel her grief for her lost family.

"You okay?" John asked after a longer moment than she would have thought he would have felt comfortable holding such silence.

She drew in a breath, trying to feel stronger. "Yes. Just reliving some old memories." She confessed to him as she sighed. He didn't ask for any details, just remained close, his worry and care enough to comfort her. "My father brought me here to teach me of the Questioning Way ritual. We walked along this lakeshore together."

John could see the pain she didn't want to show, could see the tightening around her eyes. He wondered if she had walked this ritual alone would she have cried? He wished himself away then, for it might be easier for her to be alone and wondered if he should retreat away for awhile. But, he also didn't want to leave her and after all she had approached him. Did she want comfort from him? He had no idea what to say. So he looked in the direction she was looking and tried to imagine a young Teyla walking across the beach with her father. He had always imagined Teyla's father to be a towering man, rather like Halling. And her mother would have been beautiful. He remembered the confident beautiful carving of Teyla's mother's stone and he found himself thinking of his own mother.

"My mom died when I was young." He found himself saying. He hadn't meant to say it out loud. Teyla turned towards him, her expression curious. He looked away a little embarrassed at his outburst and at her interest. He rarely, if ever, allowed himself to think back to those days when his mother had been in the family house.

"What happened to her?" Teyla asked gently.

"An accident. She fell from her horse and she was just gone." He said simply as he looked away to the water. It had been a sudden and abrupt departure of the loving gentle member of the Sheppard household. John suspected his father had never really gotten over his wife's loss and certainly her kids never had either. John had stopped riding the family horses after that day, since the mom he had so thoroughly loved had been taken from him. So he had turned his focus towards his one other love; flying.

Teyla's hand slipped into his, her fingers gentle and warm in a way that snapped him from the cold dark memories he had drifted into. He turned his gaze back to her, trying to coil in the stirrings in his heart. "Sorry." He muttered, embarrassed again.

Teyla squeezed his hand, touched at the small insight of his life that he had chosen to share with her. "It is difficult to lose those we love." She said softly as she looked out at the water again.

"Yes, it is." He said. His hold on her hand tightened as well and she looked up at him to see that he was looking down at her with soft, dark eyes. She could feel her skin flushing at his attention, at the emotion behind his eyes. Kanaan had told her that they had never shared words of love during their relationship, not even once. She had been shocked to hear that truth and now as she looked up at John she was already ready to say such words to him and she fancied she saw the same desire in his eyes. But, it was too soon, wasn't it?

As if he had somehow read her mind he squeezed her hand and looked away, breaking the intensity between them, but he moved slightly closer as he did.

"So, ready to head back yet?" He asked. She knew he was changing the mood on purpose, but she gladly took his lead now.

"Yes. Are you so ready to leave this place?" She asked teasingly, her eyes dropping to his lips.

"I've enjoyed some of it." He whispered as he pressed his lips to hers.

She inhaled with the kiss taking in his scent and the chilled air with it. His mouth moved over hers gently, not pushing for deeper contact. She pulled back with a smile. "Only some of it?"

He still had a hold of her hand which had been caught between their chests as they had kissed. He kept the back of her hand against his warmth. "Not the part where there's a Wraith base on the other side of the planet."

She turned from the lake and hand in hand they walked towards the trees. "Has that been distracting you?" She asked.

He lifted an eyebrow as they entered the trees. "You've been distracting me."

-----

It took over six hours to make it to the Gate, but then they had paused several times to distract each other. The sun was setting behind the hills as they reached the massive offering tree. Teyla stopped at the base of the tree and looked back up to the swinging Athosian symbol hanging from its high branch. She reached out and placed both her hands on the tree again and closed her eyes. She thanked the Ancestors for their guidance on her ritual, for the insight she had gained and for the changes to come in her life as a consequence.

John looked up from Teyla's bare hands resting against the thick ancient tree bark and followed the long line of the trunk up to the swinging art pieces hanging from various branches. The rainstorm last night and the strong winds from today had knocked most of the bright coloured leaves from the trees throughout the forest. As they had walked back the trees had become increasingly bare and the mud had clumped together the fallen autumn leaves on the ground. But, there were some trees that resisted that seasonal change and this offering tree was one of them.

Against the cold pre winter vibe this tree looked as if it were still standing in summer. John scanned the large branches and saw no sign of sickness or growing weakness. He wondered how old it was and how long it would live. The dream catcher like designs that hung from the branches looked old as well, though he could see even older broken ties still wrapped around some branches, their artworks having fallen long before. No two designs were the same he noted and it reminded him of the variety of stones set in the wall back at the sacred site. He wondered if one of these symbols was Athosian.

Teyla finished her prayer of thanks, opened her eyes and looked round at John. He was standing to her right, his head tilted back as he looked up at the symbols high in the branches. Her eyes dropped down the long line of his throat aware of the sudden urge to press her lips to his skin.

He looked back down from the branches to her and she lifted her gaze from his throat. He smiled briefly. "One of those Athosian?" He asked as he indicated the offerings above.

She smiled at him before looking back up to the offerings above them. She had stood here only two days ago and had asked for answers to her questions. She wondered how many other people who had walked the Questioning Way had had the answer to one of their questions literally follow them into the ritual. "The one right at the top." She replied.

"Of course." John said as he chuckled. "Bet it was someone from your family who climbed all the way up there." He added.

She looked round at him in shock. "Actually it probably was."

"Typical." He said as he lifted a mocking eyebrow.

She tried to look offended as he moved away, passing her just close enough to be flirtatious. She watched him move away, to where he would wait for her at the path that led to the Gate, but there was no pressure on her to leave just yet. So she looked back up at the tree and made herself remember this moment. She had had the answers to her questions answered. She had let go of much of her past mistakes and redirected herself onto the right path again. And she had some new interesting changes in her life to explore. It had been a wonderful and productive ritual. She closed her eyes and silently wished her mother and father well and turned from the tree. It was time to go home and in no time at all they would be back in Atlantis and she would hold her son again.

John began to walk along the path, his hands resting over his P90 and as she drew close to his side she slipped one hand around his closest arm.

"Thank you for accompanying me on this ritual, John." She said honestly.

He looked surprised for a minute. "Really?"

"Yes." She laughed lightly at him. "Have I not made that clear enough already?" She asked as she rubbed herself against his side some more as they walked together along the path.

He lifted his interested gaze from her body as he replied. "I'm not totally sure I got that message all that clearly, you should probably show me again."

She laughed along with him as the path opened out to the Gate and she moved past him to enter in the address for Atlantis. John stood beside her, still battle ready; his eyes still scanning the skies just in case a dart was sneaking up on them.

The wormhole activated and Teyla entered the IDC. Once the go ahead signal was received she nodded to John and they headed towards the shimmering blue event horizon.

"I have enjoyed sharing this ritual with you." She repeated to him, wanting him to understand how much these past three days really had meant to her. "I am pleased you followed me here."

John paused just before the Gate and looked round at her and she met his gaze openly.

"Teyla, you should probably know…" He said carefully and she looked enquiringly up at him. He wasn't sure if he should really be saying this to her, and it was probably far too cheesy, but these past days had been about being honest and he would end it the same way. "I'd follow you pretty much anywhere."

She smiled widely at him, reaching out to trail her fingers against one of his bare forearms. "Then follow me home, John." She said before she turned and walked into the wormhole.

With a snigger he moved forward, pausing only briefly to look back at the forest and acknowledge that he was pleased he had followed her here as well. Then he stepped into the wormhole and followed her back home to Atlantis.

-----

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter:** 8

**Note:** So finally, something like 6 months later, I am finally completing this story. There are a few chapters to go and I will post them up regularly, perhaps one a day. Thank you to everyone who has pushed me to finish this story, and though it has been very much a headache for me at times, it is worth it to finish it. The most difficult story to complete is one in which you are very proud and happy with the opening chapters, for whatever comes next seems pale and less than what came before. I hope that these last chapters fit smoothly into the first 7 chapters, but that they also have a separate quality to them as well – for though JT have made their choices, there is still the reality to return to in Atlantis and the practicalities to face. Thank you again readers for your reviews and all the gentle (and in some cases not so gentle – you know who you are and thanks for it) reminders to complete this story. Love Wedjatqi X

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The hallways of Atlantis were dimly lit with the late hour in the city. The smooth floor felt oddly alien to her now under her boots, as compared to the soft ground of the forest with its crisp upper layer of leaves. The walls of Atlantis, as beautiful and welcoming as always, felt subtly restrictive to her now. She missed the open space of the forest and the moisture in the breeze as it danced through the trees from the spring and lakeside. Though, the rain had followed them home, as John as joked before he had left her side to be debriefed in the command centre.

Even at the late hour at which they had returned to the city he had to return to duties and responsibilities. As she had stepped through the wormhole and into the familiar Gate Room she had felt the change come over her, knowing that many eyes would be upon her. John had stepped through behind her and as he strode forward with her, she had seen the same subtle changes to him. He had walked with a straighter back and his expression, before so open with her, was now controlled and polite. These were changes that were necessary for both of them, but they felt abrupt following on the heels of such a wonderful open experience on the ritual.

She had said goodnight to John at the edge of the Gate Room, knowing that he was required to report in up the staircase and be debriefed. They had previously agreed to sleep apart tonight, for she still had to have a discussion with Kanaan, for him to understand that their former relationship would not be renewed. And she was also longing to see and hold her son. She would quickly collect Torren from Kanaan and turn in for the night. It had been a long three days and she had lost a certain amount of sleep last night, though very willingly so. The night would also give her time to think through how best to approach the approaching conversation with Kanaan.

And tomorrow she planned to visit her people. She would need to inform them of her choice not to live in the new camp. Halling would no doubt be waiting patiently yet eagerly to hear how her ritual had gone and what decisions she had made. For a long time she had kept her friend in the dark about the true nature of her relationship with Kanaan and she hoped he would not be too hurt by that. There was also the necessary meeting she and John planned to have with Mr Woolsey tomorrow as well. The regular monthly meeting with the IOA representative was scheduled for tomorrow morning, so she and John had decided to approach Mr Woolsey after that. Teyla could understand the difficulty her relationship with John could place upon him as her official superior officer and so they thought it best to discuss it through with Mr Woolsey.

Tomorrow would be a very important day and perhaps rather difficult as well. A good night's sleep would give her centre and allow her the time she required to prepare how she would explain her decisions and choices to others. So, she had parted from John's side, with a subtle secret smile between them, and she made her way down the dark hallways of Atlantis alone. As she passed a glassed wall that overlooked a balcony she heard the tapping of the rain falling outside. The sound took her instantly back to the spring and the gentle rain that had fallen there. For a moment she almost turned to walk out onto the balcony, to enjoy the natural elements against her skin once more. But, the rain outside was heavy and the light had gone from the sky, the moons dull behind the thick rain clouds.

She moved onwards down the empty corridors until she reached her quarters. She would leave her coat and bag there and go straight to Kanaan's quarters to collect Torren. With a swipe over the door sensor she opened the doors and stepped into her home.

Candlelight danced around the room at her entrance, surprising her. Kanaan sat to the left in one of her easy chairs, his jaw supported in one hand as he slept. Torren's crib stood out in the middle of the room near his father. Kanaan often used Teyla's quarters in which to care for Torren when she was away, but with the changes to their relationship she had not expected him to be here. She pushed aside the feelings of annoyance and nervousness as the doors slid quietly shut behind her. She focused on the crib, excited once again to see her son. She moved silently across her room towards the crib and peered carefully down to see Torren fast asleep inside.

He had dislodged his blanket and his sleeping top had ridden up revealing his small little belly. She smiled down at him as she quickly set aside her bag and coat. The candlelight glowed over her Torren's skin and his eyelashes flickered with his dreaming, casting tiny gentle shadows across his cheeks. She reached in carefully moving his top back into place, his skin warm under her touch, and she tucked the blanket back around him gently so as not to wake him. Part of her wished he would wake, so that she could meet his eyes and hold him, but he rested comfortably and she left him be.

"Teyla?" Kanaan voice was gentle and sleepy from across the room.

She stood up from the crib and looked over to see Kanaan sitting up, stretching his back and arms sleepily. "Yes," she replied to him as he blinked across the room and slowly stood up.

"It is good to see you home. Did the ritual go well?" He asked softly as he crossed the room towards her. She remained where she was, keeping the crib between them.

"Yes," she replied. "It went very well, thank you. Has he been well?" She asked of Torren as she looked back down at their son again.

Kanaan came to a rest on the other side of the crib. "Yes, he has been very well. We visited our people's new home yesterday. He seemed to enjoy being out in a camp." Teyla tried not to feel pressured by the statement, telling herself that Torren would be spending a lot of time in that camp with her people, even if he remained living in Atlantis.

"How is the camp?" She asked, hoping to keep the discussion directed away from personal matters, but the atmosphere already told Teyla that Kanaan would wish to talk tonight and that she would not have the luxury of the night to think through how she would tell him of her decisions.

"It is going very well. Most of our people have decided to join the new camp. The area is large and there is plenty of land to farm. There will be plenty of space for Torren to run around as he grows older." She smiled with him, but she kept her attention down on her son. She ran her fingers along the edge of the crib, the warm wood smooth under her fingertips speaking of her people's traditions and skills. Silence filled the air between them and Teyla felt loath to interrupt it.

"You wish to remain in Atlantis," Kanaan said eventually and there was no question in his tone.

She lifted her gaze and nodded slowly. "My place is here."

Kanaan nodded in return. "I am not surprised, Teyla, and neither will Halling."

Teyla glanced away from him. "I hope that he will not be too disappointed in me," she found herself whispering. As she thought of her friend now, she did not see the man she had grown up alongside, or the man who had assisted her when she led their people. She saw Halling as he had sat in his tent only a few days ago. He had looked every part the strong wise leader that he naturally was. His experiences with Michael had not dented his strength of will, in fact it appeared to have deepened his wisdom and patience even further. He was the true leader of their people now, though he would never have chosen the honour himself. Her choice to remain in Atlantis meant that she was also giving up that position now herself for good, for it would be highly unlikely that she would ever take on that mantle of leadership again.

"Halling could never be disappointed in you," Kanaan said softly, kindly. "He loves you as a brother would and he wishes only what you wish for yourself."

The words were a soft kind gift and for them to been given by Kanaan made it all the more poignant. "My place is in Atlantis," she repeated softly, "I am sure of that now."

Kanaan nodded with a soft smile. "I understand." She studied his kind face in the moving shadows created by the flame light around the room. Though he had forced this discussion tonight, she found that she desperately wanted to explain to him now. To express herself and what she had resolved about herself during the Questioning Way.

"I have always known that my path could deviate away from our people, but I have been resisting admitting how far away that path has taken me. And…" she paused wondering if she should really be burdening him with her new self discoveries, but then he was so deeply involved in them she felt it was appropriate. "I feared and blamed myself for all that has happened to our people." Kanaan looked shocked. "That if I had not left then Michael would never have learnt of us and those of us with the Gift."

"You are not to blame for Michael, Teyla. You know that. No one blames you for his actions."

She nodded blinking away tears that lingered in her eyes. She had thought she had cried them all away by the spring two nights ago. "I know, but it has haunted me."

Kanaan shifted in place and she sensed that he wanted to comfort her with more than words, but with the crib between them and their relationship so altered he was unsure. Teyla was pleased that he did not move, and besides his words were kind enough. She smiled at him and looked back down at Torren.

"I still believe that Atlantis is to be a good home for our son," she said.

Kanaan nodded, but did not reply. Silence surrounded them once again, growing as thick as the shadows dancing across the walls and furniture. She kept her eyes down on Torren, watching the shifting light over him and the crib around him.

"You have made other decisions as well?" Kanaan asked eventually.

It was not considered polite to ask another about their personal discoveries on the Questioning Way, or any other ritual, but she understood Kanaan's need to ask. He was intimately involved in her decisions and she felt a wave of regret for the harm she unintentionally would be causing him, the harm she had been causing him. She should have talked to him on this subject long ago, when it had become clear to her that her feelings for him were not as she wished them to be. But, her own mind had been muddled, her own regrets and self recriminations blinding her and scaring her from facing the truth. She looked up at him now and took a breath.

"Yes," she began, but she paused, playing over how best to phrase her words to him. It was not necessary though for Kanaan immediately nodded and looked away, his head hanging down slightly.

"You wish to keep to our new arrangement. You do not wish me as a partner and lover."

She pursed her lips at the clear disappointment on his face, though he tried to hide it behind a smile. "I can not say that I am surprised, Teyla, but I had hoped." She felt awful.

"I have not meant to mislead you all this time. I have been confused myself, about many things." He nodded, understanding as always. "You were right before; we have never exchanged words of love." He nodded again, looking away and then down to their child. "I do care for you, Kanaan. You will always be important to me and we have a past together that stretches back to our youthful days." He smiled a little at that, no doubt remembering many of the days past which they had shared.

"I knew, after I was returned to myself after Michael's meddling had been reversed. I was so happy to see you and to hold our child," his eyes met hers and she saw a light sheen to them. "I love my son, Teyla, and I am so glad that he exists." She nodded with him.

"He is important," she told him. "He was always meant to be."

"I only wish that we were as well."

"I am sorry," she told him.

"You do not need to be. You are being honest with me and with yourself. To remain together for the sake of our son would not be in the best interests of any of us." She nodded with his assessment, glad that he felt the same. "We are not meant to be."

"As I said before I wish you to remain in Torren's life as much as you wish to be. If you wish to live with our people, you will be welcome here as much as you want to be with him," she explained clearly.

Kanaan looked down at Torren. "I am unsure where I wish to live, I have been waiting to learn of your decision."

Teyla pursed her lips again, knowing that she should be as honest as she could with him. "If you do decide to remain in Atlantis I will support that decision, but you need to understand that I will continue on with my life."

He looked up at her. "I understand that."

"I wish to be honest with you, but I do not wish to cause you any more pain." Kanaan frowned lightly through the shadows. "I would not want you to be uncomfortable with another man in life."

Kanaan nodded. "It is the nature of life, Teyla." His voice sounded sad and she knew that he meant his words, but he could not know how soon this situation would be pressed upon him. She almost decided not to tell him of John, but at the same time the two men would have to deal with each other.

She looked down at the crib again, her fingers once again lingering along the smooth edge of the wooden frame. "On the Questioning Way I addressed many of my choices and looked at both the past and the future. At things I had ignored and denied for a long time."

"It is the nature of the Questioning Way to do so. We both will move on with our lives and that is why I wished our relationship to be very clear before you left. You had to be free to make these decisions."

She nodded, but knew that he had to understand the true nature of what it was she was saying to him. "I do not wish to hurt you though, with the presence of a man that I love."

"That you _do_ love?" He asked immediately. "I thought you were referring to a potential male companion for you in the future."

She met his eyes directly. He pulled his head back as he studied her and she saw him putting the pieces together.

"Colonel Sheppard?" he asked, though his voice held conviction despite his questioning tone.

"Yes," she replied honestly. He looked away to the side wall, his jaw working as he moved through emotions not all of which she could see cross his face.

He looked back at her. "And if he had not followed you on your ritual? What if I had followed you against your wishes?" The hurt and anger were understandable, but the sudden intensity of it was a little unexpected from him. That Kanaan, a very kind and gentle man, was pushed to such anger told her more than anything how much she had hurt him.

"That Colonel Sheppard followed me on the Questioning Way may have accelerated my decision in regards to him, but it would not have changed the outcome of my decisions."

Kanaan turned, stalking away from the crib, one hand running through his hair. She watched him silently, no longer making apologies, for everything was out in the open now. He turned back towards her from across the space.

"I need to know; if he had never come here, to our stars, would you have been able to love me?"

Teyla swallowed. "I can not answer that for you Kanaan. I can only be honest about how I feel now." She knew she was not answering him directly and she regretted that she was deflecting the difficult question. It was beyond her comprehension to imagine what her life would have been like if the people of Earth had not arrived on Old Athos on that fateful day so many years ago. If they had not, it would be likely that she would have been culled by a Wraith long before now.

She moved her thoughts away from that and found herself thinking truthfully of Kanaan's question; could she have loved Kanaan properly if John had not been here? A part of her said that she could have, that Kanaan was a wonderful choice for a partner, yet another part knew that there were aspects to Kanaan that did not fulfil her. John matched her more completely than Kanaan. She could only hope that the more she grew to know John further, that their connection would only deepen, but she knew it was still a risk for now. Kanaan would have been a safe choice, for she knew he would always be a loyal and supportive life partner, he was predictable and from the traditions as her, yet she knew she wished for more than he had to give. He would never challenge her, or take her beyond her own boundaries. He would not question her, push her and show her new ways of thinking. He could not be the warrior partner that she wished to be with.

Yet, would she have recognised that without John's presence? Would she have fallen into a safe marriage with Kanaan that ultimately would never have satisfied her completely? She could never know. All that she could be sure of for now was that she Kanaan was not right for her now. Even if John had not followed her on the Questioning Way, and their relationship had not blossomed as it had, she would still have made this choice to part from Kanaan.

"How long have you loved him?" Kanaan demanded.

She was surprised by the question from him, and heard the anger still bubbling in his voice. She looked away from him, not wishing to add more hurt. And that she was not too sure of the answer to that question.

He stepped closer to the crib again. "Were you in love with him when we were together? When we conceived our son?"

She met his gaze directly once more, but did not answer him, knowing he was angry and simply looking to add more to his pain and sense of injustice. He looked away from her almost immediately to glance down at the sleeping Torren and she knew he regretted his words.

"When we were together I thought of no other," she told him truthfully. At that time she had put aside her feelings for John Sheppard of Earth. He had not then been a possibility as a romantic partner, one of dreams and fantasy yes, but not of reality. "You know that I would not lie to you about that."

Kanaan nodded still looking away. "I know."

"Nothing has ever happened between Colonel Sheppard and me until yesterday, I promise you that," she told him clearly. She did not include the retrovirus kiss from many years ago, for that had not been of John's choice, at least not consciously at the time.

"You deserve to be with someone who is what you need and who can be what you wish them to be. Who can love you as you deserve to be loved," she told him honestly. She saw the protest in his expression, but also the acceptance gradually flowing into place. "You need to decide what you want now, Kanaan," she suggested gently. She had been dominating his life with her choices and it was time that she stopped that. "I will support and respect your decisions," she told him, echoing his own promises to her.

He sighed heavily, his eyes dropping to Torren sleeping happily between them unaware of the tumultuous emotions of his parents above him. "I need to think about it for awhile," Kanaan said softly.

"I understand, take your time," she replied. "If you wish to stay in the city, or for part of the time, then I am sure Mr Woolsey will accommodate us."

Kanaan nodded again, looking up from Torren, but away from Teyla. The pain was still clear on his face and she wondered if she should have been so honest with him. She dismissed that thought immediately, knowing that she had been right, it was always best to be honest.

"Are you on duty tomorrow?" He asked. She felt a pang of regret, knowing that no more could be said and they would have to both deal with the end of this relationship independently. She had already made the choice, but the consequences now had to be dealt with.

"In the morning yes, but I will be free after lunch," she replied. "I am planning to visit our people in the afternoon and I would like to take Torren with me."

"I will have Torren tomorrow morning during your shift until after lunch then," he suggested.

She nodded her agreement. "If you wish to have him for longer…"

He met her eyes briefly. "No, you have been away from him and I know you have missed him." She nodded honestly. "I perhaps will stay with our people tomorrow night. Could I keep him with me then?" He asked.

"Of course," she replied.

"We will return the following day and hopefully I will have a clearer picture of my own decisions."

She nodded again. "Take your time with your decision, Kanaan." For a moment she wondered if she should recommend he walk the Questioning Way, but then thought that perhaps he would not relate good thoughts to the ritual, knowing that she and John had walked it together so recently. She regretted disturbing the sanctity of the Way for him.

Kanaan turned away and collected up his things and then returned to Torren's side. He leant down and placed a gentle kiss to his son's forehead. "Good night, Teyla," he said softly as he turned to leave.

She watched him walk away, her heart aching at the position they were in. She wanted to say more to him, to take some hurt away. "Good night, Kanaan," she replied as she followed him towards the door. "I will see you tomorrow morning," she said softly. He nodded to her briefly as the doors slid open and then he was gone.

Teyla stood still and silent as the doors slid shut. The candle flames jumped at the slight disturbance to the air from the doors' opening and closing. She watched the shadows dance over the door and floor until the flames found their balance once again.

Behind her Torren abruptly whimpered and she turned, returning to his side. He was awake and unhappy, and as he let out a cry she could not help wondering if he had picked up Kanaan's pain and departure. She reached into the crib and pulled Torren's blanket back. He wriggled within the crib, grumbling sleepily. She slid her hands under his weight and lifted him up. He cried out again as he was moved, but as she drew him closer to her, his little dark eyes focused on her and she saw him recognise her. The cries dropped away as she settled him against her, tucking his warm little body against her and she pressed her lips gently to his forehead. He made a happy little sound, his hands touching her face and she felt tears in her eyes again.

Life was full of complications, but her love for her son was clear and absolute. She kissed his forehead again drawing in his sweet baby smell, and it comforted her deeply. He snuggled his cheek against her and she stroked his little back as she idly wandered around her room, enjoying his weight in her arms. Some things in life were complicated yes, but love was clear when you felt it and were honest enough with yourself to admit it. Love could be unpredictable and risky, but in her son there was no question or complication.

--------  
TBC


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter:** 9

---------

The corridors were bustling this morning as John joined the flow through the city on his way to the Mess Hall. It was early and the morning shift was due to start soon so most people were heading to their shifts, which meant the Mess Hall shouldn't be too busy. With the scheduled IOA meeting not due to start for another hour, John had enough time to enjoy breakfast and perhaps catch up on some paperwork.

He had slept well, the mattress wonderfully comfortable under his back through the night, though the bed had felt empty. He had woken early from a particularly erotic dream of him and Teyla in the spring pool and it had taken a very cold shower for his blood to cool down. But, once he was out of the shower there was plenty of spring in his step for him to face the day ahead, and it was a day that would probably be full of important moments.

He entered the Mess Hall to see most of the tables emptying, people hurrying across the wide room and past him out of the door with polite nods. Though he had gotten used to the idea of being a leader, he was still a little surprised when people reacted worried and nervous around him. As now a lot of people hurried from the remains of their breakfasts, no doubt a little late for their duty shifts. John had no idea who started what shift when, unless they were part of the military force, and in truth Lorne handled most of the day to day rotas of those on duty in the city. So, he ignored the scurrying around him and focused on whether he wanted toast or fruit for breakfast. He decided on both and piled up a bowl with a juicy looking selection of melon. A plate of toast and a hot coffee added to his tray he headed out to one of the team's usual tables and sat down, knowing the rest of the 'team' would be arriving soon. Though, from today the 'team' would be changing, but surely the morning routine wouldn't change too much.

He sipped his coffee enjoying the intense flavour, but it lacked that cooked over the camp fire edge. He set it down and looked out the large windows head of him. Outside the rain from last night had died away, but there were plenty of more dark brooding clouds on their way. For now though there was a large enough space in the clouds for him to see some blue sky and for some sun rays to shine down across the sea. It was a beautiful view.

"She didn't kill you then?" Ronon's voice boomed out from behind.

John looked round to see his friend heading towards the table, his plate piled high with a good sized helping of pretty much every food that was available on the breakfast buffet table.

"No, though she wasn't entirely happy with me," John replied as Ronon set his tray down on the table and dropped into the plastic chair opposite John.

"How long did it take her to realise you were following her?" Ronon asked with a cheeky smile as he dug his fork into his huge pile of scrambled eggs.

John pretended to look affronted. "It took her a few hours," John protested, aware that perhaps that wasn't all that impressive to admit.

"She mad at you?" Ronon asked as he munched on some toast alongside his eggs and bacon.

John looked down at his own breakfast. "Not anymore." He reached for his melon selection. "We saw some Wraith though," he added to change the subject a little and to prove that his fears hadn't been entirely without merit.

Ronon sat up a little straighter, his eyebrows drawn together. "How many?"

John waved aside Ronon's concern with his spoon. "It was just a dart and it didn't see us."

Ronon nodded, dismissing it immediately, and returned his attention to his food.

"Anything interesting happen while we were gone?" John asked, though he had already been briefed by Lorne last night. It turned out that nothing major had happened while he and Teyla had been gone and Lorne had suggested that perhaps there was something to that. John had ignored the comment, much to Lorne's amusement.

Ronon shrugged. "Jones broke his arm."

"Lieutenant Jones? How'd he do that?" John asked.

Ronon gave a dismissive look. "Didn't keep his guard up."

"He was sparring with you?" John asked and Ronon nodded. "So you mean _you_ broke Jones' arm."

Ronon shrugged again.

"Morning," Rodney appeared by the table and set his full tray down beside Ronon. John had noticed before that the four of them had fallen into a habit as to where each sat around a table. John glanced at the empty chair beside him, realising that Teyla had always sat beside him and he wondered if that had been significant. He resisted the urge to look at his watch to see what time it was; she usually arrived for breakfast before Rodney.

"She didn't kill you then?" Rodney asked as he sat down.

John frowned at him; had they been planning that? "No, she didn't kill me. She wasn't angry at me for that long, actually."

"So did you get bored?" Rodney asked as he turned on his own large pile of eggs.

"Umm, no," John replied carefully, "It was a pretty nice place; trees, mountains, a nice spring. Felt like a holiday really." He hoped his voice sounded normal as he finished his melon and began munching on his toast.

"Well, the last couple of days have been terrible," Rodney said with feeling, "you wouldn't believe the mess Zelenka made of that new experiment."

John tried to think back to Rodney's complaints and whining before the ritual. "You mean the new power source idea?"

"As if it was ever going to work?! The lab is a mess!"

"I'm sure Zelenka knows what he's doing," John said automatically. Rodney was always complaining about Zelenka, though it was clear to most that the two got on pretty well.

"No, he means a real mess," Ronon added, "place looks like a bomb exploded in there."

"Really?" John asked.

"It's going to take weeks just to clean the walls," Rodney grumbled into his food.

"The thing melted the walls," Ronon added.

"Not quite, the energy field the device created expanded out of control and fused everything in the room against the walls."

John made a note to have a look later. "Anyone hurt?"

"No, Zelenka was smart enough to properly isolate the device before testing it," Rodney added.

"You were there as well," Ronon pointed out.

"It wasn't my experiment," Rodney protested, "I told him he needed to do more testing on the device."

John opened his mouth to tease Rodney, but he heard Torren's little giggle from behind and he turned to see Teyla making her way through the Mess Hall, stopping to allow a few people to talk to Torren in her arms. Once she neared their table, John stood up and reached for the baby bag on her shoulder. She smiled at him as a thank you as she reached the table.

"Good morning," Teyla said to the table in general.

"Morning," Ronon and Rodney replied. Rodney being closest had pulled up the high chair that was kept to one side of the hall. Rodney stationed it at the end of the table beside Teyla's chair and Teyla settled Torren down into his seat. Torren giggled loudly at seeing everyone.

"Morning," John said separately to her as he slung the baby bag strap around the back of her chair for her. She met his gaze for a moment and smiled at him before she turned to the others. It was probably the fact that he was in a new relationship and that there were no doubt plenty of hormones rushing around his system, and it may have been the precise way the sunlight was streaming through the window, but she looked absolutely gorgeous. The sparkle in her eyes had been just for him and he felt a massive rush at knowing she was happy to see him. As she looked away to the table John remembered that he shouldn't be staring at her in public like that. The rest of the team appeared not to have noticed, both of them tucking into their breakfasts with great gusto.

"Does anyone want anything else from the breakfast table?" Teyla asked them, though most of her attention was directed on Ronon.

"No, I'm good," Ronon replied with an amused smile from his fast emptying plate.

Teyla moved away to get her own breakfast. John was tempted to make some excuse to join her, but instead turned back to finishing the last of his toast. It probably wouldn't help cool his blood and mind to follow her around the Mess Hall, so he focused on the team and at not looking over his shoulder to watch her moving through the large sunlit room. So he turned his attention to Torren along with the others, talking across the table to him making the boy smile and giggle.

Rodney returned to his complaints about Zelenka until Teyla returned to the table, her plate full of fruit and, John couldn't help but notice, a cup of coffee. He looked up at her face as casually as he could; was she tired or had she chosen the drink to remind her of their little 'camping trip'? Now that he was studying her closer he could see there was a darkness under her eyes that was more than normal and he wondered if Torren had kept her up, or had she been worrying about something else? She felt his attention and glanced at him along her shoulder. She smiled a soft reassuring smile that told him she was okay. He really wanted to touch her, kiss her good morning, but it wasn't appropriate here, but the desire was still there and it was very strong.

"So, did you put this one in his place?" Ronon asked.

Teyla looked round a little surprised and confused by the question for a second, as was John, and then she realised to what Ronon was referring. She smiled as she turned her attention to her fruit. "I was not pleased that John had followed me, at least not at first."

"The Wraith dart change your mind?" Ronon asked.

"There was a dart?" Rodney asked alarmed.

"Only one and it passed far overhead," Teyla replied reassuringly. John didn't comment, but as he remembered it that dart had passed just over the tree canopy; far too close in his opinion. "The ritual went very well and I have forgiven John for his trespass." She looked round at him with a small teasing smile and he gave her a brief glare before he looked away trying not to smile.

Torren squealed in delight abruptly drawing all their attention to him and Teyla reached out with a free hand and tickled Torren's feet. The boy giggled again before turning his attention to the small piece of melon she fed to him.

"He's happy to have you back," Ronon said as he sat back from his now empty plate and brushed his dreads back from his shoulders.

"I have missed him," Teyla replied as she smiled softly down at her son.

"He and Kanaan had dinner with us yesterday though," Rodney added. John couldn't help the burst of what was very likely to be jealousy at the mention of Kanaan's name.

"Kanaan said your people are settling into their new camp," Ronon added as he looked enquiringly at Teyla.

"Yes, he told me that last night," Teyla replied and John resisted the urge to look round at her. Had she spoken to Kanaan already? From her tone, and the quick glance he gave her, he suspected she already had. Perhaps that was the source of her tiredness? He desperately wanted to know what had happened, but now was hardly the time to ask.

He kept his attention on his food and belatedly realised that the table had gone quiet for a long moment, but unlike the usual silences between them all, this one did not feel comfortable. He glanced up to see Rodney and Ronon were both watching Teyla, though she was busy eating her fruit and feeding Torren small pieces as she went. The silence continued and John saw a look pass between Rodney and Ronon, but before he could grow suspicious about it, Ronon spoke up.

"Are you going to join them?"

Teyla looked round at him from Torren, her expression surprised. "My people?" Both Rodney and Ronon nodded. "No, I am not," Teyla told him with a reassuring smile.

Both Rodney and Ronon visibly relaxed and Ronon nudged Rodney's arm with his elbow. "I told you she wouldn't leave here."

Rodney made a show of rubbing his arm. "You didn't know for sure."

"I said she wouldn't leave us," Ronon responded.

Okay so that explained the tense silence; the guys had been worrying that Teyla was going to go back to live with the Athosians. John remembered he had worried about that himself up until a couple of days ago. John could see the pleasure in their friends' faces to hear that Teyla was staying, and John saw the same pleasure in Teyla for being able to reassure them. Everyone was happy she was staying in the city, well except her people probably.

"You said she wouldn't want to leave the team, not the city," Rodney argued on with Ronon and the comment dimmed John's pleasure a little.

He glanced at Teyla to find she was looking at him in return. They exchanged a brief cautious look. Now was probably as good a time as ever. John pushed aside his tray, his plate and bowl now empty. He leant his forearms on the table, his hands encircling the warmth of his coffee mug. He cleared his throat.

"Actually there is something we wanted to talk to you guys about," John began. He looked at Teyla beside him again and she nodded subtly.

The two men looked at him with curiosity. John cleared his throat again; why was this so hard?

"There are going to have to be some changes…to the team."

The two frowned at him. "Is this about the IOA meeting today?" Rodney asked. "Because I've heard talk that they don't want scientists in the teams anymore."

John shook his head. "No, it's got nothing to do with that and besides I doubt that will ever go through, don't panic Rodney."

"Well, it shouldn't, we have a valid place in off world teams," Rodney stated, each word accompanied with an emphatic gesture with his fork.

"The IOA means in first contact, battle zone situations, Rodney," John replied.

"And how many times have I been the one to get us out of some horrible situation?" Rodney argued.

"I'm not agreeing with them, Rodney," John began to argue back, but Teyla lightly touched his elbow, drawing him back to the point of the discussion.

"It has nothing to do with the IOA, Rodney," Teyla reassured him. "This is a decision that is more personal in nature."

"You're leaving the team?" Ronon asked with a frown.

Teyla nodded. "Yes."

"What? Why?" Rodney protested. He pointed at Torren beside him. "Have you changed your mind about being away from Torren? Because Jennifer says she's happy to watch him some days. And there are others who watch him right?" John couldn't help but smile at Rodney's clear desperate desire for Teyla to stay in the team, but at the same time it was making the whole thing more difficult.

"I plan, if I am able, to remain working as part of _a_ team," Teyla replied carefully.

Rodney stopped his babbling. "So, you just don't want to be with _us_ anymore?" John thought Rodney sounded rather hurt.

Teyla leant forward towards her friends. "No, Rodney, I love being a part of this team, but it is more a matter that it would be unwise to remain in the same team," she replied.

"Why not?" Rodney demanded. Teyla looked at John for help, but John could see that Ronon was putting it together.

Ronon had narrowed his eyes at John and then looked back at Teyla. "You don't want to be in the same team as Sheppard anymore?" Ronon asked.

"Because he followed you on your ritual?" Rodney asked sounding confused. "Can't you forgive him for that?"

John couldn't help sniggering at that. "No, Rodney, it's not because of that. It's because…" he looked at Teyla, allowing some of the pleasure he felt towards her to show and he turned back to his friends. "Teyla and I want to spend more time together, outside of work."

Their surprised expressions would have been more amusing had the situation not been so important to John.

"Oh," Rodney replied, "I thought…you," he looked at Teyla, "and Kanaan were…umm…an item." Rodney glanced briefly down at Torren.

"Kanaan and I have not been close for a long time, Rodney. We officially broke our relationship before I left for the ritual."

"So Kirk swept in," Rodney muttered gesturing at John with his fork, sending a few small pieces of egg across the table. A couple of pieces landed in front of Torren and the little boy was quick to reach for them. John frowned at Rodney, taking immediate offence to the Kirk comment, more than he normally would.

"It's not like that Rodney," he objected.

"Does Kanaan know about this?" Ronon asked abruptly.

John looked to Teyla. "Yes, he knows," she confirmed, her gaze moving to meet John's with a stiff smile. A long silent pause held over the group.

John looked cautiously over at Ronob, surprised at his friend's response to all this. He had expected Ronon to be pleased for them, perhaps even smug considering the fact that he had pointed out to John years ago that he and Teyla might pair up. But, thinking about it now, John realised that Ronon had been the one in the team to get to know Kanaan. Whereas John had stiffly used every excuse to avoid Kanaan over the past year, and Rodney hadn't really cared, it had fallen to Ronon to be the one to buddy up with Kanaan. It hadn't occurred to John before now that Ronon might feel for Kanaan in all this.

"Which team are you joining?" Ronon asked.

"I do not know yet," Teyla replied.

"We're going to talk to Woolsey about it today," John added, trying not to feel defensive.

Rodney looked round at Ronon, "You're not going to leave the team as well are you?"

Ronon smiled grimly. "No, McKay, just interested."

"We can still have our breakfasts together, right?" Rodney asked Teyla worriedly.

Teyla smiled. "Yes, Rodney, I would enjoy that."

"She might want to eat with her new team," Ronon added, "might be her excuse to get away from you McKay." The return to gentle teasing made John feel a little more relaxed.

"So, that's it; we just lose Teyla from the team?" Rodney complained, ignoring Ronon's comment.

"It's not like she's going anywhere," John argued back, feeling defensive again.

"I would hope that I will see you both as much as before, Rodney, I value our friendship very highly," Teyla said, sounding sad herself now.

Rodney smiled back at her a little self consciously. "Oh, me too. It's just that…we're going to miss you, you know…around all the time, watching our backs off world."

Ronon smiled as he leant towards Rodney. "I'll watch your back, McKay."

Rodney didn't look all that thrilled and looked at John. "Who are you going to assign to the team now? Lorne?"

John tried not feel so thrown by the rapid change of pace. For him, this had been earth shattering news, but Rodney was already onto the replacement talk. "Lorne's fine where he is," John replied as he glanced at Teyla, not wanting to get talking about the subject so soon. "I've got a few ideas."

"As long as it's not Zelenka," Rodney muttered. He began to complain again about the state of the lab and John turned his attention to Teyla beside him again.

She was finishing up her fruit with more intent than was necessary. Having had this conversation made the break up of the team very real to him and judging by the sad touch to her expression he guessed she felt the same. He shifted in his seat so that his leg rested against hers and she smiled before she glanced up at him from her breakfast. He smiled back as reassuringly as he could, wishing he could reach out to her and hold her, but they both had appearances to keep. He couldn't be seen cuddling up with her in the Mess Hall in front of everyone.

Her leg pressed back against him before she looked away to Rodney, unfortunately asking him what had happened in the lab. As Rodney went into his rendition of the accident again, with more exaggerated detail than he had told John, John drew his eyes away from Teyla with an effort. He glanced down at his coffee mug and then up at Ronon to find the big guy watching him. Ronon looked subtly amused, before his eyes shifted to Teyla and then back to John. Okay, so maybe John hadn't been hiding the staring thing as well as he had thought, or perhaps it was just that Ronon had seen it. Relief was an abrupt sensation throughout John's body as Ronon smiled at him, a tiny little smile of perhaps approval or maybe acceptance, John couldn't be sure.

Ronon looked away to comment on something Rodney was saying and the moment was over. It wasn't the full congratulations or 'we're happy for you' that John had secretly wanted from his friends, but it appeared that they had accepted the change of situation easily enough. In fact it had been washed under the discussion of Teyla's replacement in the team and now back into the usual patter of general conversation and teasing. It made John feel oddly…disappointed. For him this new relationship with Teyla was huge, but perhaps that isn't how it would appear to everyone else. Maybe, everyone would simply think of it as a brief affair or whatever.

He sat back in his chair and let the wash of conversation flow around him, for most of his attention was focused on the warmth of Teyla's leg against his under the table. He told himself that everything would be alright. At the end of the day John was happy with his decision and he was pretty sure Teyla was as well.

-------

The IOA meeting had been as boring, and as long, as John had expected. The representative sent in for the monthly review had spoken his way through the entire meeting with a monotone that had begun to make John feel sleepy. The first hour hadn't been too bad as individuals were brought in to dicuss certain matters in the meeting. Rodney had been with Zelenka to answer questions on the science advancements and so on. Rodney had been rather well behaved in John's opinion. Teyla had been in earlier as well, for a very brief discussion on trade negotiations. After that a selection of other scientists had put forward requests for experiments and expeditions to worlds found in Pegasus. All that had been interesting, but after the second hour no one else was brought in and the meeting had turned to the more boring aspect of running a city. John had struggled to keep his mind on point because of the boredom factor, and as time ticked away he became increasingly aware that once the meeting was over he and Teyla were planning to speak to Woolsey.

That the IOA meeting then droned on for an hour longer than John had predicted meant that he had begun to feel a little edgy. Teyla was planning to visit her people this afternoon and would need to leave in a short time. He really wanted to talk with Woolsey today. But, the rep had no knowledge of John's eagerness to get through all the material the IOA had felt necessary to bore him and Woolsey with, and besides the guy wouldn't have cared.

The sunlight from the morning had died away quite quickly as the heavy dark clouds had begun to move in over the city. The gentle patter of rain that began to fall against the windows of the city did not help John keep focused. When the sound wasn't distracting him with thoughts of how the rain had fallen over the spring on the ritual, it was making him feel sleepy again. But, eventually everything that could be analysed and dully discussed was concluded and Woolsey finally called an end to the meeting, with what looked like a lot of relief on his part. John shared a quick relieved smile with the man before everyone began to get up from their seats.

He picked up his own paperwork and deactivated the tablet he had been using as reference. As everyone else filed out of the room, most muttering and yawning as they went, he took his time putting his things away. He glanced up through the open doors of the meeting room out across the Gate Room to where he could see Woolsey heading into his office. John glanced up again to see Woolsey was settling himself behind his desk and that he looked like he might be planning to stay there for a while. Now should be a good time to talk to him.

Teyla appeared at the top of the staircase, her attention focused towards Woolsey up in his office. As she reached the top of the stairs she turned her attention towards John. He smiled at her, trying to make it as professional looking as possible, but that didn't stop his heart from jumping in his chest. Though they had told their friends this morning about their relationship and that they would no longer be able to remain in the same team, it was talking to Woolsey that would make it truly official in John's mind. She looked confident and ready to go see Woolsey, but abruptly John felt a flood of worry.

They were making a big step making everything very official for everyone that they were now a couple, but John couldn't help worrying that he wasn't going to ruin this somehow. A part of him that still blamed himself whole heartedly for the breakup of his first marriage, despite the fact that there had been blame on both sides, still worried that he was about to make the same mistakes again. What if he couldn't be enough for Teyla? What if was going to let her down like he had Nancy?

He turned all his attention to the file in his hands into which he was arranging the literal paperwork provided by the IOA. Paper was almost unseen in Atlantis now, with the exception of personnel files and some inventory work, but being able to handle the papers now helped him find something to do. As he closed up the file he realised that he had just thought about his marriage to Nancy as his 'first marriage' as if he was already foreseeing a new one. He carried his empty mug over to the side table to put it away tidily, creating more time for him to get his head together. He and Teyla had only just started seeing each other. He had no idea where this was heading. Sure, because that was why he was already thinking about what it would mean being married to a woman from another galaxy.

The cups all tidied up with far more precision than was necessary he picked up his file and tried to ignore the light sweat that had appeared against back. He needed to take things one step at a time. These were questions for the future, not for now. Now, it was time to talk to Woolsey.

He exited the meeting room and Teyla was waiting patiently for him. Her smile brought him back to the present much better than his own wandering worries. The smile she gave him was pleasure to see him, but also held sympathy as she glanced at the room behind him.

"You're lucky you got out earlier," John said to her with a smile.

"I was very fortunate," she replied as he reached her side. "Do you wish to have something to eat for we talk to Mr Woolsey?" She asked.

"No, we had food brought into the meeting," John replied as they turned together to move towards the command area and Woolsey's office beyond. "Wouldn't have wanted to break up the IOA patter." She smiled as they passed the tall windows overlooking the Gate room. The rain tapped gently against them, the sky outside gloomy yet light enough for John to see the large swells of the ocean in the far distance.

They entered the command area, Teyla moving a little behind him as they walked single file through the people all moving around about their normal duties. The way to Woolsey's office was clear and the top of the man's bald head could be seen bent over his desk.

John looked back at Teyla just before he stepped onto the light walkway that led through to the office. She smiled up at him, as confident and supportive as ever. John strode across the open bridge and paused at the open entrance to Woolsey's office.

Woolsey had heard their approach and looked up. "Colonel?"

"You got a few minutes?" John asked as he leaned slightly into the office through the doorway.

"Of course, come in," Woolsey replied waving John and Teyla forward. As they sat down in two chairs already set in front of Woolsey's desk, John saw the man exchange a bright smile with Teyla. "I wasn't able to welcome you back earlier, Teyla. I trust your ritual went well?"

"Yes, thank you. I appreciate the time you gave me to complete it," she replied gracefully.

"I understand that you are planning to visit your people's new camp this afternoon?" Woolsey asked.

"Yes, I need to discuss some personal matters and to tell them that I have decided to remain in Atlantis," she told him.

John watched Woolsey's face closely and saw the honesty to the smile that broke across the man's face. "I am very glad to hear that, Teyla. This place would not be the same without you." John nodded along with him.

There was a pause as Woolsey looked at John and then back to Teyla. "Though, I suspect this conversation is not about your ritual?"

"No," John replied as he shifted his position in the plastic chair. "Teyla and I wanted to discuss a personal matter with you. Well, it has professional consequences," John stopped himself before he did a Rodney and began rambling. "Teyla and I have decided that it would be best that we are no longer assigned to the same team," he stated clearly.

Woolsey's eyebrows rose up his forehead. "Oh. I see. Well, Colonel I always defer to you on military staffing matters."

John nodded. "In this case as Teyla isn't really part of the military it's kind of a grey area where we stand."

Woolsey had picked up a pen and was slowly turning it between his hands. "Can I assume that this issue as to why you no longer wish to work together is not something that can be resolved privately?"

John shook his head and saw Teyla do the same. "No, this isn't a grievance between us; it's more a personal matter." John wondered if that was enough. "It would probably be labelled under the category of…fraternisation." John hated the word, but he knew it would be the title the military would use.

Woolsey's looked surprised for a moment, no doubt like everyone else thinking about Kanaan. John had the sinking feeling that everyone in the city was going to conclude that he stole Teyla from Kanaan. Well he would have to deal with that. He knew he didn't split them up; they had already been there.

Woolsey sat back in his chair, his former tactful approach disappearing. "Oh, I see." John suddenly felt the need to explain himself, to make it clear what was going on here.

"Teyla and I have decided to pursue a personal relationship outside of work and of course it would be up to the superior officer to reassign one of us…"

"But, since you're the superior office here," Woolsey concluded. John could see the cogs turning in Woolsey's mind, working to see the issue from all possible angles.

"As I said Teyla isn't technically a member of the military," John stressed.

"But, she does work for the military and you are still her commanding officer," Woolsey added.

"Yes," John replied.

"If it is possible I wish to be able to remain part of an off world team," Teyla said. "I wish to contribute as much as I am able."

Woolsey smiled as he nodded. "As I am sure the Colonel has already explained as far as the military is concerned you and the Colonel would no longer be allowed to work together. Even if you are assigned to a different team he would still be the commanding officer and it would be considered unacceptable that the two of you might end up in the same hazardous situation together. For your protection as much as for those around you these issues have to be considered."

John got another sinking feeling.

"I think it would be best if I look into the situation for you both. I am planning to discuss another matter with General Landry this afternoon and I will bring the issue up with him."

"Thank you," Teyla replied John nodded his thanks.

"Obviously as of now Teyla, as the non military member, you will have to be removed from the team," Woolsey said.

"I understand," Teyla replied.

"I will do everything I can to help keep you a part of this expedition," Woolsey added with a kind smile.

John felt the dismissal and moved to get up. "Thank you, Sir."

"No problem. Certainly a nicer issue than these lists of IOA requests I still have to go through," Woolsey replied with amusement, but there was the heavy touch of the same boredom and annoyance that John had felt during the meeting.

"Good luck with that," John replied with a smile as he and Teyla headed out of the office.

"Thank you for your time, Mr Woolsey," Teyla said before they left.

"You are very welcome," Woolsey replied.

John followed Teyla out of the office, his file tucked up under his arm. "That went okay I guess," he said softly to her as they crossed back over the bridge to the command centre. In fact the meeting had been over very quickly, almost too quickly for John. He had known that Woolsey was going to have to take the issue back to Earth, but hopefully with Woolsey's support of Teyla something would be worked out.

"We will have to wait to hear what your superiors decide," Teyla replied calmly.

John nodded as they reached the busy centre to the Gate Room. Below them John saw what would have been Jones' team gearing up for their mission. Jones had been replaced by MacKenzie for the mission. In John's mind he had already chosen MacKenzie as first choice for Teyla's replacement, but he still had to go through the other possibilities in case he had missed someone. In fact, the teams all needed reviewing as the IOA suggested. Now was the ideal opportunity to make some other changes, besides moving Teyla into another team, hopefully. He hated the idea that the Powers That Be might decide that Teyla shouldn't have any involvement in any military missions. She was far too valuable to lose and he hated the thought that he would be to blame for her being grounded to the city. Though, if it came to a choice between her being a part of a team or their new relationship, he would selfishly admit he would chose the later.

"Colonel," someone called from his right drawing him from his wandering thoughts.

"What is it?" John asked heading towards the man.

"Sir, I need you to sign off on these new orders," the man replied. John nodded remembering that was on his list of 'things to do' today.

He turned to Teyla in the middle for the command centre. She smiled up at him. "I need to go collect Torren before I visit my people." He nodded to her. He hadn't had more than a brief second alone with her today and those moments had been in full view of other people. He hadn't even gotten to kiss her today.

"I'll see you when you get back," he said as casually as possible. "At Dinner?" He added for the benefit of anyone listening in.

"I should be back by then, though I will be leaving Torren in the camp with Kanaan tonight," she replied quietly.

John nodded, but inside he still desperately wanted time to ask her what the situation was between her and Kanaan; was Kanaan going to live in the camp or the city? Was he angry? Had he shouted at Teyla?

"I'll see you then," he replied instead. The questions could be asked later. "Good luck at the camp," he added. He saw the flicker of concern over her expression before she nodded and moved away from him. Technicians moved between them as she moved across the room back towards the staircase.

John headed towards his waiting duties, only looking back at her when he got to the waiting clipboard and tablet. He glanced up at her as she disappeared from the room. He was pretty sure she had looked back at him, but so many people were in the way, he had been unable to meet her gaze. Feeling a little disappointed from the sharp return to real life so far today and from the rather cool responses from his friends and Woolsey on hearing their news, John turned his attention back to his work.

He was aware of her returning some time later to leave for the new Athosian camp, but he had been in the thick of a discussion with Lorne and the IOA representative who had reappeared. He had heard the Gate being dialled and the wormhole activating. He had managed to shift his position enough to be able to sneakily see a view through the railing outside the command centre to part of the Stargate. He saw her dark coat and Torren in her arms as she stepped through the event horizon. He decided then that all the politics needed to be sorted asap, because that would be the last time he let her go off world without him saying a proper goodbye.

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TBC


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter:** 10

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The fading sunlight of the day bounced gently against the small mirrors, sending bright flashes of light over Torren as he gazed up in fascination. Teyla lifted him slightly in her arms as she stepped closer to the chimes hanging overhead. The gentle breeze that had found its way through the market place, danced gently around the metal tubes and the delicate notes rang out. Teyla watched her son smile at the sound, as he turned his head and watched the other chimes hung up across the stall all dancing along, the chiming notes a chorus of gentle noise that was somehow not lost through the constant noise of the market. Voices of so many peoples all mixed together in trade and friendship. Teyla looked away from the chimes out across the busy space set before the Stargate. She had visited this world only twice before she had joined Atlantis, and despite the havoc the Wraith had wrought upon this world and many others, the market trading was flourishing. Perhaps it was the influx of so many displaced people onto this world that had encouraged the markets, though the polite line of people queued up to leave via the Gate seemed to indicate that off world trade was just as strong.

The ground of the market place had been paved over with hand worked warm toned stones that already looked worn with great use. Teyla looked down at the stones under her feet and marvelled at how much could change in so short a time and that, despite the damage of the Wraith, Replicators and Michael over the years, the people of her galaxy were still alive and fighting back.

Another gust of air danced the chimes overhead once again and Torren's giggle added to the beautiful sound. Teyla turned her attention back to the stall with its beautiful wind chimes that had caught her and Torren's attention as they passed through the market towards the path that would lead them to their people. Torren was reaching up towards the sparkling chimes overhead. Teyla allowed him to touch the end of one trailing piece of bright coloured thread, but kept him away from the delicate bead work and the small pieces of mirror that were strung up among the chimes. The breeze caused it all to move again, the light flashing off flat and beaded glass, which sent small pools of coloured light over her and Torren. He smiled and turned his attention to trying to catch the small pieces of light as they moved over Teyla's hair. Teyla smiled up at the beautifully designed chimes and thought how similar they were to the symbols that had hung from the offering tree on the Questioning Way.

The stall owner stepped politely forward seeing her continuing interest and she pulled her eyes from the chimes to meet his kind brown eyes. He told her, with great pride in his voice, that it was his daughter that designed all the chimes that hung around him. Teyla agreed that his daughter had a great talent. Seeing the potential sale ahead he began to show her other designs including wooden chimes that emitted deep warm notes of sound. But, it was the original large set above her head that had initially drawn her attention to the stall that she remained fascinated with, along with Torren. She decided to purchase the chimes, for they would always remind her of the Questioning Way and that moment at which she looked up at the dancing offered symbols amidst the offering tree's branches. That moment in which she had felt equalled connected with her past, present and her future.

The stall owner drew down the chimes, causing them to vibrate once more with their song before he grasped them, silencing their song for now. She offered several small pieces from her bag as trade, but felt it was not enough when the stall owner would take no more. She thanked him and as he carefully wrapped the chimes up so they would travel safely she asked him about the new Athosian camp. He confirmed the directions that Kanaan had given her, and he went on to say how pleasing her people were. He passed her the chimes, wrapped securely in a fabric bag, and with one last smile from Torren they moved away from the stall.

The far left corner of the market space was her target, where one of the smaller paths led away from the area. She moved purposefully through the crowd, Torren twisting and turning his head as he tired to take in all the activity around him. The exit from the market area was marked with a large stall covered in fresh bright flowers. The stall owner was beginning to pack up the last remaining flowers and plants that had not sold. As they passed Torren reached out and grasped a large bright green leaf, smiling in delight, displaying his latest teeth as he grinned. Teyla paused again, allowing him the time to touch and learn. The seller smiled as she moved about the stall, pausing to pull free one small lilac flower and she stepped close to offer the flower to Torren. He released the plant leaves and watched her tuck the stem of the flower into his small jacket. He grinned again as he touched the small flower's petals. Teyla thanked the woman and then moved on once again.

The sun was sinking quickly down through the sky and the crowds were quickly thinning from the market, so it was among a good sized crowd that Teyla headed out along the path. The path, as with the market place, had been resurfaced with the warm coloured stones. Teyla suspected that if she were walking barefooted that she would be able to feel that the stones held the warmth of the day's sunshine. She remembered that the beach stones on Old Athos had felt that way. When she was young she and her friends would walk along the stream's shore to where it glided out to meet the larger river. They would linger around the water as long as they could before the sun would sink and they would have to return to the camp for fear of the Wraith arriving with the darkness.

She looked out now to the sinking sun on this world that was now another new home for her people. Old and New Athos had been silent places, with no other inhabitants other than the animals that lived in the trees. Here there were a full range of people and the chattering around her as she walked at a comfortable speed along the path, was a stark contrast to homes of old.

Gradually the path's other occupants thinned out as people turned away to follow other paths towards their homes, and eventually she was the only person still upon the path as the flat stones became solid impacted earth under her boots. She wandered on alone past the outlying fences of encampments and villages of other peoples. Then the silence she had been missing finally embraced her as the path began to wind up a hillside. The sun had almost reached the horizon by the time the path crested the hill and she paused to look out over the shallow valley below. Torren lay heavy against her shoulder, his cheek pillowed on one of his hands, his soft breathing the only sound apart from the breeze through the shrubs and short trees lining the pathway.

Below her the bright dying light of the day shone out in beautiful colours across the valley and she followed the bright patches of light to where her people now lived in the valley below. She could see circles of tents and the smoke rising from campfires. Her people had only been here a couple of days and no doubt not all of them had yet arrived to their new world, but she knew that the feasting would have begun. The first week in a new encampment would always be welcomed with communal feasting as the tents were put up in their new locations, carpets and blankets aired out to capture the air of their new home. Even now Teyla could see soft coloured blankets hanging around the camp, the fabric moving with the breeze. As the air moved up the hillside towards her she caught the subtle scent of cooking tuttleroot soup and roasting meat. She watched the camp seeing the small dots that were her people as they moved around their new home. Children burst out of a group of trees and dashed around a campfire to skip along the edges of a small lake set just to the left of the camp. In a way it looked so like Old Athos that her heart constricted in her chest; her home long gone.

Torren stirred against her shoulder, no doubt feeling the air cooling as the sun set. Teyla set off again, following the path down the hill, her gaze turning back to the camp when the vegetation allowed. She would be in perfect time to speak with Halling before the evening feasting. Then she would be able to sit along with her people and enjoy their company, share in their new home that would unlikely to ever be her own. What mattered to her was that she could share this moment, as she had shared every movement of a new Athosian camp since she had been born, whether it had been to a different hunting ground on Old Athos or to an entirely new home world since.

She reached the base of the hill in good time and the smells of the cooking feast grew stronger around her as she followed the well kept path into her people's camp. Despite the growing lateness of the day there was still a lot of activity; tents going up, furniture being repaired and fabrics being aired out. As she entered the main area she was spotted immediately and she waved in greeting to her friends. It had only been a few short days ago that she had spent time with them, so her arrival now was not greeting with such ceremony as when she visited from long absences on Atlantis, but oddly she felt like she had been away a long time.

She passed the main roasting pit, pausing to allow the now fully aware Torren to look at the food and sniff the pots of cooking tuttleroot soup. The air of celebration was thick in the air and it was pleasing for her to see that her people were embracing the new beginning as Halling had so intended and hoped. Stools and benches were being set around the main fires and as she passed the large communal tent she saw the tables already set with bowls and bread. Yet, she moved on; it felt important for her to speak with Halling first, before the night's festivities would begin, for she would not be staying for tonight. She would not be staying with her people at all.

She found Halling's tent easily enough and through the partially open tent flap she saw him sat at his father's table. She called out a greeting and he turned towards her a smile brightening his face.

"Teyla!" He called out and waved her in towards him. "Please enter."

She pushed her way into the tent, but left the flap partly blocking the entrance as a request for privacy. Halling stood up from his seat and walked towards her, his arms wide in greeting. She returned his embrace.

"I am so glad to see you so soon after your ritual," he said as they parted and he waved her towards the seat beside his. "Please sit, Teyla." She set her bags down from her shoulder and settled herself onto the sturdy chair as Halling began pouring out a cup of her favourite sweet smelling tea. She accepted the cup with a smile, happy to see him in such good spirits.

"It is good to see you at any time, Halling," she replied as she sipped at her tea. Her gaze fell to the map spread out across the table before him as he sat back down. She could see now why he had been working on it so intently. "Is this our people's new territory?" She asked indicating the map. She could see he had been adding details to one side, on the top left hand corner of the area surrounded by a line.

"Yes, we have begun work on clearing the fields ready to begin readying the soil for farming once again." Torren pulled away from Teyla's shoulder and reached out towards Halling. Teyla lifted her son and Halling's hands met hers as they transferred the boy with practised ease. Torren safely in Halling's hands Teyla picked up her tea cup again and watched Halling lift Torren high up in his arms before turning to the map.

"Hello, little Torren," Halling said with a bright smile, causing Torren to giggle and as he was lowered he settled himself on Halling's lap inspecting the bracelet around Halling's wrist with interest.

"I am negotiating with the clan who live to this side beyond the lake here," Halling continued as he pointed to the map "they wish assistance with growing their own crops and are willing to share some fields here." Teyla looked over the area he indicated. There had been a day when her people had had free range over an entire world.

"That would greatly increase the growing area," Teyla commented. "Would you have enough resources to work that much land?"

"With their assistance we could work together and divide the harvest between us. It would also leave us more for trading."

She nodded as she looked over the steams and fields of her people's new home. Halling was still, sipping softly on his tea. Torren sat quietly happily tucked up against Halling.

"Did your ritual go well?" Halling asked softly.

She looked up at her friend's kind eyes. "Yes, it went very well."

"And the Ancestors protected you on the Way," he said.

She smiled. "Yes, very much." She left out the fact that she had had her very own bodyguard following along behind her. "It was a very powerful experience," she told him. She knew that he over any other would understand the power the ritual could have.

He nodded with feeling. "It was the same for me as well."

She set down her tea and pulled off her coat, the warmth of the tent comforting around her. She looked round at Halling's home seeing the familiar pieces of furniture and art that he had gathered over the years, but she also saw a few new additions.

The silence that filled the tent was not uncomfortable for her, yet she knew that he was waiting for her to break it. She knew that he would have been expecting this visit, for he had posed her such important and life changing questions only a few days ago. Though she had discovered answers to many more questions than those, they were still vital. She felt she owed him an explanation for her choices, though she knew he would never expect it.

Outside the light had almost entirely gone, leaving only a thin slice of vivid yellow light across the ground outside the entrance of Halling's tent. She pulled her eyes away from the image and looked at her friend. Halling looked up from Torren who was now snuggling into Halling's side, the boy sleepy once again. Halling met her gaze and she saw the understanding there without her explaining and she also saw there what looked painfully like controlled sadness.

"You have made your decisions," Halling said gently.

"Yes, I have," she replied. He nodded, responding to the statement she did not need to say out loud with him; she would not be living with their people. Though he accepted it, she felt more needed to be shared. And she wished to share some of what she had discovered about her relationship with her people.

She set down her tea cup, her fingertips lingering around the smooth hand worked surface of the cup. "As I walked The Way I considered many questions, but the majority of them centred on my place among our people. I realised that I have been worrying over my place among us for some time, especially since you were all taken by Michael." She turned to her friend, meeting his eyes. "Since we lost so many." Her eyes gaze dropped to where Torren was quietly snoozing. "And since Torren was born."

"It is understandable, Teyla," Halling said softly, his deep voice rousing Torren for a moment before he slipped back into sleep.

She nodded as she watched her son breath steadily and then looked back up to Halling. "I had feared that it was by leaving our people to live in Atlantis that resulted in Michael targeting you." She saw the initial protests that both John and Kanaan had also had in response to that statement. "If I had not been in Atlantis Michael would never have learnt of The Gift that some of us carry." She looked down at the map and slid one hand over the material, tracing the lines of hillsides. "I have blamed myself for what has happened to us, that by leaving I brought you all into greater danger."

Halling reached forward, his large strong hand settling on her arm, drawing her attention back to him. "Teyla, you can not know that. None of us could ever know. It is not your burden to carry such thoughts."

She smiled softly at him, nodding, though part of her still wished she could entirely believe him. "I know that I can not unmake what has happened."

"Even if you had not lived in Atlantis, Michael may very well have learnt of The Gift, especially given our close friendship with Atlantis."

She nodded. "I know, but it has not stopped me from blaming myself. I have been caught between desperately wanting to fight the Wraith or any others that will threaten our people, but also that perhaps by leaving Atlantis I may in some way be protecting you all from further harm."

Halling lifted his hand and settled back in his chair. "You have always believed that in helping those from Atlantis that you are protecting us all."

"But, look at what that belief brought upon you," Teyla argued, the dull ache of tears in her eyes.

"And how will returning to live among us protect us any more than remaining in Atlantis?" He asked.

She looked away with a smile. "Exactly. I believe that my place still remains with those from Earth, in Atlantis."

"You could live with us part of the time and still work with Atlantis?" He had voiced this question before.

"It would not be practical to be moving between the two so frequently and I need to have a secure home for Torren. I believe my place is in Atlantis." The candles that before had cast very little light around the tent now glowed against the darkness outside.

Halling sat in silence for a few long moments, his eyes studying her gently. "I always remember Charin's words, Teyla. She used to say that you were meant for more."

Teyla shifted closer to him, her knees brushing his. "I do not think of a life with our people as being 'less', I never have and I never will."

"I know that Teyla, but Charin was right that you are destined to walk where none of our people have before." She wasn't entirely sure why those words made her sad, perhaps it was speaking of Charin. "That is a blessing, Teyla," Halling added.

Teyla took a breath and released it with a heavy sigh, allowing Halling to see the weight of emotion upon her. "I have felt that is has been more like a heavy weight and burden. But, working to protect our people and other peoples among our stars is important work. The life I could have returned to among our people is not for me."

Torren stirred against Halling, turning onto his side and resettling against Halling's warmth.

"I can not say that I am surprised, but I am glad that you are sure of your decision," Halling said softly.

She smiled suspiciously at her friend. "If you were so sure why did you suggest walking The Way to me?"

"It is whether you know what you want that is important, not what others think." He paused and she sensed he had more to say, but was unsure whether to proceed. She lifted her eyebrows at him, silently asking him. "It has appeared to me that you have not been very happy lately," Halling finished.

Teyla was a little surprised that her own inner conflict had been so clear to Halling, but then it wasn't as if others she was close to hadn't seen it as well. She wondered what else he had seen. "It is true that I have been feeling very conflicted and…indecisive about my life," she admitted to him.

"But, I see clarity in your eyes now," Halling pointed out.

She nodded. "Yes, though the decisions I have made may have led me down new paths I had not predicted." She thought of John when, only two nights ago, he had stepped up close to her by the fireside and she had seen for the first time what truly lay in his heart. She had been conflicted on her choice to stay in Atlantis, to live with her people and in her relationship with Kanaan, but she had also been conflicted at the still lingering hope that had drawn her to John. He had shown her by that fireside that her hopes had not been an illusion, that what she had felt towards him was equally shared. That fact would forever change the course of her life. Already today she had faced the consequences of that; her friends' opinions, her place in the team or in any team and her official standing in Atlantis. John was not the only important decision she had made, but he was one of them. One she had not expected.

"I am sure that most of our people will be far from surprised as well, Teyla."

She drew her thoughts back to the conversation. She smiled at Halling and his point. "Perhaps," she replied.

"And Kanaan, have you spoken with him about your decisions?" Halling asked.

The peace she had found from his acceptance on her choices on Atlantis was disturbed very quickly. She reached for her cup of tea once again and sipped at the sweet brew for a moment.

"There is something that I have not shared with you until now, Halling. Kanaan and I have not been close for a very long time," she said. He looked surprised for a moment. "We broke our relationship officially before I left on the Questioning Way, but it was overdue then."

Halling was still, his arms around Torren who slept on comfortably. "I understand further now why you have seemed unhappy. I had not realised that you two have both been unhappy."

"It was my fault, for I have been confused about what it was that I wanted. I fear that I have hurt him deeply by not being what he wishes me to be."

Halling sighed gently. "It is difficult when our decisions affect another so deeply, but neither can we lie and conceal our true feelings for long."

She nodded carefully. "I concealed my true feelings for too long; from Kanaan, myself and another."

Halling meet her gaze with an unreadable expression. "Another?" He asked.

She took a breath. "Yes, it became very clear to me during my ritual that my heart did not lie with Kanaan, it never fully has. Kanaan is a good man, a very good man, and an excellent father, but we are not what each other needs."

Halling had looked away as she spoke and she watched him considered his words carefully before he spoke again. "I believe I understand a part of what you mean."

Surprised she waited for him to explain.

He smiled lightly. "You forget that I have known you both for a very long time. There are few who did not see the affection that Kanaan always carried for you. But, you are different people. I will admit that I was surprised when you two began a relationship, especially considering your new home in Atlantis. And also that you would choose Kanaan. As close and affectionate a friendship as you both seemed to have, I had expected you to have chosen a more…" he paused considering his words longer than necessary "challenging companion."

She was surprised at her friend's honestly and his insight. "I had always believed that you considered Kanaan and me a very good match."

Halling inclined his head. "He could be a wonderful husband for you," he said honestly. "He _is_ a good man and I am glad to see his son among us, but I know you more than you realise, Teyla Emmagan."

"I had feared your disappointment," she whispered.

He reached forward again, resting his warm hand over hers and shook his head. She laid her other hand over his and wondered what she had done to be so gifted with such a good friend and she told him so. He laughed lightly as he sat back, returning his arm to supporting the sleeping Torren.

"We have both seen much darkness for our people. It is important that we remain true to ourselves and our hearts, especially now." She nodded at his wise words. Words she should remember in the days to come.

"Does Kanaan know that your heart lies with another?" Halling asked.

It felt a little strange speaking on the subject with Halling. For so long she had kept her private life very much private, but there was a sense of freedom now to speak of this, especially as she trusted Halling would not pass on anything he learnt. "Yes, I told him last night. He is hurt and very angry with me."

"That is understandable, but it will pass. He knows that you and he are not right for one another as you do."

"I pray that he does understand that," Teyla replied sadly.

Silence fell between them once again, but this still there was ease and peace once again. Teyla sat back in her chair, allowing her body to completely relax, though she had been unaware of the tension with which she had been sitting. Torren's soft sleeping breaths were the only sound in the tent.

"This other you speak of; he is from Atlantis?" Halling asked.

"Yes?" She replied.

"Is he part of the reason why you wish to remain in the city?"

"If he were not there I would still wish to remain in Atlantis," she replied honestly, making sure he saw that truth in her eyes.

"And if a day arrives, such as a few years ago, when the people of Earth need to return to their home – what will you do?" He asked.

She knew his challenging question was not meant to harm or push, but that it was grounded in his concern for her. "I am unsure and that perhaps has been one of the reasons why I have held back from him, for fear of him leaving."

Halling nodded. "Would you remain behind then? Return to us alone?"

She pursed her lips, the emotions of an unseen and possibly very real possibility clouding her heart. "I do not know. I could not imagine a day when I would never be able to see our people again. I lived through that pain before when Michael had taken you all."

Halling's eyes softened again and he sat a little further towards her to offer comfort. "It may never happen, Teyla. Or perhaps he would come to live with us."

She tired to imagine John living in a tent, with no poster on the wall, none of his music to listen to and no Jumpers to fly. Could he ever live like that? Could she really ask him to on her behalf?

"I do not know what will happen, but," she drew a breath to steady her emotions, "I will no longer use that fear to hide from what it is that I want." Halling smiled at her with tight lips. "He may one day break my heart, but at least I will have loved deeply."

Halling studied her for a few moments and she saw all his worries for her; that she was choosing a man from an alien world that may very well leave her one day, and they both knew that it would be shattering for her.

"None of us can know what the future holds for us," she whispered to him and after a long moment he nodded finally.

"As long as you are sure," he said.

She nodded emphatically. "I am." She knew that on that she was certain.

Halling sighed and sat fully back into his chair again, his manner relaxed once more. He watched her and a large smile spread over his face.

"What is it?" She asked feeling abruptly self conscious, yet amused at the sparkle in his eyes.

He smiled wider. "If I had to guess which man it was on Atlantis…" she felt her heart abruptly race in her chest, a warmth blossoming inside her. Halling reached for his tea, licking his lips as he set his mouth to the cup. She knew it was a purposeful delaying tactic; he had used it many times over the years, especially when he was losing an argument or game. He set the cup down and turned fully back towards her, his arms back around her son. "I would think it was Colonel Sheppard."

She was both shocked and pleased at his guess. She didn't answer right away, just let all her surprise show and looked away. "I am not sure I should share his identity," she replied using a tactic of her own. "The man in question may wish to remain anonymous."

Halling laughed at that, his chest rumbling with the sound. Torren grumbled awake at the noise and sat up from Halling, looking around the tent clearly confused as to where he was. Halling stroked the boy's back to comfort him.

"See, even your son sees through your pretence," Halling laughed.

Teyla leant towards Torren and upon seeing her he began to struggle to reach her. Halling lifted him and passed him over to her. Torren snuggled his head into her throat, trying to get comfortable again.

"Stay awake now, Torren," Teyla said to him as she bounced him lightly. "It is almost time for food." Torren opened his sleepy eyes with renewed interest. Teyla looked back at Halling. "Kanaan will be here this evening. I have told him that he can remain living in Atlantis near Torren if he wishes, but he may wish to live here in the camp."

"Either way he will wish to spend time with his son," Halling replied.

"I would hope that Torren could spend time here in the camp, not just with Kanaan but I would like to visit as much as I can."

"You know you are always welcome. Your tent is stored here if you wish it to be put up, then you will always have a home to stay in."

Teyla considered that and nodded. "I would like that and then you could also use it for Torren or visitors if you need it."

Halling nodded in what felt like a conciliatory way. "And perhaps Colonel Sheppard may wish to visit with you," he said with a sparkle in his eyes.

Teyla controlled her smile, as another worry of hers surfaced. "I am concerned that the others may not…welcome him here considering that I have chosen him over Kanaan."

Halling considered her words for a moment. "I think it will be unlikely. Many will be surprised and perhaps a little disappointed to hear that you and Kanaan will not be continuing your relationship. Perhaps, many thought that your involvement with Kanaan would tempt you back to live among us again."

Teyla smiled at him. "I had thought you might have felt the same."

He tilted his head slightly. "I will admit that the thought had occurred to me. But, I am sure that everyone will handle it tactfully. Once some time has passed I am sure that Colonel Sheppard visiting will be welcomed not judged."

"I hope so," Teyla replied.

"You forget Teyla that Colonel Sheppard is highly respected among us. We all know the important role he has played in assisting us and our rescue from Michael." He smiled widely again. "I also suspect that few will be surprised to learn of his importance to you."

"As long as Kanaan does not hear such conversation," she replied, trying to control the mixture of pleasure and embarrassment she felt at hearing that others may have seen her affection for John over the years.

Outside the sounds of people moving around had grown, signally that the feast was soon to begin. Halling moved to stand up and she stood up with Torren. "We all care for Kanaan, as I know you do." She felt happy then that though Kanaan had felt lonely living in Atlantis, that there were many who would look out for him here.

"You may not live on this world with us, but you will always have a place here. You know that?" Halling asked as he stood tall over her.

"Yes," she replied.

"Then let us go and celebrate this new planet that is our new home. Sit with us and enjoy being Athosian."

---------  
TBC


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter:** 11

---------

John's shift had ended hours ago, but despite that fact he was still in his office. He didn't tend to spend that much time in this room, preferring to be out in the city during his shift hours, but tonight he was lingering on behind his desk. He had caught up on all his paperwork, read all the mission reports and he had written three reports of his own. Every email had been read and if necessary replied to and he had even remembered to water the plant which sat in the corner near the office's one window.

He looked round at that darkened window as the rain outside lashed harder against the ancient glass drawing his attention away from the personnel files he was reading through. He frowned at the darkness outside the window and looked at his watch, shocked at the time. He hadn't realised how late it was. He looked up towards his open office door and noticed that the corridor lights outside had dimmed to night shift levels.

He turned his attention to his laptop glowing across the desk and compared the time in the corner of the screen to his watch; yep it really was that late. He looked up at the open door again. She hadn't come back yet.

He might have a lot of work to get done, but what had kept him at the desk this long had been the fact that from there, with the door open, he could hear the incoming activation calls and the burst of sound that was the Gate activating. Through the open door he could hear the voices of returning teams as they headed out of the Gate Room. He had chosen this office for that very fact and that if there were any emergency calls he was just a short dash down the corridor from the Gate Room. But, tonight he was keeping his ears open for that one returning wormhole that would bring Teyla back into the city. And as yet the only times there had been a dial in had been due to teams returning or checking in from off world. She hadn't come back yet.

He looked at his watch yet again to find that already a further fifteen minutes had passed somehow just with him quietly wondering. He put down the personnel file he had been reading, adding it to the second pile neatly arranged to one side. He was taking the opportunity to re-assess all off world teams, since it was probably past time that he shook things up a little. Teams got very cosy with each other, and though it was great when a team worked efficiently and effectively together, it sometimes meant that they fell into a rut of behaviour. John had regular meetings with team leaders, but with the IOA and SGC's agreement that there could be two additional new teams added to the Atlantis rota and Teyla's removal from his team, it was the perfect opportunity for a review of all the teams. And it was a great excuse to keep him at his desk so late. But, his eyes and shoulders were aching and he was getting tired.

He glanced back at the window to the darkness outside and wondered if it was this late in the Athosian camp. She would have told him if she was planning to stay in the camp overnight. He guessed that she was probably enjoying herself with her people. And hopefully her discussion with Halling had gone well. He wondered if she was perhaps undergoing an Athosian interrogation; her people demanding explanations for her choosing not to return to live with them and perhaps even trying to convince her to get back together with Kanaan.

John sat back in his chair and shook his head at his nervous thoughts. It wasn't like she was going to change her mind about him with a simple visit to her people. He had seen Kanaan leave earlier, with a large packed bag hanging from his shoulder. John had been up in Woolsey's office at the time going over the IOA representative's 'suggestions', when he had seen Kanaan waiting down in the middle of the Gate Room. John had watched the Gate dial and the wormhole to Teyla's people activate. Kanaan had nodded up to someone up the command area and had walked smartly towards the event horizon and disappeared through it. John had felt glad that the man was off the city for the night, but he had also felt oddly jealous that Kanaan was off to join Teyla with their people. John could never have that kind of connection with her.

The incoming alert alarm sounded down the corridor from the Gate Room pulling John back into the present. He looked towards the open door of his office listening intently. The rush and burst of the wormhole resounded down the corridor. The alarm shut off almost immediately indicating that whoever it was on the other end was a friendly. There were several teams still out tonight and any one of them could be calling in or returning early. Or it could be Earth calling in, or even an ally contacting them. Feeling silly at just sitting and waiting like some love struck teenager, he began to tidy the stacks of personnel files. Most of it was all on the computer mainframe, but hardcopies were still necessary for personnel files and John was pleased that he had something physical that he could work with right now.

He heard the Gate shut down and he looked back up towards the office door, his ears straining for the sound of movement down the hallway. There were no voices, which meant that it was unlikely to have been a team returning. A lone set of footsteps echoed gently down the corridor and John fixed his eyes on the edge of the open doorway, noticing that the light from his office cast an irregular rectangle of light into the corridor beyond.

She appeared around the doorframe, peering into his office and relief blossomed through him. She met his eyes across the space and as he smiled up at her she smiled back with a wide toothy smile.

"Hey," he greeted her, dropping the file that was still in one hand.

"Hello, John" she replied as she moved into his office. Her arms were empty of Torren and there was only one bag hanging against her side.

"Everything go okay?" He asked as he stood up from behind his desk.

She moved into his office, her walk suggesting a tiredness that he could now see in her face as the sharp overhead lighting cast down over her beautiful features. She pulled her bag's strap from her shoulders and dropped it on the floor beside one of the chairs set on the opposite side of his desk.

"Yes, it went well, though I had not planned to stay there so late," she replied. She sat down on the soft chair with a sigh. He caught himself wondering if there was more than tiredness in her expression, for he thought he saw a glimpse of sadness there as well.

John reached her side of the desk, glancing off towards the open office door wishing to close it for some privacy, though a closed door would only provide a small amount of privacy since the door was glass. He pushed a stack of files away from the area of the desk closest to her and perched on the edge, his legs stretching out to rest just next to hers.

John wanted to ask for more detail, but he didn't want to push her and besides she looked like she needed to sleep. He glanced at the open door again and then back to her. "Torren staying with Kanaan tonight?" He asked.

She nodded. "Yes."

He wondered if that was why she looked kind of sad; that she was apart from her son again so soon or had it been leaving her people? Yet, that concern did not stop him feeling a flash of pleasure to know that he may be able to spend more time with her tonight. But, that was secondary to making sure she was okay. "You eaten?" He asked.

"Yes, I ate tuttleroot soup with my people," she replied with a smile.

"You didn't cook it right?" he asked, remembering Carson's occasional teasing of her on that subject.

"No, I did not," she replied still smiling.

"You look tired," he told her honestly.

She took a breath and released it with a sigh. "The feast went on longer than I expected and it was dark on the walk back to the planet's gate."

John wondered how much sleep she had had last night following her 'conversation' with Kanaan. John had no idea how any of it had gone, having had no private time alone with her all day. That would change now though, but it was clear that the best thing for her now would be to go to bed and perhaps he would get to sleep next to her when she did.

"You want to get some tea before you turn in?" He asked making his way subtly towards asking about tonight's sleeping arrangements.

She made a soft murmur of agreement. "Yes, that would be nice," she replied. She set her hands on the arms of her chair and stood up slowly, clearly feeling sleepy. Standing up brought her much closer to him and he caught the scent of her, mixed with that fresh scent of night air.

He didn't care about the open door anymore. He reached out towards her, stroking down one of her arms as she stood up. She smiled at him and stepped towards him. Nicely surprised he wrapped his arm entirely around her and pulled her against him. She rested her head forward, tucking her cheek against his shoulder for a moment. John rubbed over her back and she adjusted herself against him, fitting herself just right inside his embrace.

"Maybe you should miss the tea," he suggested. "You've had a long day," he added.

She lifted her head from his shoulder and pulled back to look up at him. "We both have," she replied with a light smile. He nodded as she looked down at his desk behind him. "You have been working this long?"

"Had a lot to catch up on," he replied. She nodded, her smile sliding away. "Not that I was sitting around waiting for you to come back or anything," he added. Her smile returned as she tilted her head back to look up and meet his eyes. She was nice and close and he saw the pleasure in her eyes alongside the tiredness. He lowered his head and pressed his lips lightly against hers. The touch was gentle and soft, but it brought all the passionate memories back from the other night. As their lips parted he made that soft murmuring sound he so enjoyed.

Though his body was responding with eagerness he saw nothing but a gentle sleepy pleasure in hers. She rested herself against him again, before she looked away towards his office door, remembering that they were not in an entirely private place. "Have you finished all your work?" She asked as she pulled back from him.

He let her move away, dropping his arms from around her, glancing to the open doorway as well. "I just need to shut the laptop down," he replied as he moved away, back around his desk. He leant over the files and tapped in the shutdown sequence on the laptop. As the screen displayed its usual shutting down messages he switched off the small desk lamp and organised the stacks of files across his desk a little better, so that tomorrow he would easily be able to pick up where he had left off. All done he turned to find her waiting for him by the door, her bag in her hand. She moved out into the corridor standing in the rectangle of light until with a quick thought he shut off the office overhead light and darkness fell over everything. He followed her out into the corridor and fell into step beside her as they headed down the corridor side by side.

He glanced down at the bag she was carrying; if she was a woman from Earth he would offer to carry it for her, but he wasn't sure if Teyla would appreciate the offer. Or perhaps she would. But then she was already slipping the bag's long strap back around herself and it was too late to make the offer.

She glanced up at him with a questioning look. "Nothing," he replied with a shrug. "What's the new camp like?" he asked.

They reached the stairwell and he moved aside to let her go first, but she automatically paused, waiting for him to fall into step beside her so they walked down side by side.

"It is a lovely location set near the protection of caves set inside a hillside, there is plenty of farmland to use and a small lake just beside the main camp."

He nodded along with her further descriptions of the new Athosian lands. "Sounds nice," he replied as they reached the right floor and moved off down the corridor.

"It is a beautiful place and the other locals I met were very friendly," she replied as they walked away from the staircase.

"That's good to hear," John said as he saw the intersection approaching at which point they would have to part. Their quarters used to be closer, but since Torren she had moved to larger quarters towards the back of the tower. They were almost at the intersection when two women, two scientists, appeared around the corner. As the two women passed John and Teyla exchanged polite nods and smiles with them, but as one woman passed by him John noticed that she exchanged a knowing smile with her colleague. John frowned as he watched them walk away down the corridor towards the staircase.

"It appears you may have been right about Rodney," Teyla said with a smile, leaning closer to him as they walked.

He turned back from watching the scientists, waiting to see if they would look back at him and Teyla. They didn't.

"It'll be all round the city by tomorrow, probably already has," John said as he turned back to the approaching intersection.

"Like…what was the phrase you used?" Teyla asked with amusement in her voice.

They had reached the intersection and John paused in the hallway and turned towards her. "Like wildfire," he informed her. He looked down the corridor behind him and then over her shoulder down the other way. Happy there was no one overhearing them he turned his attention to her. There was an amused expression on her face, but there was also a touch of something serious there.

"What?" He asked curious at the sudden change to her mood.

She looked up at him with her honest dark eyes. "You said before that you did not mind that people would know about us," she said. It wasn't a worried question, or an accusation, just a very honest query on her part.

He was a little surprised by the question. "I don't mind."

She looked at the corridor behind him and then back up at him with a raised eyebrow.

"I was just making sure we were alone," he told her with a smile.

"We are in a corridor, there are likely to be others using it."

He narrowed his eyes at her, seeing the teasing glint in her eyes. "I was trying to be a gentleman," he told her.

She quirked an eyebrow acting surprised and doubtful. He shifted closer to her. "I can be a gentleman," he protested. "It's just there are certain conversations that I don't want other people around for."

She looked very interested at that. "And what conversation were you wishing to have now?" He thought she probably already knew. He enjoyed this side of her; the playful woman who held sensual power over him and knew it. Well, that went both ways.

He looked away. "I don't know; you've put me off now."

Her hand landed on his chest, the warmth of her touch pouring through the front of his open jacket and passing quickly through his shirt to his skin beneath. Memories flashed back to him from when she had touched him like this by the fireside. He forgot the corridor around them and focused on her soft voice. "I apologise," she said with a silken smile. She stroked across his chest slightly, her fingers catching lightly against the chains of his dog tags through his clothes. "I assume your question was about my conversation with Kanaan and Halling?"

"Actually it was gonna be; your place or mine?" he told her. That wide toothy grin of hers appeared once again and he smiled back. "That of course includes those other questions as well…you know, if you want to tell me. You don't have to if you don't want to," he dwindled off.

She stroked over his chest again, her hand lingering over his heart. "I would prefer to sleep in my own bed tonight. Would that be alright?"

He wasn't sure if she was asking for some space. "You want to be by yourself?" He asked.

She took a breath and shook her head. "No, I do not."

He was surprised how truly relieved he felt to hear that. There was a subtle sound down the far end of corridor behind him and Teyla dropped her hand from his chest and stepped back from him very slightly.

"I'll go get a few things from my place," he said quietly.

She nodded. "I will see you then."

"Okay," he replied a little louder and together they both moved past each other heading in different directions.

John looked back down the corridor as casually as he could. The person walking down the corridor was a guy clearly more interested in rushing somewhere than what John had been discussing with Teyla. The guy nodded politely but automatically to Teyla as they passed one another. John turned back to his corridor and walked at a casual speed to his room.

-----

Teyla stepped down from the chair and looked up at the chimes hanging down in the dim moonlight. The metal chimes bounced gently against each other as they settled into their new place, the sounds singing softly through the candle light. Teyla was pleased with the location, as when the nearby window was open a light breeze would pass across the chimes and the coloured beads and glass would catch the sunlight. She smiled up at the chimes one last time as she set aside the chair she had been standing on and stood back to look up at the new addition to her quarters. She was tired and it was late, but she had wanted to put the chimes up tonight. She wished this day to end with the strong reminder of what it was that she had learnt from the Questioning Way. Her choices were made and now those who needed to know did and she could move forward.

She turned from the chimes to the closed window, looking down through the dull moonlight to the sea surrounding the city. She could just about make out the peaks of swells in the water, churned up by the storm outside. The rain had lessened now, creating only a light drizzle against her window. She moved closer and studied her view of the city.

Her room felt empty without Torren in it. Her arms had felt so empty as she had left her people's new camp, their warmth and joy staying behind her as she walked away along the dark path to the Stargate. Kanaan had arrived just as she and Torren had finished their evening meal alongside Halling and the others. Kanaan had been greeted warmly and he had moved to her side to say hello to Torren. Torren had been happy to see his father, but had been more intent on finishing his food. Kanaan had smiled at her, before turning and sitting away from her around the fire. She had felt the others' eyes on her and Kanaan after that. She did not doubt that by morning they would all know that she and Kanaan were no longer together. Though, it would have been made clearer by the fact that as the night had closed in, that she had left Torren sleeping in his father's arms and had headed back to Atlantis.

She turned from the ocean view, dropped the thin curtains over the window and moved towards her bed. Last night after Kanaan had left she had tided up her room, moving the bed's location and packing away Kanaan's things into a box for him. He had taken them this morning and had given her a few of her things that had somehow found their way into his quarters. She made her way around the room now, taking in the different feel of it all. She had made a very clear area for Torren; his box of toys, crib and a rug for him to play on all clearly set out. She had set two chairs near it, so that she could sit with him and still have guests in the room. It felt more 'her' now and she felt pleased with the changes. She reached the main collection of glowing candles and began blowing them out as she quietly said the night time prayer to the Ancestors. She sung them to Torren each night, but somewhere along the way she had stopped saying them for herself.

Slowly she worked her way round the room, putting out the candles and as the room lapsed into greater darkness she felt the tiredness and satisfaction with the day settle within her. She had almost finished with the last candles when the door chimes rang. Smiling she moved to the door and waved her hand over the door sensor. The doors opened revealing John in the corridor. She exchanged a smile with him as she waved him into her room.

"I was worried you might have fallen asleep," he said as the doors slid shut behind him.

"If I had you can just let yourself in," she told him with a smile as she lifted up on her toes to kiss him softly in greeting. He had a bag in one hand, but the other hand slid around her back pulling her tightly to him. His mouth responded gently to hers, allowing her to control the depth of it and she pulled back with a smile. His hands, for she had heard the bag drop to the ground by her feet, both caressed down her back, stopping just short of her backside. His mouth tasted of toothpaste and his cheeks had the soft feel of newly shaven skin. She stroked her hand down over his chest as she had done earlier in the corridor.

"You sure you're okay?" he asked and she could feel the vibration of his words through her fingertips.

She nodded up at him. "Just tired," she replied, but then she knew that wasn't entirely accurate. She could see the affectionate concern in his eyes. "It was strange leaving the camp this evening, leaving Torren behind with Kanaan and all the others. It made it so very real now."

"That it's over between you two?" He asked with what sounded like a careful tone.

"That I have chosen not to live with my people. That I will not be living a traditional Athosian life again."

"Do you regret your decision?" He asked.

"No," she replied honestly.

"You sure?" He asked gently, his hands strong and supportive around her waist.

She smiled up at him. "Yes, I am sure. It has just been a very long day."

He nodded. "Then I suggest we go to bed and get some sleep."

"That would be nice," she replied.

His arms loosened from around her and she moved away towards the last collection of candles. She blew them out gradually as behind her she heard the rustle of clothing. The last flames extinguished she turned to her bed and moved around the foot to the side closest to the window. She pulled back the covers and climbed in between the cool sheets. She settled herself down and looked across the dark room as John moved towards the bed. He had changed into a loose pair of trousers that fit very snugly around his hips she couldn't help but notice. She plumped his pillow for him as he climbed in between the sheets beside her. It was the first time they were to share a proper bed together, lying beside each other as they slept.

He smiled at her as he settled himself down, resting his head down against the pillow. There were a few moments as both of them adjusted the covers over them and then his arm reached towards her. She rolled onto her side towards him, his arm encircling her and the warmth of his hand glowed through the back of her night shirt. She shifted closer to him and he did the same, as they snuggled up to each other.

He slid one arm under her and her pillow to support her, his warmth all around her, comforting her. One of his legs slid over hers, pinning her lightly and she wriggled into a comfortable position against his chest. Finally both of them stilled, having found their place against the other, and she sighed in pleasure. His hand moved gently back and forth across her back, soothing her.

He sighed heavily against her, his body relaxing further against her with the deep sound. She snuggled slightly closer to him. His presence enveloped her and the feel of him so still and comforting brought forth the tiredness with a vengeance. She closed her eyes tightly, feeling herself being pulled into sleep, though she wished to resist for a while longer, to enjoy this time with him.

His lips pressed gently against her temple, so soft that she wasn't entirely sure that she was already drifting into dreams.

"Night, Teyla," he whispered to her.

She may have replied, she wasn't sure, for the pull of sleep was far too strong now and she surrendered to it.

--------  
TBC


	12. Chapter 12

The rain was falling heavily now, almost obscuring the lake from Teyla. The surface danced with the impacts of the rain droplets, creating a surface that was somehow flat yet constantly busy. The rushing sound of falling water was relaxing despite the chill to the air and the growing breeze across the water. She drew in a breath of the cool air, absorbing the scents and sharp crispness of the storm.

She turned from the lake to look back along the water's edge towards the entrance to the sacred spring and then round further to look at the tree line behind her. There was no sound other than the falling rain; there was no other life here but her. She frowned at the 'wrongness' of it all. She watched the trees, trying to discover what it was that felt wrong about the environment around her. As she studied the branches she realised that nothing was moving around her, not even the leaves moved in the wind off the lake. Nothing stirred even with the impacts of the rain all around her. The storm was growing in intensity, but nothing was reacting, everything was fixed unchanging despite the force of the wind and the heavy fall of rain. She looked down at the water slicked smooth stones that comprised the narrow beach along the lake's edge. She watched as the rain drops fell flatly over them; it would take years for falling rain to affect a stone. The wind off the water gusted against the side of her hood with a rush of renewed power, causing her to draw in slightly, away from the harsh air that still managed to sneak around her hood's protection to graze sharply at her cheeks.

As she held herself strong against the gusting air, her shoulder turned into the wind, she heard a new sound; a soft tingle of a sound that had her peering out from her hood to the lake once again. The sound came again and for a moment she thought it sounded like bells or chimes, but as the sound continued and the wind dropped she identified the sound as that of children.

She looked away from the lake, back along the shore to where she had first stepped out of the trees to see this sacred lake. The rain had lessened enough for her to see shapes moving near the distant shoreline. She turned straining her eyes to understand what she was seeing. The shapes seemed to be indistinct through the falling rain. For a moment she thought she saw the shapes separating, but then they blurred together again. It reminded her of the wall of stones; separate stones yet formed into one, only to one day to fall apart again.

She kept straining to seek out the separateness and the rain lessened enough for her to finally see human shapes moving towards her along the lakeshore. The sounds of children laughing became clear now and finally she was able to see a large group of children running in her direction along the shore line, dancing in and out of the water as they ran. The rain died away further that she could make out the Athosian clothes of the children as they grew ever closer and as they did she began to recognise faces despite the years that had passed. She smiled, despite the rain falling in under the protection of her hood to wet her face, for she saw the young faces of her childhood friends. They screeched and laughed as they ran through the water, splashing it up over themselves and each other as they played.

They were almost upon her, rushing onwards with the fun abandon of children who were lost in the moment. Their laughter and delight was infectious and she laughed along with them as she watched them. And then the group had reached her and the group parted as they moved past her. They didn't pay her any attention or didn't see her perhaps, but she still called out to one young girl among the group as she neared. The girl with dark eyes and skin, her hair plaited back from her face. Teyla watched her younger self amidst the group with fascination. Around her there were the faces of her childhood; some of which she was as close to now as she was then, but there were many others who were now gone. Faces that she could recognise, but with a stab of pain she realised she couldn't remember some of their names.

She turned on the spot as her younger self ran past and behind the little Teyla there ran another boy that she had not seen before. Not seen as a boy before that is, but she could still recognise his face. His dark hair was as unruly as a young boy as it was as an adult. His features seemed large and rough, as was the way with boys who had handsome features to grow into. She saw the quickness in him, the natural physical skill, but she also saw the freedom of childhood in him.

Then the group were all past her and she stood watching young John splash water up at her younger self as they ran on happily. She watched as they all scampered on, her people past and present, all racing up along the beach, the group free to roam wherever they wished. Above her the storm clouds were moving away, the rain ceased, and she looked up to see that the grey clouds were parting and the first hint of sunlight could be seen ready to break through.

Behind her she heard more movement and she turned back to see two more figures moving towards her. A man and woman walking along hand in hand. They were looking off towards the children with the look of relaxed parents; patient yet watchful. But, it was their faces and clothes that drew Teyla's eye. Athosian designs; so familiar and yet so forgotten. Tears filled Teyla's eyes as she watched the couple walking towards her, desperately wanting to believe that this was real, that she was truly seeing what her vague infant memories recognised. The woman's face was soft and happy, the gentle breeze off the lake playing with the long curls of her hair. Teyla watched her turn and look at the dark skinned man walking beside her. His face Teyla knew better, for she had sat by his knee for most of her childhood, until that fateful day when the Wraith had taken him as well. For a moment Teyla heard his last call to her again, echoing through the air and memory.

"Father, Mother," Teyla whispered as the couple approached. Tears filled Teyla's eyes as she turned watching them begin to pass her by.

Then as they passed, both of them looked towards her and smiled. Tears dripped down Teyla's cheeks as she smiled back at them. Their expressions were warm and full of love, and above the clouds parted spilling sunlight down over them all.

Laughter echoed down the shoreline and Teyla looked back towards the children to see her youthful counterpart watching them from where she stood small hand clutching young John's hand. With cheeky smiles the two children turned and ran off together, running behind the others, but then broke away to run rushing down into the water laughing and splashing each other as they did. The tinkling sounds of laughter mixed with that of splashing water and of her parents chuckling beside her, until it all became one cacophony of sound.

Teyla woke to the gentle sound of a bell. The sound was delicate and so light that it was barely audible over the rain pattering against the window. Teyla opened her eyes from the warmth of her dream and turned towards the sounds.

The moons had risen through the night and the moonlight was a strong yet gentle light through the thin curtains over the window. The moonlight glistened off the chimes and she watched the glowing light catch against a few pieces of mirrored glass. One metal chime moved gently, tapping ever so lightly against the one beside it and the soft ring sounded again. Teyla smiled at the sound and watched as a long thread of coloured beads danced gently as well, moving in the unfelt circulation of air that the ancient city provided.

Rain tapped insistently against the window, the water on the glass breaking up the moonlight through the thin curtains. Teyla turned her gaze to watch the changing light through the curtains with the unquestioning attention of the truly relaxed.

She thought of her people's new home, of the new Athosian children living in the camp, her son among them tonight. She hoped Torren was content and that her people would remain safe this night and for all those to follow. With Michael's death her people had a future once again. Their new home planet was filled with other peoples, all working together to improve their lives. She thought of the market and how there had never been anything like that on Old or New Athos. She wondered if perhaps these changes would be good for her people, for change was always necessary. She had chosen to change the direction of her life from what she had originally conceived as a child. She had wanted to be like her father; strong, capable and able to protect her people. She had wanted to help in the way she was naturally inclined; leadership and negotiation, but then those from Earth had arrived. That had changed her life in that suddenly more was possible, more could be done to help all of those endangered by the Wraith, not just her own people. That choice had changed her life, and continued to do so, and she did not regret her decisions.

She drew in a deep breath looking away from the window, thinking then of the rather blurred images of her parents from her dream. Already the precise details of the dream were fading, but she knew that she would never forget what she had dreamt this night. Whether it was a gift from the Ancestors, from her parents themselves, or even from her own unconscious; she felt her family's approval and that she would forever be a member of her people. Living on another world had never changed that and never would.

She smiled then at the realisation that John had been among the Athosians in her dream; one of her people. She turned her head to the right to where John slept silently beside her. He lay on his side towards her, one of his legs warm against hers under the blankets. One of his hands lay on the mattress between them, only millimetres from her, as if his hand had slipped off her as they slept. She smiled at his sleeping face; so relaxed and handsome. Her eyes shifted down to his bare chest and shoulders. He was a comfortable relaxing presence right beside her and she enjoyed seeing him so relaxed in turn. The urge to touch him was so strong, yet she did not wish to disturb his sleep so she instead watched him silently. She thought of the two younger versions of them playing in the lakeside together. She wished that the two of them could have stayed longer by the spring back on the ritual, but regardless as to how long they had remained she was certain she never would have wanted to leave. The memories of that time would be locked forever in her mind, sacred in themselves, and she and John could make new memories together. She had particularly enjoyed being off world with him with no one else around and thought that perhaps they could make it a regular thing; to spend time away together.

She laid still, the mattress comfortable under her back as she watched John, drawing in the new experience of him in her quarters, in her bed. The moonlight reached them enough for her to study his sleeping face, but the heavy shadows only added to the intimacy of the moment. The change from friendship to romantic relationship was still new and the thrill of the knowledge that he returned her feelings seemed unlikely to fade anytime soon. She smiled at him now and finally gave into her urge and reached out towards him. She touched the backs of her fingers against his chest as lightly as she could. His skin was cool exposed to the night air, but under that layer there was the warmth and heat of the living man. She could feel the gentle movements of his chest as he breathed softly in his sleep, the small amount of chest hair under her touch a nice texture against his skin. Sliding her fingers upwards she sought out the gentle thumping of his heart beat. The muscular lines of his chest stood in stark contrast in the shadows and she trailed her fingers along the plains of muscle.

A deep rumble echoed from his chest and she looked up to his face to see his eyelids lifting slightly.

"I am sorry," she whispered, only partly meaning her words. She didn't pull her touch away from him though, but continued stroking gently over his chest some more and watched as his eyes closed again. He remained still under her hand and she thought he had fallen asleep again, but then he shifted closer, his hand lifting up from the mattress to lie against her middle. The heat of his hand against her warmed her nicely and she drifted her own eyes closed. They lay like that for awhile, one hand against the other, and she gently stroked his chest repetitively, soothing both of them. The chimes echoed again across the room and she turned to look at them again. It had been the softest of sounds, but it had felt loud in the still soft place in which she had been dozing.

"They new?" John asked, his voice very deep, slightly slurred and soft from the pillow beside her.

Thinking back Teyla couldn't remember the last time John had been in her quarters, other than occasionally he had stood outside when the team had been gathering for something. Now she realised it had probably been due to Kanaan's presence in her life. She studied the chimes again as she answered him. "Yes, I got them today."

He made a deep noise that was probably meant to convey a reply, but he was too sleepy for words. She looked round at him, her eyes falling to her hand against his chest. She stroked a slightly wider area. "They remind me of the Offering Tree's symbols on the Questioning Way," she told him softly. "They will remind me always of the ritual; of what I discovered and experienced."

"Good ritual," John replied with a sleepy smile.

She smiled in return. "Yes, a very good ritual." His eyes were closed again and she decided to leave him to his sleep. She stopped her stroking of his chest and simply rested her hand over his heart, feeling the beat beneath. She looked away to the chimes again; yes, it had been a good ritual. It had bought clarity to many areas of her life.

The patter of the rain grew louder and then died down again with the natural organic flow of a storm. Teyla smiled at the thought of how much more comfortable she felt to be in the city during a storm. She had always enjoyed experiencing storms from inside the Athosian tents, but there was something to be said about being shut away warm and content inside a city.

John's hand moved gently against her middle, his fingers moving in a smooth circle. She closed her eyes at the simple touch before opening them again and looking round at him. He looked more awake now, his eyes soft but alert. He returned her smile as he kept up his gentle caress. She drew in a breath, her middle pushing up against his fingers and palm as she did, and she released it with a happy sigh.

"Can't sleep?" He asked deeply after a few moments.

She turned her head against the pillow to look at him. "I woke from a dream. A nice dream," she added. He lifted an enquiring eyebrow. "I dreamt of my parents," she shared with him. "They were walking along the lakeside on the Questioning Way, watching over all us young Athosian children as we played in the water. You were there as well, as a young boy."

His eyebrows rose. "I was?"

"Yes, you were splashing me," she told him with a smile.

"I would never do that," he replied with a cheeky grin and she lifted a doubtful eyebrow for him. "Where was that skinny dipping place off the pier again?"

She glared at him as best as she could. "John," she warned.

He lifted his warm hand from her middle as he gestured. "I haven't said a thing to McKenzie, I swear," he said and she warred unsuccessfully with her smile. "Besides, let's face it he'll know about us pretty soon and," he paused for a moment as his hand returned to her middle. "He's likely to be your replacement on the team anyway."

Teyla saw the slight concern in his expression at talking about this subject, but she did not mind. "Which means that you will have ample time to tease him about the skinny dipping."

He tried to look innocent, but failed miserably. "It may come up in conversation one day." She didn't stop her laughter now, shaking her head at him. His fingers began stroking a wider area around her middle.

The chimes tinkled lightly again across the room and Teyla looked back towards them.

"Did it go alright with your people tonight?" John asked after a silent pause.

She looked back at him glad that he was openly asking and not quietly wondering. In truth she was surprised that he was, for he was normally one to avoid conversations, but then all that experience she had of him was as a friend and work colleague. It pleased her that he was asking now. She began to idly move the backs of her fingers against his chest again.

"Yes, it went well. I spoke to Halling before the feast." She looked up to the moonlight streaked ceiling, occasionally added to by a small flash of reflected light off the chimes' mirrors. "He said that he was not surprised that I will not be returning to live with our people."

John's caress against her middle became more solid and soothing. "You've been away from them for a lot of years now." His voice was soft and as smooth as his touch over her night shirt.

She nodded. "Yes, but he had still hoped that I would one day return to live with them permanently." She looked away from the ceiling to look at John again. "He was surprised to learn that Kanaan and I were no longer together," reassuringly John's comforting touch did not pause. "Though he said that I had seemed…unhappy for a while."

"He sees a lot that guy," John added with a smile to his voice.

"Yes, he does," she smiled widely at him now. "I told him that there was another in my life and he guessed it was you." She enjoyed the surprised look that crossed his face and there was a touch of something else, perhaps embarrassment or concern.

"Really?" He asked, this time his touch did pause against her. "What did he say?" Yes, definitely some concern there. She stroked her hand across his chest a little more to reassure him and to draw out the moment to tease him a little.

"He said that you would be welcome to stay in the camp with me when I visit," she told him. She watched the concern turn to surprise again and then something else that seemed pleased.

"He did?"

"Yes."

His hand began stroking her middle again. "Okay."

"You seem surprised," she commented.

John looked past her towards the window or perhaps towards the new chimes. "Well, you know he's kind of like your family and I'm not one of your people."

She shrugged against the pillows. "That does not matter to my people. Athosians often marry people from other worlds." She realised what she had said a second too late and a burst of worry went through her. John's eyebrows rose up his forehead. "Not that I'm saying that we're going to… I meant only that we're accepting of…" She noticed John was trying to hide his amusement at her uncharacteristic babbling. She paused and re-centred herself. John's hand stroked a slightly wider circle around her middle. "I meant that my people do not judge others in that way." She could feel the flush to her cheeks and was glad that there wasn't that much light in the room.

She risked looking at him and saw him nodding sagely, but he was clearly amused by her embarrassment. She tapped the back of her hand against his chest and glared at him, but he only chuckled in reply. She decided to turn the conversation elsewhere.

"Did you hear anything else from Mr Woolsey?" She asked.

"No. He'll probably turn it completely over the SGC to decide, since it's mostly a military matter." His hand had moved from circling over her middle to stroke down her far side, sliding down to her waist and back up. The touch was smooth and exploratory, something between a sensual caress and a soothing comforting touch. But, the affect on her was very much sensual. She focused on his words, though her body was warming under his touch.

"Are you sure it will not cause problems for you," she asked.

He shook his head against the pillow, "I doubt it. This kind of thing happens a lot in the military. Of course it doesn't usually involve a woman from another galaxy," he added with a smile.

She ran the backs of her fingers down his chest a little lower than before, pausing just as she reached his stomach and then moved back up again. "From my perspective it is you who are from another galaxy," she teased.

"True," he replied, his voice a little deeper. His hand slid up her side, but this time paused by the outer edge of her breast and then danced just under the swell around to her middle and then back outwards again. She sighed at the touch as he repeated it, just grazing the underside of her breast through her shirt. "Are you going back to your people tomorrow?" He asked as he repeated the caress, pausing at her middle to drift his fingers down her side closest to him, treating her other breast to the same grazing touch.

She arched her back slightly as she adjusted her warming body against the mattress. "No," she didn't want to utter Kanaan's name now, not with the growing atmosphere with John.

"Kanaan bringing Torren back here?" John asked as his hand flattened on her middle again and he resumed his previous large circles, this time his thumb grazing against her breasts at the peak of each circle.

"Mmm," she replied as she resumed her own caresses over his chest, her attention focused on the moonlight and shadows across his body. The blankets had bunched up at both of their waists exposing his entire bare chest for her to enjoy. She ran the back of her hand down his chest again, this time sliding slightly lower over his stomach. She felt the twitch of muscles beneath the teasing touch. She turned her hand over, flattening her palm against his warm skin and slid up to his raised side. She tested the thick muscle and flesh of his side; slim, yet toned.

His hand ceased its widening circles against her and he gathered up the material of her shirt, pulling it up enough until he could slip his hand underneath. The heat of his hand against her naked middle made her twitch and she let out a long murmur of pleasure as she looked away from her hand resting on his side. He was watching his hand sliding up her front, his fingers leading the way right up her middle and up through her cleavage. She licked her lips as she watched his eyes fixed on her, seeing his enjoyment in touching her. His hand paused over her heart before he spread out his fingers further under her shirt, his thumb and little finger grazing both her nipples. She let out another murmur, this one a slight moan. His eyes lifted up to hers and she saw his satisfaction. He looked very different with black eyes, the darkness matching his hair, eyelashes and the clear hunger she could see. She bit her lower lip and watched his eyes slip down to watch her set her teeth and then release her lip, which felt plump and sensitive. His hand slid across under her top to close around one breast and she closed her eyes as he squeezed and caressed.

He shifted beside her, his hand moving from her breast to push up the fabric of her shirt and she opened her eyes to see him leaning down over her and his hot wet mouth surrounded her nipple. She groaned at the feel and slid one hand into his hair. His tongue slid lazily around her nipple and she arched her back towards him, pulling his head tighter to her as she did.

Her hand that had been grasping his side had been dislodged with his movement, but she reached between them and pressed her hand back against his stomach as best as she could with the angle. He sucked on her nipple as she slid her hand lower down his belly, seeking out the waist band of those nice hip hugging trousers he had worn to bed. The material was warm and soft against her questing fingers and there was plenty of give to the waist band as she slid her hand under it. He grumbled against her breast, pulling his mouth from her breast and she had a glimpse of him looking up at her with hot dark eyes before he turned to her other breast. She reached down into his trousers and felt the hard length of him pushing against the restrictions of his minimal clothing. She wrapped her hand around him and he groaned as he licked over her nipple. Sliding her hand up him, he shuddered against her, pulling his mouth from her, shifting onto his side. His hand ran down her side, sliding under the waist band of her own trousers and his fingers sought straight towards her core.

She gasped as he cupped his entire hand between her legs, the material of her trousers tight around her hips. His fingers parted her and caressed through the growing dampness. She closed her eyes, her hand wrapped around his shaft, as he tested one fingertip against her. He made a deep growling sound as he slid his fingers into her easily. She groaned, so quickly ready for him, pulling her hand from him turning to pushing the waistband of his trousers from around his hips. He seemed to match her sudden desperation, as he pulled his hand from her, grasping her waistband and pulling it all quickly down to her thighs under the blankets. She reluctantly pulled her hands from John's waist to pull her own clothes away from her body.

John tossed aside the blankets in one large movement, exposing the entire length of the bed for them to be free in. She lifted her knees, reaching down and pulled off her trousers, then pulled off her top as well. In that time John had freed himself of his clothing and a foil packet had materialised from somewhere. He tossed the empty packet aside as he was suddenly above her. She reached for him, pulling him over her, spreading her legs for him. His weight settled against her and she felt him test her entrance with his fingers once more. She rocked her hips against the touch, her arms tightly locked around his shoulders, using him as leverage. "John."

She heard him make a long drawn out groan before he adjusted himself over her and his fingers were replaced with the thick head of his erection. She ran one of her hands down to his backside, urging him to complete the penetration. He shifted over her, one hand gripping her hip and then he thrust forward. It took another thrust for him to fill her completely for she was so ready and tight. The climax hit her immediately. She clasped her hands against his back, pulling her upper body up towards his hovering over her, her head hanging back with delight as her body gloried in the sensations pouring through her. She could feel one of his arms around her back supporting her and she felt his mouth on the side of her neck.

Her body trembled with pleasure until her mind focused once again, her upper body still pressed tightly up against his. She let out a long sigh of delight as she let her body drop backwards to the mattress. John's arm that had been around her back loosened as her shoulders returned to the cool mattress, but his hand slid down her spine, causing her to keep her back arched. His fingers rubbed against her lower back sending spirals of new sensations across her body. She opened her eyes to see his eyes trailing up from her chest and then he was over her, his mouth on the side of her throat, licking and kissing. His hand remained under her lower back tilting her pelvis slightly and it rubbed them together very nicely.

She ran her hands down his back and sides, rolled her hips and moaned out a very long satisfied sound. He withdrew from her and thrust back inside. Her next moan was filled with that moment where pleasure just touched against pain. He paused in his kissing her neck, just under her ear, but he had not caused her pain. She spread her legs widely around him, making room and readying herself for more. He rolled his hips and pressed tightly against her. His hand under her back slid up and around her hip, squeezing and caressing as it went and then his fingers were between them. She closed her eyes at the soft tantalising teasing of his fingertips against her womanhood. His mouth latched onto her throat against, biting and teasing up to her ear again. Her body responded immediately to all his administrations, a new swell growing. Having felt that change his fingers slid from her nub and he thrust into her. She gasped her eyes open once again to stare up at him over her.

His hand trailed up her side and then left her body to settle against the mattress next to her. He leant forward over her, his forearms on either side of her head supporting his weight. She gasped open mouthed as he pulled out of her and slid back in again, rocking them and the bed. She lifted her legs up, hugging his hips, her hands scratching and clasping down his sides. She looked down their bodies. They met only at their groins until he pushed into her again and their bellys met; hot sweaty skin meeting.

She trailed her eyes up the length of him, her hands testing his moving hips, sides, back and arms. She slid her hands around the strong flexed shapes of his upper arms holding him up over her and then she looked up at his face. Their eyes met. His were the darkest she had ever seen them and they locked with hers. There was the powerful mixture in his eyes that she felt in her own body and mind; hunger, arousal, need, pleasure and something even more powerful.

He began to thrust deeper and faster, rocking her more and she held onto him for support and for leverage of her own. She stared up at him, watching him watching her. He smiled at her and she smiled back, glorying in the moment with him. She reached up and pressed one palm against one of his cheeks, stroking her fingers down past his mouth, over his jaw to slide down his throat. She watched her hand trail down over the lines of his body, watched the changing shape of him as he moved. He sped up even more and she began groaning with each one, the energy building in her middle, her belly and she opened her legs from his hips, widening her self. She dropped her hands from his chest, instead holding onto his thick arms so close to her as she arched up under him into the space between them.

Their eyes locked together again and she gazed up at him, losing herself in the depths of his eyes, holding the stare longer than was comfortable with anyone, past what was usually comfortable even with a lover. He thrust deeply and slowly now grinding against her with each one and she rocked and lifted her hips with him. She felt split then; one part of her the physical part was let loose, moving twisting and building with wild abandon. His body was the same, a wild rhythm between their bodies, shifting and changing as they worked together to reach the crescendo ahead.

But, there was another part of her that was lost in his eyes, a part of her that sent tears from her eyes as she gazed into him. In his eyes she saw something in him that told her without words that he loved her. She couldn't explain it and she couldn't doubt it in that moment. She saw the emotion shift in his darkened orbs as well, saw him see something in her and she saw a shimmer of wetness in his eyes for a moment. She reached up to him, pulling him down to her. His mouth met hers hotly and wetly and suddenly it was all about the abandon again. She broke from his hot demanding mouth as he thrust once, twice more and then her body broke apart in delight once again. She cried out with the pleasure, her panting surrendering to long moans of his name.

He groaned against her, his mouth against her cheek, her jaw, one hand grasping her hip, her thigh and then he shuddered, pumped against her and she tightened her nails into his back. He cried out into her throat, lifted himself up onto his hands as he released himself into her and she watched him throw back his head for a moment. She reached another wave in her release and reached up to run a hand over his chest as his entire body continued to flex.

Her own body finally reached the end of its elation and she was filled with a deep warmth as she dropped her hand from his chest. A heavy surrender took over her and she sighed out as he did the same, his body returning over hers and she felt the weight to him that spoke of his relaxation. But, as his chest met hers she felt his hands cupping her face and she looked up to see his eyes locked onto her before he kissed her.

His tongue caressed into her mouth, sliding, licking inside in smooth strokes. She murmured at the feel of it, meeting his tongue. He kissed her deeply yet smoothly and she shuddered with it, feeling a tear slip down her cheek. She couldn't ever remember letting herself become tearful before when making love, but something very deep in her had surrendered to this man and had seen something in him that gave her hope in a future neither of them would be likely to talk about just yet. But, it gave her hope. It also told her without a doubt how much she was in love with him.

She encircled her arms around his shoulders, feeling the damp heat over his skin, of the energy fading from his muscles and the peace of stillness that follows. She held him to her, wrapped her legs around him too, holding him. She kissed him with the love that she truly felt, hoping that he understood it and she accepted his kiss in return.

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THE END


End file.
